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  1. #81
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    Default Re: Yours is ready too!

    What do you think?

    What can I say? You have done a very kind job to me by correcting the assignment story. I don't want you to waste your time with another assignment!
    Tdol should correct it :mad: . Thank you anyway, I appreciate it. :wink:

    :)

  2. #82
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    Default Re: Yours is ready too!

    Try:
    • I'll never hear the end of that story you started, and I will never find out if the princess gets to marry her beloved.


    Does that look right to you?
    Why should it be wrong, aren't you the one who correct it. It must be right

  3. #83
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Perhaps:
    • Latifa was very attracted to her teacher. She found in him the person who could fill the gap of her father's absence.


    Ok. What is the difference between using so, and very?
    Go to:


    In one of the definitions given by OneLook ("The idea is so obvious") it kind of does mean very. However, the two words are not used the same way. Expect so to be used with sarcastic intent when it is used to mean very. For example, OneLook's sentence, "The idea is so obvious" could be interpreted as, "Can't you see it, dummy!"

    :wink:

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    I don't think "belatedly" works very well there. Perhaps:
    • Mr. Ron had known Latifa for a long time before he found out she was an orphan.


    I used it because I thought it would convey the idea of being late to know that Latifa was an orphan.
    The idea of being late doesn't really work very well there. You can be late for an appointment; you can be late for a party; you can be late to your own wedding, but there is no point at which you can be late in finding out that that somebody is an orphan. That doesn't fit into the catefory of things you can be late for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    That's good! I have just a couple of suggestions. In the first sentence, delete "the" from "via the email"; in the second sentence, say "very happy" instead of "so happy".

    Again why very instead of so?
    Again, let's look at what OneLook says.

    adverb: (usually followed by `that') to an extent or degree as expressed (Example: "He was so tired he could hardly stand")
    The word so is sometimes used as an intensifier all by itself ("I am so happy"), but outside of dialogue it is usually used to start a phrase. Example:
    • He was so happy he couldn't contain himself.








    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Try:
    • Once when Reem talked to Latifa she asked Latifa about her feelings toward Mr. Ron.


    I said, “Which was the access to Latifa’s feeling toward Mr. Ron” as if the narrator was saying this information. Can I say it the way I wrote it in this case?
    I'm not sure the reader would understand what that is supposed to mean. It would, in a sense, need to be interpreted.

    :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Say:
    • Latifa answered Reem's question, which was about why she wanted to have another course with Mr. Ron.




    What do you think?

    Perfect as usual and useful.
    Thanks.

    :D

  4. #84
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Re:
    • She said to her friend “I lost my father once and I don’t want to live this horrible experience again”


    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    What horrible experience was she talking about? (What punctuation does that sentence need?)
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    “!”, or will “.” be enough?
    That sentence needs a couple of commas and a period ,thus:
    • She said to her friend, “I lost my father once, and I don’t want to live this horrible experience again.”


    Other possibilities:
    • She said to her friend, “I lost my father once, and I don’t want to relive that horrible experience.”

    Or:
    • She said to her friend, “I lost my father once, and I don’t want to go through that again.”

    Or:
    • She said to her friend, “I lost my father once, and I don’t want to lose him.”

    Or:
    • She said to her friend, “I lost my father once, and I don’t want it to happen again.”

    Or:
    • She said to her friend, “I lost my father once, and I don’t want to live that horrible experience again.”


    What do you think?

    :)

  5. #85
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    That couldn't have been very often, since Father's Day only comes once a year. Or does Father's Day mean something else in Arab countries?
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    No, what I know that Father’s Day is a day for children to show their gratefulness toward their fathers. Unfortunately, I know nothing about this day, as I am an orphan. I saw congratulations on TV, but I had not lived any moment of it.
    I wanted to say that she kept saying that he was a father figure in every e-mail.
    That's good. Say something like that--that she kept saying that he was a father figure to her.

    :)

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    Try:
    • He thought about trying to make her understand that he had a wife and stepdaughters--that he had his own family to worry about.
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Ok.

