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  1. #1
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    Smile a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    His lifelong ambition is to be a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase of rare gemstone from poverty-stricken countries and selling it to well-to-do gem connoisseurs.



    Is the above sample well written? If not, how would you revise it? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    His lifelong ambition is to be a travelling jewel merchant, specializing in making purchase of rare gemstones from poverty-stricken countries and selling them to well-to-do gem connoisseurs.

  3. #3
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    Smile Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    His lifelong ambition is to be a travelling jewel merchant, specializing in making purchase of rare gemstones from poverty-stricken countries and selling them to well-to-do gem connoisseurs.
    Thanks, Anglika, for the rewriting.
    I like your revision better--it's clear and concise.
    But I still have some doubt, though--what's wrong with "touring jewelry" in the base text?

  4. #4
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    If you had said that he bought gemstones and set them into jewellery which he sold, then fine - he is a travelling jewellery merchant/salesman. But as you only mention buying gemstones to sell, he is not a jeweller but a merchant in gemstones.

  5. #5
    angliholic's Avatar
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    Smile Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    If you had said that he bought gemstones and set them into jewellery which he sold, then fine - he is a travelling jewellery merchant/salesman. But as you only mention buying gemstones to sell, he is not a jeweller but a merchant in gemstones.
    Thanks, Anglika, for your helpful reply.

    But I don't get the bolded part.
    Besides, I don't know why "touring" doesn't work in the base sentence.

  6. #6
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    A jeweller is someone who makes jewellery - rings, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, brooches.

    Touring = generally a visit to several places made for pleasure. It is not a word used in conjunction with the concept of travelling in order to sell goods. "Travelling salesman" is a recognised collocation.

  7. #7
    angliholic's Avatar
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    Smile Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    A jeweller is someone who makes jewellery - rings, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, brooches.

    Touring = generally a visit to several places made for pleasure. It is not a word used in conjunction with the concept of travelling in order to sell goods. "Travelling salesman" is a recognised collocation.
    Thanks, Anglika.
    Got it!


    By the way, I find "in conjunction with" very fresh and interesting, I assume it refers to "in association with" and "in reference to," right?

  8. #8
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    Yes

  9. #9
    angliholic's Avatar
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    Default Re: a touring jewelry merchant, specializing in making purchase

    Thanks, Anglika.

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