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  1. #1
    bilsonx is offline Newbie
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    NBA Legend with a Good Heart

    Can someone please check this paragraph i need it at 2 oclock today, I would really appreciate it : )

    NBA Legend with a Good Heart

    Michael Jordan was an outstanding basketball player, well known for his great accomplishments and his good heart. He was the best basketball player in the NBA. He was a 5-time Most Valuable Player, won 6 NBA titles with the Chicago Bulls, and was ranked first in scoring average when he retired. He was brought up to be good-hearted, responsible and very dependable. Unlike many superstar athletes, he was not pushed by his parents to be a great athlete, but rather to be a good person with strong moral character, confidence, and a high self esteem which they succeeded. When it would be the last couple seconds of the game and his team would be down by 1 he would be the first person to say “give me the ball” because he knew he could score and win the game for his team. He turned out to be very passionate and giving. He created a charitable foundation called the Michael Jordan Foundation. It supported charities and also created organizations for the youth such as a Minor League Baseball team, a basketball team and even a skating team. Michael Jordan’s foundation donated 5 million dollars to the National Foundation for the Improvement of Education. These are some of the reasons why Michael Jordan is known for his outstanding basketball skills and also his good heart.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Re: Hurry please i need this paragraph checked before 2

    Whew - you are cutting it fine!

    It looks fine apart from this awkward sentence:

    When it would be the last couple seconds of the game and his team would be down by 1 he would

    On the occasions when the game was in its last seconds and his team was down by one point,

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Re: Hurry please i need this paragraph checked before 2

    Quote Originally Posted by bilsonx View Post
    Unlike many superstar athletes, he was not pushed by his parents to be a great athlete, but rather to be a good person with strong moral character, confidence, and a high self esteem which they succeeded.
    Delete the last three words in that paragraph. Also, it should be compassionate and not passionate (in a later sentence).

    Why did you start a new thread on this subject?


    ~R

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