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Thread: obsession~

  1. #11
    tachi Guest

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    "Will he like me or will he not?"

    i dun undertand this part
    becuz she doesnt know he likes her or not
    shouldnt it be would he like me or would he not?
    i'm having trouble w/ my tenses.....


    thank u for ur help :)

  2. #12
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    'Will' is used before a meeting, when she knows that they will meet- before a date, say. 'Would' implies that it is an imaginary situation and no date is planned.

  3. #13
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    'Will' is used before a meeting, when she knows that they will meet- before a date, say. 'Would' implies that it is an imaginary situation and no date is planned.

  4. #14
    tachi Guest

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    oh....*sweating* lol
    thnx~

  5. #15
    tachi Guest

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    oh....*sweating* lol
    thnx~

  6. #16
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    ur welkum

  7. #17
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    ur welkum

  8. #18
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsession~

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    But an approaching footstep limited my time to think. As it gets close and close I felt my body trembles a little.
    Try:
    • But the approaching footsteps limited my time to think. As they got closer and closer I felt my body tremble a little.


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    Who is it that’s getting close? Engulfed in fear the next minute I found myself in tear.
    Put that first sentence in the past tense. Did she wonder who it was? Did she feel afraid? Did she find herself in tears because she was so afraid?


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Can I help you?” it was a familiar voice that I heard. I looked up but noticed a shinny light in the back. In it was a pale face and disheveled woman, my eyes widen by the sight.
    “Are you ok”? He reached out.
    Better than "shiny light" would be "bright light". Say "the pale face of a disheveled woman". Say, "My eyes widened at the sight."


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Ah!” I screamed.
    That's good. :wink:

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Monster! Monster! Get away from me!” tear was cascading down my cheek.
    Say: "Tears were...."

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    I was really scared; I thought it would get me.
    That's good. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    I was running and running, I thought I got away from it but every time I looked up it was that horrible face of that monster.
    Try:
    • I was running and running. Every time I thought I had gotten away from it I looked up and once again saw the horrible face of that monster.


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    Why won’t she leave me alone? Moisture reappeared in my eyes.
    Say: "Why wouldn't she leave me alone?" The second sentence is a little strange, because tears don't dry that quickly.

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Doctor Allan when will she leave me alone?” looking at the man in front of me for help.
    Perhaps:
    • "Doctor Allan, when will she leave me alone?" I said, as I looked at the man in front of me for help.


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Soon,” He said, “soon.”
    Try:
    "Soon," he said. "Soon."

    :)

  9. #19
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    Default Re: obsession~

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    But an approaching footstep limited my time to think. As it gets close and close I felt my body trembles a little.
    Try:
    • But the approaching footsteps limited my time to think. As they got closer and closer I felt my body tremble a little.


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    Who is it that’s getting close? Engulfed in fear the next minute I found myself in tear.
    Put that first sentence in the past tense. Did she wonder who it was? Did she feel afraid? Did she find herself in tears because she was so afraid?


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Can I help you?” it was a familiar voice that I heard. I looked up but noticed a shinny light in the back. In it was a pale face and disheveled woman, my eyes widen by the sight.
    “Are you ok”? He reached out.
    Better than "shiny light" would be "bright light". Say "the pale face of a disheveled woman". Say, "My eyes widened at the sight."


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Ah!” I screamed.
    That's good. :wink:

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Monster! Monster! Get away from me!” tear was cascading down my cheek.
    Say: "Tears were...."

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    I was really scared; I thought it would get me.
    That's good. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    I was running and running, I thought I got away from it but every time I looked up it was that horrible face of that monster.
    Try:
    • I was running and running. Every time I thought I had gotten away from it I looked up and once again saw the horrible face of that monster.


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    Why won’t she leave me alone? Moisture reappeared in my eyes.
    Say: "Why wouldn't she leave me alone?" The second sentence is a little strange, because tears don't dry that quickly.

    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Doctor Allan when will she leave me alone?” looking at the man in front of me for help.
    Perhaps:
    • "Doctor Allan, when will she leave me alone?" I said, as I looked at the man in front of me for help.


    Quote Originally Posted by tachi
    “Soon,” He said, “soon.”
    Try:
    "Soon," he said. "Soon."

    :)

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