    Ok, sir.
    :wink:
    :D

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    Replace "has" (in the first sentence) with "had".
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof

    Ok, sir.
    :wink:
    :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Please don’t be angry with me, I won’t help see you angry.
    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    Perhaps:
    • Please don't be angry with me. I don't want you to be angry.
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    I used to hear an expression used as “I can’t help seeing you….” and I tried it here, but it seems that it was incorrect.
    Can I use it? Or can you give me the right form or usage, please?
    The "I can't help" phrases mean that the person can't keep it (whatever "it" is) from happening. That is not, I think, what you want there.


    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Listen, I rather to day than to live alone once again, your daughter”
    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    I am not sure what you are trying to say there. Please rewrite that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    “Listen, I rather die than to live alone again.
    Your daughter.”
    She wanted to tell him that she prefers to die than to see him ignoring her. In her own thought, seeing him ignoring her will be equivalent to her father’s absence, or death. She wanted him to understand how deep he was going to hurt he feelings.
    I hope that I successfully convey the idea with no spelling mistakes.
    Yes, I think that's got it. :) Try something like:
    • I'd rather die than be without you.

    Or:
    • I'd rather die than have you ignore me.

    Or:
    • I'd rather die than put up with you ignoring me.




    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    • Mr. Ron recognized that Latifa was broken up because of her father's death. He knew that she needed a counselor to talk with. He wrote to his friend James (who was a therapist) for help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Why should there be brackets and not a comma before (who was a therapist)?
    Hm. I think you could use commas instead ofbrackets (parentheses) there.

    :)

  6. #86
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    I know that these people think that they are in a challenge with the death.
    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    A battle with death? A fight with death? A struggle with death?
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    So what is the problem? Is “in a challenge with death” wrong?
    Well, yes. I think so. For example, you could challenge somebody to a duel, but the actual duel would be a contest, or a fight. So, I think "challenge" doesn't work there.

    :)

  7. #87
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Re:
    • [list:8bfa2b914f]She needs to talk out all the fear and sadness inside her.
    [/list:u:8bfa2b914f]

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Did you say, “she needs” in present tense as James was advising Ron? I said “She was needed” in an explanation from James to Latifa’s previous e-mail, and I saw that using the past tense is the best. James is telling or explaining to his friend Latifa’s attitude when sending him e-mails. Simply, James says she sent you e-mails because she needed to talk…
    What we are looking at is a quote, which is in the present tense, which is natural. While the narrative is in the past tense, any dialogue or correspondence from that time is naturally going to be in the present tense. Of course, if the characters in the story are speaking (or writing) in the past tense, then use past tense. It depends on the situation. But dialogue or correspondence doesn't have to be in the past tense because the narrative is.

    :)

  8. #88
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    I am not really sure what the "remained quieter" part means. You might want to rewrite that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    It means that she looked or appeared calmer; quieter; more silent; noiseless, especially in Ron’s classes.
    There you go! That's the way to say that. :D


    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    Perhaps:
    • One time Mr. Ron was teaching his writing class. It was not one Latifa was supposed to be in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Shouldn’t we say:
    It was not the one Latifa was supposed…
    No, not unless there was only one of Mr. Ron's writing classes Latifa was not in.

    :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Latoof
    Thank you very much for the help. I just want to know what do you think of this piece of writing? :wink:
    The story itself is a good one. The ending is especially poignant. I do think you have trouble expressing yourself in idiomatic English at some points. But I am sure you will get better at it if you work at it.

    :)

  9. #89
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    Perhaps:
    • Latifah acted as if she didn't hear what the teacher said, and she asked her to help her with a math problem.


    What do you think?
    ok.

  10. #90
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    Default Re: Here is the story you asked about, RonBee.

    The story itself is a good one. The ending is especially poignant. I do think you have trouble expressing yourself in idiomatic English at some points. But I am sure you will get better at it if you work at it.


    Thank you very much for the help. I will work on my weakness to improve my language. :wink:

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