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  1. #1
    wanawang Guest

    Default I AM NEW HERE I VE GOT A PROBLEM

    hi , here is a poem i wrote but i am not sure if there any mistake i did , pls check for me thanks in advance
    _____________________________________
    Night is not long for u

    There is a soul in me called you
    There is a shelter protecting me called family
    There is a promise around me called love
    There is a hand holding me called supporting

    Whenever I am in trouble I won't fear cos you are with me
    Whatever I need I will be satisfied cos you always understand me
    Wherever I am lost I won't be scattered cos I know you will guide me

    This evening, you whispered to me that you won't let me down ever
    I showed smile to you without word,the only way I've to express my feeling
    I appreciate you, appreciate Lord for sending such a nice gift like you into my life...

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
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      • Other
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    Default

    I suggest:
    • There is a soul in me called you.
      There is a shelter protecting me called family.
      There is a promise around me called love.
      There is a hand holding me called support.

      Whenever I am in trouble, I won't be afraid, because you are with me
      Whatever I am in need, I will be satisfied, because you always understand me.
      Wherever I am lost, I won't be afraid, because I know you will guide me.

      This evening, you whispered to me that you won't let me down ever.
      I smiled to you without words, the only way I have to express my feelings.
      I appreciate you and appreciate the Lord for sending such a nice gift like you into my life.


    What do you think?

    :)

  3. #3
    wanawang Guest

    Default good thanks a lot!!!

    [quote="RonBee"]

    another question at first i add " the" instead " a" in the first paragraph. but when i read it i feel something not flowing. so i changed for "a" . if i use "the" , is it wrong ? pls guide me . i always cannot use a good way for "a" and " the" . make me crazy .



    thanks for ur kind help....
    :D

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
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    12,970
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    Default Re: good thanks a lot!!!

    [quote="wanawang"]
    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee

    another question at first i add " the" instead " a" in the first paragraph. but when i read it i feel something not flowing. so i changed for "a" . if i use "the" , is it wrong ? pls guide me . i always cannot use a good way for "a" and " the" . make me crazy .



    thanks for ur kind help....
    :D
    There is a soul in me called you. (OK)
    It expresses,

    There is a particular soul in me called you.

    Here, "a" refers to 1, one soul. :D

    beautiful poem. :D :D 8) :D :D

  5. #5
    wanawang Guest

    Default thank u , u make me feel power...

    now i think " a " its good . thx for ur help and make me powered

    :D :) :wink:

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