I stood in the basketball court as the people leave. At last I was left alone lingering along the line drew on the ground. Over and over I contemplated about a shadow that was cast on this court. His adroit shot left me speechless like his every move made the crowd screamed. I scrutinized him from the crowd for a decade but couldn’t find a word good enough to delineate his smile after each game. Tempt by his placid eyes which turned a feeling of affection into a need. I found myself walking toward the address held in my hand, the one I got from the office last week when I was alone. I wanted to stop but my mind and body were apart. It’s coveting, craving, yarning for that face. Standing in front of his door should I knock or should I leave? Will he likes me or will he not? Will he be happy to see me or will he think I’m weird? Suddenly these questions stormed through my mind. But an approaching footstep limited my time to think. As it gets close and close I felt my body trembles a little. Who is it that’s getting close? Engulfed in fear the next minute I found myself in tear.
“Can I help you?” it was a familiar voice that I heard. I looked up but noticed a shinny light in the back. In it was a pale face and disheveled woman, my eyes widen by the sight.
“Are you ok”? He reached out.
“Ah!” I screamed.
“Monster! Monster! Get away from me!” tear was cascading down my cheek. I was really scared; I thought it would get me. I was running and running, I thought I got away from it but every time I looked up it was that horrible face of that monster. Why won’t she leave me alone? Moisture reappeared in my eyes.
“Doctor Allan when will she leave me alone?” looking at the man in front of me for help.
“Soon,” He said, “soon.”
i was trying to practice my vocabulary...
guess it didnt came out that well lol
thnx for ur help
No, it's not that bad. I'm just trying to help you exercise your writing muscles. The more alternatives you can think of the better your writing will be. The more alternatives you can think of the better you will be able to say what you want to say.
Tempt by his placid eyes which turned a feeling of affection into a need.
I was tempted by his placid eyes which turned a feeling of affection into a need.
Originally Posted by tachi
I found myself walking toward the address held in my hand, the one I got from the office last week when I was alone.
"I found myself walking toward the address" is good. The rest is problematic. If you need to mention that you got the address from the office (What office?) then say had gotten. For you to say last week the narrative has to be in the present tense. If the narrative is in the past tense, say previous week. If you mention that "you" were alone the reader is likely to think that is a remarkable thing. Use words that indicate the state of mind of the protagonist. Perhaps:
I found myself walking toward the address written on the sweat-drenched piece of paper held tightly in my right hand.