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  1. #1
    ddsa is offline Newbie
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    Default Growing Up Female in Iran

    I have this essay and i'm not good at sentence structuring and thats what my professor kept told me....

    Here is my professor's comments
    .................................................. .......... .................................................. .......... ..
    There is a lot of good material in this essay. Sentence
    structure is still an issue here. Fixing your sentence structure.
    Also, work on your conclusion. It's a bit abrupt and little
    hostile in tone when you say that some of the events in the
    book are "unrealistic and ridiculous." It's fine to give your
    opinion, but you have to explain to the reader why you feel
    this way.



    Here's my essay...
    __________________________________________________ __________ _______________

    "Lives In Iran"

    Persepolis is a book written through Sarapi's child experiences; she talks about how her childhood was alike in Iran with her parent and friends. Satrapi was born in a middle-class family, her father was an engineer, who goes for the demonstration during the war, at that time where the king have the full control of the country, and while the father was out there, the member of the family always worried about whether he could come back from work or not. In this book Satrapi's friend's fathers also involve in all these event and Satrapi was a naughty at once. She is curious and sometime might made people discomfort because of the things that she had said. She was a girl that likes to experience everything that happened on her relevant's lives. Until the war was ended, she started the game with her friends, a game which catches up on a person's father's murder cases. However, in this she experience the lesson of how to forgive people, and ways to made friends even there is something that cannot be forgive in a person.

    During the revolution there are many people were kill, however, things gotten even worst after Shah's departure, such as the attacks from Iraq, and the bombing that is involved. Moreover, one thing that changes Satrapi's life is a piece of veil; this piece of veil brought her many unpleasant things to her and her parents. At the time females are required to worn veil to cover their hairs, and the reason is that female's hair made men felt excited, therefore women are required to worn veil, and no other jewelry are allowed. At one time Satrapi refused to took off her bracelet and hit the school principal, for that reason she was expel from school, and no other school accepted her because of that. Fortunately, because of her uncle, finally, she got into a school, however, the war was still going on, and bombs are everywhere. Satrapi's parent worried about their daughter's life, therefore, they decided sent her to Austria, and lived with a best friend of her parents. Satrapi refused to go alone and her parent lies to her that they will join her few month later, and she knew that they will not join her few month later. Therefore, before she left, she invited her friends over and give them all her collections, and tell them not to forget her. After all these farewell, the next morning her parents took her to the airport and one last thing she said is "Nothing's worse than saying goodbye. It's a little like dying" (Satrapi 153)

    In Persepolis, we could even tell how gender comes along in Satrapi's childhood. Because Satrapi is a female therefore required to worn a veil, as she had suggested in her novel why not men worn long sleeve shirt as require too, since men's arm may made women excited. However, she right, it was not important because that is how her country rules their female citizens. As she quoted the men's saying either they have to obey the rule or deserve a beaten, many time in her life she see how much this affected her life. For instance, one time her mom's car was broken down on the street and she did not worn a veil on her and there are men who insulted her and they said, "women like me should be pushed up against a wall and ****ed. And then thrown in the garbage" (Satrapi 74). In comparison, women in Iran without a veil are considering as slut or whore, which to us is ridiculous. In many cases, women gotten beaten for this reason, and many more inhumanize action can be happen, such as male have the right to rape and kill a female who did not worn veil. It might sound absolutely wrong according to our view, but through this example, we can see how gender comes long, and how unfairly women were treated.

    However, women were not only treated badly, even little boys. As Satrapi had said, the boys in Iran under age of 14 were being betrayed by teachers, such as teacher gave them plastic keys that is painted into gold and told them to go to war. Unfortunately, if they got kill during the war, the key they had would get them into heaven, and "there will be plenty of food, women and houses made of gold and diamonds" (Satrapi 100). In which the boys were excited since they did not seen much women and food in their life before, many fell into the trap and went to war with the key they had on them.

    This book clearly demonstrates Satrapi's childhood experiences, and how she perceives the world she live in. Such as different gender treated differently from one another, and social classes come into a play, where there are so many restrictions in making friends. When Satrapi describe how gender was taking a huge part of her book is that when she talk about how her relevant were treated during the time. Such as on one hand, men were being tortured and betrayed to go for wars. On the other hand, women were forced to do what they did not wanted to do. Such as worn veil, and no jewelry and no tight pants, or anything that makes a female seduces a male. That is not all, in Iran there is lot more rules that they have to obey, either they have to obey the rule or there will be many unpleasant events will be happened to them. In Persepolis, gender is difference is a huge topic, which if we did not learn about gender in class, we would left out the points about gender. Gender is not the only topic that is talk about, such as social class is also a big part of it. In Iran different social class should not married. As an example she talked about is a sister who works for her family, in which she felt in love with their neighbor's son, however, both of them end up separated from one another because of their social class was different.

    Persepolis, demonstrates the downfall of a country, the rule that made to restricted peoples, and the dehumanize treatment to men and women. In the book it shows a lot of violence, no matter men or women there are unfortunate event happen in their life. Such as men were torture to death in jail, and women were tortures to death on the street. In many examples that Satrapi given sounds unrealistic, and ridiculous, however it does happened in her life.
    Last edited by ddsa; 05-Dec-2007 at 04:46.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Will someone please help me!

    Wel, I certainly have seen worse, but there is a lot of room for improvement.

