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  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Smile Please check these few lines

    I try to write few lines everyday to improve my writing. I write before I go to bed normally. I therefore end up writing the same thing every day. Can I get some ideas about how to practice writing? I have posted few of the lines that I wrote today. How do I improve my sentence structures?

    I went to shopping today. Since it is the Christmas time I was in the queue to pay my bill for over 15 minutes. When I finally went to the cash register the employee could not scan the item because price tag was missing from the coat I wanted to buy. So I waited few more minutes to get my stuff.

    I walked around all day in the mall my heels are hurting now. I go to the mall every often but, sometimes I buy few things and sometimes I just window shop. It is one of my favourite things that I do, especially in winter. I also enjoy seeing the Christmas decorations in different stores.

  2. #2
    Naamplao is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please check these few lines

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I try to write few lines everyday to improve my writing. I write before I go to bed normally. I therefore end up writing the same thing every day. Can I get some ideas about how to practice writing? I have posted few of the lines that I wrote today. How do I improve my sentence structures?

    I went to shopping today. Since it is the Christmas time I was in the queue to pay my bill for over 15 minutes. When I finally went to the cash register the employee could not scan the item because price tag was missing from the coat I wanted to buy. So I waited few more minutes to get my stuff.

    I walked around all day in the mall my heels are hurting now. I go to the mall every often but, sometimes I buy few things and sometimes I just window shop. It is one of my favourite things that I do, especially in winter. I also enjoy seeing the Christmas decorations in different stores.
    Your sentence structure is pretty good. You are using complex sentences and you are quite consistent with your verb tense. Minor corrections can be made and I highlighted them in red.

    As a suggestion for something to write about, read the newspaper and pick an article that you agree or disagree with and write your views on the matter.

    Here is my version of your writing:

    I went shopping today. Since it is Christmas time, I was in the queue to pay my bill for over 15 minutes. When I finally went to the cash register the employee could not scan the item because price tag was missing from the coat I wanted to buy. So I waited few more minutes to pay for my stuff.

    I walked around all day in the
    mall; my heels are hurting now. I go to the mall every often; sometimes I buy few things and sometimes I just window shop. It is one of my favourite things that I do, especially in winter. I also enjoy seeing the Christmas decorations in different stores.

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Please check these few lines

    I went shopping today. Since it is Christmas time, I was in the queue to pay my bill for over 15 minutes.

    a 'bill' is a printed form sent out by a company, as for electricity and gas. When we are talking about shops, we would use the words 'goods' or 'purchases', or 'my shopping' (which is a sort form of 'my shopping purchases' or 'item(s). Here, perhaps either 'goods' or 'item' would be the choices.


    When I finally went to the cash register, the employee could not scan the item because (definite article needed) the price tag was missing from the coat I wanted to buy. So I had to wait/waited (indefinite article needed) a few more minutes to pay for my stuff.

    ...pay for my item.

    (Please, please. Be very careful when you use that word 'stuff'. It is what inarticulate people resort to because they have a paucity of language and imagination.) Fortunately, when referring to shopping, it is an acceptable informal collective expression (since often with shopping, there may be many different items, such as clothes, make-up, a new kitchen kettle, and a CD etc).

    I walked around all day in the mall; my heels are hurting now.

    Do you specifically mean your 'heels' only? It is more usual to say, 'my feet'

    I go to the mall every often;

    You would have to say, 'I often go to the mall' or 'I go to the mall quite often'

    sometimes I buy (indefinite article needed) a few things and sometimes I just window shop. It is one of my favourite things that I do, especially in winter.

    '...favourite things to do, especially in winter.' is less clumsy;

    I also enjoy seeing the Christmas decorations in different stores.

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