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Thread: help thnx

  1. #1
    tachi Guest

    help thnx

    inspired by my friends i wrote some confusing things....
    and i always doubted my grammar
    last few times they claimed i made them cried
    i already checked them over and over myself
    but still not sure
    so can anyone lend me some help with grammar?


    I lay in my bed as the night falls. The clouds gathered concealing the sky dimming the world. My eyes fixed on the door, waiting for it to open. The room was absence of sound to the point I can hear my own heartís beat. I closed my eyes, his scent fill the room as if heís just near.

    Sun shinning through the window, morning finally came. The sun light landed on his pale face. Laying there like a lifeless doll, he is as beautiful as always. Maybe because I havenít slept for the whole night, everything seemed like a dream. Although I abhor the scent the hospital carried but knowing heís here I wonít hesitate even for a second to be by his side.

    The sky is getting dark, no longer can I see the sun. Wind became chilly, suddenly I felt cold, my legs are tired. How long have I been walking? Despair took over me when I realized I donít have a destination. Where can I go? Why am I here?

    The sky got darker as we walked on the sidewalk. I followed behind Kyo but neither of us spoke, this is the first time that Iím scared by the silence between us. I really wanted to reach out my hand and grab him, to let him know how much I miss him during these years. But I couldnít , afraid that he would ran away like last time, afraid that I would lose him again, too afraid to take any chances.

    You started to cry, our parents always said youíre the most mature out of three of us but I noticed ever since I told you about my feeling you cried so often. Is it really that painful for you to accept me?

    I donít think the question here is I believe you or not, itís just the pain, can I still handle it? Maybe itís better for both of us to keep a distance, I donít want you to regret. Maybe then you would remember me in the most perfect way.

    Youíre leaving today, itís already noon now are you in the airport yet? Looking at the clock, time is passing me by. Somehow I wish the time can be stop, then at least I still know youíre somewhere near me even if youíre not with me. I began to feel foolish, looking at the time you should already leftÖ

    .looking at the clock on the wall I really wish that it would turn the other way, to the time before I know what love meant. Itís too cruel, if we canít be together then why we have to meet? If we met each other then why we canít love each other? If I crossed the boundary will we be punish? I donít care if I canít have happiness I just want the person I love to be happy.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    12,970
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: help thnx

    Wonderful!
    I made a few minor changes.
    Please read below. :D


    I lie in my bed as the night falls. The clouds gathered concealing the sky dimming the world. My eyes fixed on the door, waiting for it to open. The room was absent of sound to the point I could hear my own heartís beat. I closed my eyes, his scent filled the room as if heís near.

    Sun shinning through the window, morning finally came. The sunlight landed on his pale face. Laying there like a lifeless doll, he is as beautiful as always. Maybe because I havenít slept for the whole night, everything seemed like a dream now. Although I abhor the scent the hospital carries, knowing heís here I wonít hesitate even for a second to be by his side.

    The sky is getting dark, no longer can I see the sun. The wind has a chill to it;suddenly I feel cold--my legs are tired. How long have I been walking? Despair took over me when I realize I donít have a destination. Where can I go? Why am I here?

    The sky got darker as we walked on the sidewalk. I followed behind Kyo but neither of us spoke. This is the first time that Iím scared by the silence between us. I really wanted to reach out my hand and grab him, to let him know how much I missed him during these years. But I couldnít, afraid that he would run away like last time, afraid that I would lose him again, too afraid to take any chances.

    You started to cry. Our parents always said youíre the most mature out of the three of us, but I noticed ever since I told you about my feelings that you cry so often. Is it really that painful for you to accept me?

    I donít think the question here is about me believing you or not. Itís just the pain--can I still handle it? Maybe itís better for both of us to keep our distance; Maybe then you would remember me in the most perfect way.

    You're leaving today. Itís already noon now. Are you at the airport yet? Looking at the clock, time is passing me by. Somehow I wish the time would stand still, then at least I would still know youíre somewhere near me even if youíre not with me. I began to feel foolish, looking at the time. You should have already leftÖ

    Looking at the clock on the wall I really wish that it would turn the other way, to the time before I knew what love meant. Itís too cruel, if we canít be together then why did we have to meet? If we met each other then why couldn't we love each other? If I crossed the boundary will we both be punished? I donít care if I canít have happiness; I just want the person I love to be happy.

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