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  1. #1
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    Red face Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    I need to submit this conclusion take a look please and tell me if it is grammatically correct. Thank you!
    The Returning Problem and the Enforced Decision

    It is highly probable that Peruvian families will continue their lives and projects in the Japanese society context; which is fundamental because family support system and unity can be maintained. In the decision-making process about returning to Peru, various conditional factors were identified as: homeland socio-economic improvements, better job opportunities, reunification with family members, although two are the most significant: the economic (earnings target) and the emotional (children’s desires on place of residence). Subsequently, these two conditional factors would be driven parents toward the enforced-decision. Because of the nature of the enforced-decision, their decision is expected to depend not only on the comparison of life standards between the home and the host country, but also would be strong affected by the strength of family relationships.
    However, a further question remains, why and when does the decision-making process turn into a enforced- decision to stay in Japan?, When the time for decision- making comes, parents will evaluate the situation of their children. They will find that younger members are not able to adjust to a different environment for various reasons; such as some of the Peruvian children arrived in Japan at a very young stage of their lives, and the most time of their life they have stayed in and grown up surrounded by the Japanese context. Others were born in Japan thus the only environment they have seen is the Japanese. Most of the children have a very low skill of Spanish language, or if they are able to speak, they are not prepared to write or read in Spanish. Besides, most Peruvian children attend Japanese school. Then, they carry out every day activities in a context where the images and traditions that they embrace daily are mostly Japanese. The language in which many demonstrate more proficiency is Japanese, and in fact, it has been adopted as their first language. In the best of cases children are bilingual. However, in most cases they speak easily Japanese and only understand Spanish daily conversation, typical phrases, and the linguistics codes used in their own family.
    In spite of these circumstances, desires of returning to Peru are still held by Peruvians parents; even though the situation is far from reality.
    Due to the fact that parents are enforced to choose Japan as the place of their permanent residence, many difficulties and frustrations confront them. Subsequently, I consider the outcomes of enforced-decision important to attend in prospective researches because of its future implications and effects on the family. Then, a critical question has been raised: What are going to be the consequences of enforced- decision for Peruvian families? .The answer is not easy to find out, an analysis of the current situation and the way how Peruvians identify their future are necessary to approach the problem.
    Then, after families decide their residence in Japan, I suggest that Peruvian immigrants will choose a different type of migration different from the standard of Stay or Return decision, and the new form could possible be called as the Va y Viene[1] strategy. This new strategy implies that Peruvians would be inclined to commute and share their time between the host and the origin country. They would spend a period in the home country and then come back to the host country. This new strategy has been brought to light because of the framework in which parents decide their residence based on the economic and emotional factors and declining on personal decision and hopes of future repatriation.

    [1] Va y Viene means comes and goes in English, but originally used in French as the Va -et- Vient by Coulon and Charles Wolff (2006)

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    They will continue living in Japan?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Yes, It wasnt clear right?

    P

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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Hello Mr. Ronbee,

    I haven't seen you sometimes. Where have you been?
    Happy new year,

    Nam Thao

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Quote Originally Posted by yrmacita View Post
    Yes, It wasnt clear right?

    P
    It could be more clear, yes. You could begin by saying that the Peruvian families will continue living in Japan.

    I recommend that the language be simplified.

    ~R

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Quote Originally Posted by namthao View Post
    Hello Mr. Ronbee,

    I haven't seen you sometimes. Where have you been?
    Happy new year,

    Nam Thao
    I usually post only on the weekend. Only occasionally do I post during the week.

    Do you have any comments on the essay?

    ~R

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Re:
    Subsequently, these two conditional factors would be driven parents toward the enforced-decision.
    What does that sentence mean? Specifically, what is meant by "would be driven parents"?

    Last edited by RonBee; 12-Jan-2008 at 14:49.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Rather than "younger members" I suggest saying "younger children".

    ~R

  9. #9
    majeb is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Hi, this is my first post here so I hope you don't mind that I am adding my two cents to your request.

    I do believe your text is extremely confusing (I truly don't know where you are from but it looks like something my students would have written, in what I call "their literal translation of too long, filled with words Spanish sentences into English style" . Note: just to make it clear, I am not attacking Spanish speakers since I am a Spanish speaker/Spanish is my mother tongue).

    For instance, your first paragraph: something like the following would make it clearer, simpler and straight to the point.

    Although Peruvian families will continue living in Japan -since they will keep the family unit intact there and their new and improved way of living- several are considering to return/returning to Peru.

    There are multiple factors for this: getting their family together again in the American continent, their homeland new socio-economic development, better job opportunities, etc., being higher salaries and family ties the most influential factsto enforce their return. This enforced decision............

    Best wishes

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

    Your advice is good, but I would simplify things even further.

    Quote Originally Posted by majeb View Post
    Although Peruvian families will continue living in Japan -since they will keep the family unit intact there and their new and improved way of living- several are considering to return/returning to Peru.
    Although most of the Peruvian families will continue living in Japan, several of them are considering returning to Peru.
    Quote Originally Posted by majeb View Post
    There are multiple factors for this: getting their family together again in the American continent, their homeland new socio-economic development, better job opportunities, etc., being higher salaries and family ties the most influential factsto enforce their return. This enforced decision............
    There are many things that affect that decision. Among them are job opportunities and family ties.

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