    One thing is that you try to put too much in your sentences. You need to say something, stop, then start another sentence where you say something else.

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    "Lives In Iran"

    Persepolis is a book written through Sarapi's child experiences; she talks about how her childhood was alike in Iran with her parent and friends. Satrapi was born in a middle-class family, her father was an engineer, who goes for the demonstration during the war, at that time where the king have the full control of the country, and while the father was out there, the member of the family always worried about whether he could come back from work or not.
    "Persepolis" is a book written from the point of view of Serapi as a child. She talks about what he childhood wa like in Iran. Serapi was born into a middle class family. Her father was an engineer.
    I do not have any suggestions for the rest of that paragraph, as I cannot figure out what you are trying to say.

    ~R

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    During the revolution there are many people were kill, however, things gotten even worst after Shah's departure, such as the attacks from Iraq, and the bombing that is involved.
    During the revolution, many people were killed. Things got worse after the Shah's departure. In particular, there was the war with Iraq.
    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    Moreover, one thing that changes Satrapi's life is a piece of veil; this piece of veil brought her many unpleasant things to her and her parents.
    One thing that changed Satrapi's life for the worse was a piece of cloth: a veil. The veil brought much unpleasantness to her and her parents.

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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    At the time females are required to worn veil to cover their hairs, and the reason is that female's hair made men felt excited, therefore women are required to worn veil, and no other jewelry are allowed. At one time Satrapi refused to took off her bracelet and hit the school principal, for that reason she was expel from school, and no other school accepted her because of that.
    At that time females were required to wear a veil to cover their hair. The reason given for that was a female's hair makes men excted. Therefore, every female over a certain age is required to wear a veil, and they also are not allowed to wear jewelry. At one time Satrapi refused to take off her bracelet, and she hit the school principal. She was expelled from school as a result of that incident. Also, because of that incident, no other school would accept her.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Say:
    Here are my professor's comments.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    Fortunately, because of her uncle, finally, she got into a school, however, the war was still going on, and bombs are everywhere. Satrapi's parent worried about their daughter's life, therefore, they decided sent her to Austria, and lived with a best friend of her parents. Satrapi refused to go alone and her parent lies to her that they will join her few month later, and she knew that they will not join her few month later. Therefore, before she left, she invited her friends over and give them all her collections, and tell them not to forget her. After all these farewell, the next morning her parents took her to the airport and one last thing she said is "Nothing's worse than saying goodbye. It's a little like dying" (Satrapi 153)
    Fortunately, because of her uncle, she was finally able to get into a school. However, the war was still going on, and there was bombing everywhere. Satrapi's parents were worried about their daughter. Therefore, they decided to send her to Austria to live with a best friend of her parents. Satrapi refused to go alone, and her parents lied to her that they would join her a few months later. She knew that her parents were not going to join her in Austria. Therefore, before she left she invited her friends over and give them all her collections, and told them not to forget her. The next morning, her parents took her to the airport and the last thing she said was, "Nothing's worse than saying goodbye. It's a little like dying" (Satrapi 153).

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    In Persepolis, we could even tell how gender comes along in Satrapi's childhood. Because Satrapi is a female therefore required to worn a veil, as she had suggested in her novel why not men worn long sleeve shirt as require too, since men's arm may made women excited.
    Because Satrapi is female and therefore required to wear a veil, she suggests in her novel that men be required to wear long-sleeved shirts, since men's arms might make women excited.

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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    However, she right, it was not important because that is how her country rules their female citizens.
    You need to rewrite that sentence so that it makes sense.
    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    As she quoted the men's saying either they have to obey the rule or deserve a beaten, many time in her life she see how much this affected her life. For instance, one time her mom's car was broken down on the street and she did not worn a veil on her and there are men who insulted her and they said, "women like me should be pushed up against a wall and ****ed. And then thrown in the garbage" (Satrapi 74). In comparison, women in Iran without a veil are considering as slut or whore, which to us is ridiculous. In many cases, women gotten beaten for this reason, and many more inhumanize action can be happen, such as male have the right to rape and kill a female who did not worn veil. It might sound absolutely wrong according to our view, but through this example, we can see how gender comes long, and how unfairly women were treated.
    She quoted the men as saying that women either have to obey the rule or deserve a beating. Many times in her life she saw how that rule affected her. For instance, one time her mom's car was broken down on the street and she was not wearing a veil. Men confronted her and said, "women like me should be pushed up against a wall and ****ed. And then thrown in the garbage" (Satrapi 74). Women in Iran are regarded as sluts or whores, which to us is ridiculous. In many cases, women were beaten for not wearing a veil, and even more inhumane actions can happen, because a male has the "right" to rape and even kill women who do not wear veils. That's how unfairly women there were treated.

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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    Quote Originally Posted by ddsa View Post
    However, women were not only treated badly, even little boys.
    Not only were women treated badly, but so were little boys.
    (Does anybody else have any comments on this one?)

    ~R

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    Default Re: Growing Up Female in Iran

    As Satrapi said, Iranian boys under the age of 14 were mostly betrayed by their teachers,

    who gave them plastic keys painted a bright gold as a means of opening the doors of

    heaven to them in case they got killed in the war.

    They promised them a place where "there will be plenty of food, women and houses made

    of gold and diamonds" (Satrapi 100). As a consequence ,the boys were eager to go since

    they had not seen many women or lots of food in their lives so far.

    Many fell into the trap and went to war with the keys they had on them.

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