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Thread: Michael Jordan

  1. #1
    bilsonx is offline Newbie
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    Default Michael Jordan

    Does this loook ok? And is the title ok?
    Is there anything i should add or take out? Its a descriptive paragraph of michael jordan.



    NBA Legend with a Good Heart

    . Michael Jordan was an outstanding basketball player, well known for his great accomplishments and his good heart. He was the best basketball player in the NBA. He was a 5-time Most Valuable Player, won 6 NBA titles with the Chicago Bulls, and was ranked first in scoring average when he retired. He was brought up to be good-hearted, responsible and very dependable. Unlike many superstar athletes, he was not pushed by his parents to be a great athlete, but rather to be a good person with strong moral character, confidence, and high self esteem. He turned out to be very passionate and giving. He created a charitable foundation called the Michael Jordan Foundation. It supported charities and also created events for youth such as Minor League Baseball teams, basketball teams and other fun things for the youth to participate in. Michael Jordan’s foundation donated 5 million dollars to the National Foundation for the Improvement of Education. These are some of the reasons why Michael Jordan is known for his outstanding basketball skills and also his good heart.

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    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Michael Jordan

    Quote Originally Posted by bilsonx View Post
    Does this look ok? And is the title ok?


    Is there anything I should add or take out? It's a descriptive paragraph of michael jordan.


    Quote Originally Posted by bilsonx View Post
    NBA Legend with a Good Heart

    Michael Jordan was an outstanding basketball player, well known for his great accomplishments and his good heart. He was the best basketball player in the NBA.

    Quote Originally Posted by bilsonx View Post
    He was a 5-time Most Valuable Player, won 6 NBA titles with the Chicago Bulls, and was ranked first in scoring average when he retired.
    Make two sentences out of that.

    ~R

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    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Michael Jordan

    Quote Originally Posted by bilsonx View Post
    He turned out to be very passionate and giving.
    Don't you mean "compassionate"?
    Quote Originally Posted by bilsonx View Post
    He created a charitable foundation called the Michael Jordan Foundation. It supported charities and also created events for youth such as minor league baseball teams, basketball teams and other fun things for the youth to participate in. Michael Jordanís foundation donated five million dollars to the National Foundation for the Improvement of Education.
    Sports teams are not events. What would be a better word?

    ~R

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