Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    skyofblue is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default My Family and Me

    Help !!! Anybody can help me checking my essay i need it as soon as possible.
    this is my essay.
    the topic is my personal




    My name is Jannifer Hadibowo. I am the eldest child in my family. I have one sister, she is 3 years younger than me. Now, she is in the first grade in Senior High School, she got the scholarship in this present school. I am so proud of her. But if want to say the truth, I am ought to have one big brother. He was born premature. Based on my mother story, his weight was no more than one kilogram, his body was so small that could be clasped. He even couldnít take a breath of fresh air. He laid in incubator and just persist in there for less that a week. Because of that I am often imagine how the fell have a big brother and sometime I felt jealous if I saw my friends was being met by their brother after school. My father is a technician and my mother is a housewife. Even thought I was born in unfortunate-financially family but I love and so proud of both of my parents.
    Especially my mother, she always teaches me, support me. When I was under 5 years old, I liked to pen drawing in the wall. I couldnít let one a clean-white wall without a pen drawing. But curiously, my mother never forbade or angry with me. Until now that pen-drawing still decorating the wall in my house.
    After I had gone to kindergarten. I started to be joined in coloring competition. At that time, I couldnít coloring well, that must be I colored out of border. As long as 3 years in kindergarten. I just have won once.
    When I had gone to elementary school, I stated to join drawing competition. In the beginning years, I drew a man that my mother said ďoliveĒ because it has a thin body, long-thin hand and foot. I remember in that time almost every week that was a competition. Two days before the competition I would be asked to practice. My mother teaches me patiently. But sometime when I still couldnít make a good sketch and coloring, she not to scruple to be angry with me. Sometime even thought there was 10.00 pm, I wasnít allowed to go sleep until I prevail the sketch.
    In that time, I never won, but my mother still made me follow the competition accompanied me to the competition-place, likewise, my father never forbade me to be joined competition even thought my fatherís salary wasnít much but he never refused to pay registration fee that expensive enough. Even there was crayon or another coloring material that have a good quality, he wasnít doubt it buy that just for me. Although, the price is a quarter of my fatherís salary. There was one day I felt bored with that routines, from Monday until Saturday I must went to school, and if there was a competition in the Sunday, I spent my spare time in Friday and Saturday with practice. Plus I was seldom won. So I talked to my mother I wanted to quit. My mother was angry to hear that she said that if I wanted to quit it was mean that I didnít need to continue my school. But she never really does that she still made me follow the competition. That dark period happen for 3 years. Until one day when I was in the 4th grade inn elementary I successful to conquer the person that always becomes a winner in that time. Started from that my mother effort started showing the result .My drawing become better and better. Now there was no Ďoliveí any ore. From I couldnít make a good coloring become can make a good color gradation. And make a new coloring trademark in my hometown. Started in there I always become a winner when I was in 6th grade I represent my city to the competition in province, even thought in that competition I didnít win but I still proud because itís mean my talent was recognized.
    After graduate from elementary school and went to junior high school there almost not competition in this level, as to competition that was held by government department and represent the school. Even thought still became a winner I started to miss weeks that fulfill with competition. And I started to search the competitionís information by myself and joined that with my own will.


    HELP HELP HELP

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    38
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: help me!!! check my essay....

    Help !!! Anybody can help me checking my essay i need it as soon as possible.

    Will somebody help me check my essay? i need it as soon as possible.

    My name is Jannifer Hadibowo. I am the eldest child in my family. I have one sister, she is 3 years younger than me.

    I have one sister, who is 3 years younger than me.

    Now, she is in the first grade in Senior High School, she got the scholarship in this present school.

    She is a freshman in Senior High school and got a scholarship.

    I am so proud of her.

    But if want to say the truth, I am ought to have one big brother.

    I ought to have a big brother.

    He was born premature. Based on my mother story, his weight was no more than one kilogram, his body was so small that could be clasped.

    My mother told me he weighed no more than one kilogram. His body was so small, that it could be clasped.

    He even couldnít take a breath of fresh air. He laid in incubator and just persist in there for less that a week.

    He laid in the incubator for less than a week.

    Because of that I am often imagine how the fell have a big brother and sometime I felt jealous if I saw my friends was being met by their brother after school.

    I often imagine how it feels to have a big brother, and sometimes I feel jealous when I see my friends being met by their big brother after school.

    My father is a technician and my mother is a housewife. Even thought I was born in unfortunate-financially family but I love and so proud of both of my parents.

    Even though I was born in a family who is unfortunate financially, I love both of my parents and feel so proud.

    Especially my mother, she always teaches me, support me.

    Especially my mother, who always teaches and supports me.

    When I was under 5 years old, I liked to pen drawing in the wall.

    When I was under 5 years old, I liked to draw on the wall with pen.

