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  1. #1
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    Exclamation Correct my writing please

    Think when my heart was clean
    when my life was beautiful, when my days were safe
    I had everything to live as another girls
    I had everything to say that I'm safe
    His anonymous soul has called me to be its victim, to be its tortured.
    He was the innocent man in my eye and he was the childish dream
    Think how much I cried my eyes out, how much I prayed for him
    I've lost a lot and I still don't know how my fate will be.. I still don't know how I can live these days
    He really could bring me to his heel.. and skilledly, he put me under his thumb
    I want to die
    Last edited by Devil's tear; 10-Dec-2007 at 02:37.

  2. #2
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's tear View Post
    Think back to when my heart was clean,


    when my life was beautiful, when I felt safe
    I had everything to live for--just as other girls.
    I had every reason to feel safe
    His anonymous soul has called me to be its victim, to be tormented.
    He was the innocent man in my eyes and he was the childish dream.
    Think how much I cried my eyes out, how much I prayed for him.
    I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be. I still don't know how I can live these days.
    He really brought me to heel, and he skillfully put me under his thumb

    I want to die.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    I should work hard at the tense I've used it wrongly.

    Thank you Ronbee I appreciate it. I can find out that you changed some phrases. I'm confused.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    It's a job of interpretation.

    __________________________________________________ _________________

    PHP Code:
    Think when my heart was clean 
    It's not an English sentence. So what was the writer trying to say? Taking context into consideration, I think it is about memories. So I say:
    Think back to when my heart was clean. (In other words: "Remember when....")
    PHP Code:
    when my life was beautifulwhen my days were safe 
    Well, days can't be safe. So I think it means:
    when my life was beautiful, when I felt safe
    PHP Code:
    I had everything to live as another girls 
    That doesn't make sense as it is. But I think this is intended:
    I had everyhing to live for--just as other girls.
    PHP Code:
    I had everything to say that I'm safe 
    That doesn't make sense as it is. But I think the writer is trying to say:
    I had evey reason to feel safe.
    PHP Code:
    His anonymous soul has called me to be its victimto be its tortured

    It's a task of interpretation. What does he want to do? He want to torment you. (To look up torment go to: www.onlook.com) So say:
    His anonymous soul has called me to be its victim, to be tormented.
    PHP Code:
    He really could bring me to his heel.. and skilledlyhe put me under his thumb 

    The phrase is bring to heel. For examples of its use go to Google. Also, the word you were looking for is skillfully.

    Any more questions?




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