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  1. #1
    aaa1000 Guest

    Default Hi what do you think

    what do you think about my writing


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    "I wish I were dead" a kidney's patient said. "I have lost my job, I have quit my habits, I have quit the life" the patient continued with a sad view on his face .This patient is not the only who suffers from the Polycystic Kidney Disease. There are so many patient who are waiting for donating, most of which are waiting dead without getting the organ which they need .This situation push the government to think about legalizing the selling of the human beings' organ

    The law has caused a significant controversy between the people who are in favour of legitimizing and the people who are not. The both side support their conviction in many points.

    The people, who are in favour of legalizing the selling of the human beings' organ, argue with several points. They say the decision of selling is personally, guaranteed by Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, so the government should not take this right from the seller. The number of who are suffering or dying because of organ's failure demand a rapidly act to solve the deficit of donation at the present. If the government does not legalizing the selling, the black market will remain to sell and only will the poor suffer.

    The people, who are not in favour of legalizing, dispute the other side in many points. In their opinion, the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms does not give the right to do many actions in our body such as sell the sex .Hence, why we should expect the selling of the organs. The amount of donating can be increased by educating the people because the reason of lowing the donation is people do not know the process of donating .we can not help someone who are suffering by grieving someone else, it is totally unfair. Even though it is control by the government, it will sooner or later change to be a trade and will find each part of our body has a tag shows how much it costs. Never will a few hundred make deference between the convictions or vice versa.

    Between the patient who are suffering or dying and inferior the human beings' organ the question is should the government legitimize the selling of the human beings' organ still remain.

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  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Hi what do you think

    Quote Originally Posted by aaa1000
    what do you think about my writing
    • What do you think about my writing?

    It needs work. :wink:


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    Quote Originally Posted by aaa1000
    "I wish I were dead" a kidney's patient said.
    One can say "cancer patient" or "AIDS" patient" or "pneumonia patient", but a kidney is not a disease. (I believe I may have heard the term "heart patient" tho.)

    Quote Originally Posted by aaa1000
    "I have lost my job, I have quit my habits, I have quit the life" the patient continued with a sad view on his face .
    How does a person quit his habits?

    I think "My life is over" would work better there.

    Quote Originally Posted by aaa1000
    This patient is not the only who suffers from the Polycystic Kidney Disease.
    It is not usual to use an article before a proper name.

    Say: "This patient is not the only one who suffers from Polycystic Kidney Disease."

    Quote Originally Posted by aaa1000
    There are so many patient who are waiting for donating, most of which are waiting dead without getting the organ which they need .
    Say: "There are many patients who are waiting for organ donations."

    I am not sure what "waiting dead" is supposed to mean.

    [quote="aaa1000"]
    This situation push the government to think about legalizing the selling of the human beings' organ
    Say: "This situation pushed the government into considering legalizing the sale of human organs."

    Quote Originally Posted by aaa1000
    The law has caused a significant controversy between the people who are in favour of legitimizing and the people who are not. The both side support their conviction in many points.
    Say: "Both sides support their opinions with several arguments."

    (The controversy would be over legalization.)

    :)

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Hi what do you think

    Hi, I'll start:

    "I wish I were dead" a kidney patient said. "I have lost my job, I have given upon life," the patient continued with a sad look on his face .This patient is not the only who suffers from the Polycystic Kidney Disease. There are so many patient who are waiting for organs, most of those waiting die without getting the organ which they need .This situation pushes the government to think about legalizing the selling of the human beings' organs.

    How does that read?

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hi what do you think

    Quote Originally Posted by tdol
    Hi, I'll start:

    "I wish I were dead" a kidney patient said. "I have lost my job, I have given upon life," the patient continued with a sad look on his face .This patient is not the only who suffers from the Polycystic Kidney Disease. There are so many patient who are waiting for organs, most of those waiting die without getting the organ which they need .This situation pushes the government to think about legalizing the selling of the human beings' organs.

    How does that read?
    That's better.

    :wink:

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