    I couldnít let one a clean-white wall without a pen drawing.

    I couldn't leave a clean, white wall without drawing on it with pen.

    But curiously, my mother never forbade or angry with me.

    Curiously, my mother never forbid me or got angry with me.

    Until now that pen-drawing still decorating the wall in my house.

    Even now, that pen drawing is still decorating the wall in our house.

    After I had gone to kindergarten. I started to be joined in coloring competition.

    After i started kindergarten, I started joining coloring competitions.

    At that time, I couldnít coloring well, that must be I colored out of border.

    At that time, i couldn't color well and i colored outside the border.

    As long as 3 years in kindergarten. I just have won once.

    In 3 years of kindergarten, I only won once.

    When I had gone to elementary school, I stated to join drawing competition.

    When i went to elementary school, i started to join drawing competitions.

    In the beginning years, I drew a man that my mother said ďoliveĒ because it has a thin body, long-thin hand and foot.

    I drew a man that my mother called "olive", because it had a thin body, long, thin hands and feet.

    I remember in that time almost every week that was a competition.

    At that time there was a competition almost every week.

    Two days before the competition I would be asked to practice. My mother teaches me patiently. But sometime when I still couldnít make a good sketch and coloring, she not to scruple to be angry with me.

    My mother taught me patiently. Sometimes I still couldn't make a good sketch, but she never got angry with me.

    Sometime even thought there was 10.00 pm, I wasnít allowed to go sleep until I prevail the sketch.

    Sometimes, even at 10 pm, i wasn't allowed to go to sleep until i prevailed .

    In that time, I never won, but my mother still made me follow the competition accompanied me to the competition-place,

    I never won, but my mother still made me follow the competition, and accompanied me there.

    likewise, my father never forbade me to be joined competition even thought my fatherís salary wasnít much but he never refused to pay registration fee that expensive enough.

    Likewise, my father never forbid me to join the competition or refused to pay the expensive registration fee, even though he didnt have a big salary.

    Even there was crayon or another coloring material that have a good quality, he wasnít doubt it buy that just for me.

    Even if there were crayons or other good quality coloring material, he bought it just for me.

    Although, the price is a quarter of my fatherís salary.

    There was one day I felt bored with that routines, from Monday until Saturday I must went to school, and if there was a competition in the Sunday, I spent my spare time in Friday and Saturday with practice.

    One day, I felt bored with the routine. From Monday until Saturday i went to school. If there was a competition on Sunday, I practiced on Friday and Saturday.

    Plus I was seldom won. So I talked to my mother I wanted to quit.

    I seldom won and I told my mother I wanted to quit.

    My mother was angry to hear that she said that if I wanted to quit it was mean that I didnít need to continue my school.

    My mother was angry and said if I wanted to quit, then I didn't need to continue school.

    But she never really does that she still made me follow the competition.

    She never really does that and she still made me follow the competition.

    That dark period happen for 3 years. Until one day when I was in the 4th grade inn elementary I successful to conquer the person that always becomes a winner in that time.

    That dark period lasted 3 years. Finally, in 4th grade, I successfully conquered the person who always won.

    Started from that my mother effort started showing the result

    My mother's effort started showing results.

    My drawing become better and better. Now there was no Ďoliveí any ore.

    My drawing became better and now there was no more 'olive'.

    From I couldnít make a good coloring become can make a good color gradation.

    I went from not being able to make good coloring, to being able to make good color gradation.

    And make a new coloring trademark in my hometown.

    I made a new coloring trademark in my hometown.

    Started in there I always become a winner when I was in 6th grade I represent my city to the competition in province, even thought in that competition I didnít win but I still proud because itís mean my talent was recognized.

    I always won when i was in 6th grade and i represented my city in the competition in province. Although i didn't win that competition, I was still proud because my talent was recognized.



    After graduate from elementary school and went to junior high school there almost not competition in this level,

    After i graduated from elementary school,Iwent to junior high school.

    as to competition that was held by government department and represent the school.

    There was almost no competion held by the government department to represent the school.

    Even thought still became a winner I started to miss weeks that fulfill with competition.
    And I started to search the competitionís information by myself and joined that with my own will.

    Even though i still won, i missed the competitions and I started to search for information and joined with my own will.

  3. #3
    skyofblue is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: help me!!! check my essay....

    thank you so much nina

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,571
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My Family and Me

    1. Make paragraphs.
    2. Space between paragraphs.

    ~R

Similar Threads

  1. My family are (or is)
    By bmo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 07-Dec-2009, 09:31
  2. the <Kennedy, Kennedys' or Kennedy's> family tree
    By justcurious in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-Dec-2005, 10:20
  3. My family and I
    By Anonymous in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-Oct-2004, 05:12
  4. royal family
    By Lenka in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 19-Jun-2004, 00:36

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk