Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    25
    Post Thanks / Like

    Smile Please review my translation.

    Could you please revise my translation? I translated a newspaper article for my practice.

    <Title>
    Ms. Shinkai Tamako used a woman’s viewpoint and developed a farm stand into business.

    <Introduction>
    Ms. Shinkai Tamako
    She is president of Grape Firm Ltd. She is from Fukuoka. She grows rice, vegetables, and Japanese plums with her husband, while she has two daughters and one son. She opened the company with four women in July 1997. She is also a Fukuoka-certified farmer. She serves on various committees in Fukuoka after she finished her duties as a publicly offered member of the governmental council—Food, Agriculture, and Farm Village Policy Making Council—in 2003. She has been a member of NHK Council on Digital Age since June 2006. She also has four grandchildren.

    <Main body>
    Ms. Tamako Shinkai says passionately, “A direct-sales stand was business created by women in a men-centered farm village. The stand is also a place where producers and consumers can interact.”

    She lives in Fukuoka and runs a farm stand—Grape Farm—while she is still a farmer. The stand sells lunchboxes and prepared meals that are made from a lot of fresh vegetables, rice, fruits and seasonal vegetables. Thus, the stand is filled with many customers every day.

    The stand was built in the field corner and opened in 1999. She had before grown grapes and vegetables with her husband, and had interacted with consumers on her own pace. She, however, thought that a single event couldn’t have consumers know deeply about farming. She was also worried that more import products and processed products were used in daily meals, and the bad effects were increasing year by year. She wanted to create a place where she can provide good quality of farm products and wanted to have consumers know about tastes of domestic vegetables as well as food cultures.

    Farm villages requiring a lot of physical labors were still men-centered society. Furthermore, she was 50’s already at that time. She appealed to her neighbors that she wanted to open a direct sales stand, but they objected the idea and said, “Such a stand cannot make profits”. She persuaded them, “The stand will surely make profits. To appeal the importance of meals as well as good tastes of vegetables from viewpoints of mothers results in the next generation’s dietary education. To see farm business from viewpoints of women results in agriculture promotion and area development.”

    She says, “Just before spring, only farmers can see beautiful light-green butterbur sprouts appear from grounds. My heart was cultivated by beauty of and preciousness of creatures arising from grounds. I wanted to cultivate city-dwellers’ hearts as well, by having city-dwellers eat farm products which were grown cordially by farmers.”

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    37
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please review my translation.

    Looks very good to me. The only thing I can see is a couple instances you used "business" when "a business" would be more appropriate. Damn fine work though.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    25
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please review my translation.

    Thank you very much for reviewing my translation.
    I'll practice more so that I can write a natural English as native speakers do.
    Thank you once again for your kind comment.

Similar Threads

  1. Have You Ever Tried The Art Of Translation?
    By Mad-ox in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 24-Jul-2009, 10:37
  2. please help me some books about translation
    By thinhnt in forum Text Analysis and Statistics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-Mar-2008, 00:42
  3. translation
    By moroccan girl in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 23-Mar-2007, 15:56

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk