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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    correct my composition, please~

    I missed 2hours of class on 21 September for my health problem.
    I have problems in my jaw and teeth. When I was high school student, I was very sensitive like any other men my age because of stress about studies. At that time, my jaw has started to chatter. In addition, whenever I opened my mouth wide and chewed foods, I felt pain. But I was busy studying for my dream, so I didnít care about it. Just I endured it. So the symptom has become worse. As time goes by, although I felt not anymore pain, I obviously knew that my jaw still felt strange. Now, my jaw has not only an unpleasant sound but also problem about appearance. Misfortune never comes singly, when I was cured my right molar, I could not help chewing foods with left side. So my jaw is not bilateral symmetry. Of course, everyone is not necessarily so. But I feel pain when I care about something serious. And whenever I have a meal, I have to hear an unpleasant sound.
    And the next problem is my teeth. I am fond of laughing. But I donít have even teeth. I have nothing complain of that before I entrance into a university. Maybe you may think that I am extremely deplorable and I donít need to treatment. But when I became university student, I felt sense of inferiority for the first time in my life. It was big shock. Because of it was not big deal but just problem of appearance. One friendship I know teased me. He told me that I was perfect image of ugly male actor. Again and again he told me that. If it occurs now, I donít care about it. But I was young at that time and I was hurt feeling. So whenever I laughed, his words irritated my nerves. I couldnít laugh my fill. He still has been teasing me. But now I can have an easy attitude and show smiles him.
    In spite of the internal mature, I decide to cure my teeth. I saw many cases through elders. Unfortunately, appearance is competitive power in Korea. Also we're facing one of the worst job markets in years. I know appearance is not all obviously. But if people have same factors, appearance will be important. I donít want to give an unpleasant feeling at least. This is a reason I still overcome my sense of inferiority? As I am writing a composition, I am again thinking many things.
    Anyway why I was absent is that I had to go to the dental clinic. Because of two problems stated, I had gone other hospital before then. But they said me I have to go larger hospital. They didnít have any proper equipment. On inquiry, in my case, it cost a great deal. So I reserved at larger hospital. I waited for my turn. Suddenly phone called. I had to go there. I couldnít change schedule. If I changed the schedule, I doní know when my turn will come. And now I am waiting for medical treatment.
    So I seek your understanding, sir.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    5,425
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    Re: correct my composition, please~

    I missed 2 hours of class on 21 September because of a dental appointment
    (Your health is not actually affected - you are not feeling ill - and it is not strictly a medical problem but a dental problem.)
    Do you really need to go into such personal detail as below?
    For example: "During my high school years, I began to experience pain in my jaw and teeth. Because of the pressure of studies and my wish to succeed, I neglected to take the time to seek professional help." etc

    Perhaps you could try condensing the rest yourself.

    . So the symptom has become worse. As time goes by, although I felt not anymore pain, I obviously knew that my jaw still felt strange. Now, my jaw has not only an unpleasant sound but also problem about appearance. Misfortune never comes singly, when I was cured my right molar, I could not help chewing foods with left side. So my jaw is not bilateral symmetry. Of course, everyone is not necessarily so. But I feel pain when I care about something serious. And whenever I have a meal, I have to hear an unpleasant sound.
    And the next problem is my teeth. I am fond of laughing. But I donít have even teeth. I have nothing complain of that before I entrance into a university. Maybe you may think that I am extremely deplorable and I donít need to treatment. But when I became university student, I felt sense of inferiority for the first time in my life. It was big shock. Because of it was not big deal but just problem of appearance. One friendship I know teased me. He told me that I was perfect image of ugly male actor. Again and again he told me that. If it occurs now, I donít care about it. But I was young at that time and I was hurt feeling. So whenever I laughed, his words irritated my nerves. I couldnít laugh my fill. He still has been teasing me. But now I can have an easy attitude and show smiles him.
    In spite of the internal mature, I decide to cure my teeth. I saw many cases through elders. Unfortunately, appearance is competitive power in Korea. Also we're facing one of the worst job markets in years. I know appearance is not all obviously. But if people have same factors, appearance will be important. I donít want to give an unpleasant feeling at least. This is a reason I still overcome my sense of inferiority? As I am writing a composition, I am again thinking many things.
    Anyway why I was absent is that I had to go to the dental clinic. Because of two problems stated, I had gone other hospital before then. But they said me I have to go larger hospital. They didnít have any proper equipment. On inquiry, in my case, it cost a great deal. So I reserved at larger hospital. I waited for my turn. Suddenly phone called. I had to go there. I couldnít change schedule. If I changed the schedule, I doní know when my turn will come. And now I am waiting for medical treatment.
    So I seek your understanding, sir.

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