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  1. #1
    wanawang Guest

    Default I NEED HELP PLS CHECK MISTAKE IN THIS ESSAGE!!!

    Secret Garden

    I have been sleeping at deep night after this year coming. Its already October now, the temperature is getting colder. I felt pain of my eyes because of sitting at the computer desk for long time tonight, so I wanted to stand up to get relaxed for a while. Outside of the windows, I found it was raining with mizzle now. The atmosphere was cool I thought, so I got myself into veranda. How cold outside! I took a long breath. My both hands folded naturally. Here sight so nice beyond my words, such moment such sight made me gazing at the mizzle under the street lamps that falling down piece by piece. Its wonderful with mixture of mizzle and that foggy light made sight so beautiful like poem. I was so happy for getting and enjoying such sight as if I just found the paradise at the moment out of foggy. The mizzle got many my old memories back. Suddenly, I just remembered a CD I was used to listening before ---Secret Garden. I got it out of the CD folder turned the music on. There was kind of sorrow coming into me while the graceful cantus starting around me.


    Remember its a long time before, I loved to enjoy album of Secret Garden every night. In such cantus, I feel myself walking into a peaceful world. In a right word, I should say I feel myself walking into a rich painting, feel myself like a princess in a castle. She always raise her head holding her hands, standing peacefully at the top of the castle under the starry sky, praying. She looks like waiting for and thinking something under the flash of stars. The loneness inside is the reason of the sorrow, but she is so peaceful... She knows how to feel loneness in this world. She thinks loneness that is also beautiful. There are many stars and the moon with a smile face companying with her to spend long night away. She said to herself, why I should be sad? I know, its just my prince still didnít appear, I will be here waiting for him coming. At the end of this story, he would be dancing with me, enjoying the stars and the moon above the sky everyday. Look, my white gown is flopping happily. How wonderful everything!
    ____________________
    THANK U IN ADVANCE :)

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: I NEED HELP PLS CHECK MISTAKE IN THIS ESSAGE!!!

    Secret Garden

    I have been sleeping late at night this year. Its already October now; the temperature is getting colder. I felt an ache in my eyes from sitting at the computer desk for a long time tonight, so I wanted to stand up to relax for a while. Outside the windows, I found it was raining with mizzle (drizzle???- if so, say 'found it wasa drizzling') now. The atmosphere was cool I thought, so I went onto the veranda. How cold outside! I took a deep breath. My hands folded naturally. Here was a sight so beautiful- beyond words, such a moment, such sight made me gaze at the drizzle under the street lamps falling drop by drop. It was wonderful with the mixture of mizzle and that foggy light, which made the sight as beautiful as a poem. I was so happy to see such a sight, as if I had just found paradise at the moment in the fog. The drizzle brought many old memories back. Suddenly, I just remembered a CD I used to listen to before ---Secret Garden. I got it out of the CD case and put it on. There was a kind of sorrow coming into me while the graceful cantus (???).


    Remember it'[s a long time since I used to enjoy the Secret Garden album every night. In such cantus (???- songs?), I feel myself walking into a peaceful world, rather, I should say I feel myself walking into a rich painting, feel like a princess in a castle. She always raises her head holding her hands (how do you raise your head holding your hands??), standing peacefully at the top of the castle under the starry sky, praying. She looks as if she is waiting for and thinking about something under the flash of stars. The loneliness inside is the reason for the sorrow, but she is so peaceful... She knows how to feel loneliness in this world. She thinks loneliness is also beautiful. There are many stars and the moon with a smiling face accompanying her through the long night. She says to herself, why I should be sad? I know, its just my prince still hasn't appeared, I will be here waiting for him to come. At the end of this story, he will be dancing with me, enjoying the stars and the moon above the sky everyday. Look, my white gown is flopping happily. How wonderful everything is!
    ____________________

    Hi, I've done a quick look through and made some changes.

  3. #3
    wanawang Guest

    Default thank u so much tdol.

    there is so much thanks i wanna say to u. when i after reading ur changes i get some good suggestions. like i just thought mizzle is drizzle, and falling down piece by piece is drop by drop. cool. :D

    here cantus i mean a nice rhythm of song , so how do i express?

    and She always raises her head holding her hands (how do you raise your head holding your hands, i mean the girl in a gesture , which her head is looking at the sky so her head should be looking up but what word would be right one? and meanwhile her hands is holding together like praying . so may here is a wrong expressing , but i think u can understand what i wanna show now , right ? :D hope so ...

    thank u so much :D

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default

    Use melody or something.

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