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  1. #1
    jcdenton12 is offline Newbie
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    Arrow please check my short essay

    Hi
    my task is to write an essay about my favourite film in 100-150 words
    so here it is

    My favourite film

    I have seen many good films and some bad ones. If I had to choose only one, it would be Painkiller Jane.
    Jane, the main character of the film, is a young soldier. While she is on mission with other soldiers, her unit is exposed to the radiation and everybody except her is dead. She recovers from injuries sooner than expected. The radiation gave her an ability to heal herself from any kind of injury. This is the reason why army is trying to hunt her down and do experiments with her blood to be able to create almost immortal troops. Jane uses her new abilities to fight crime while struggling not to get caught by army. In the end she manages to escape and she starts new life with new identity.
    I like films from military background especially when the plot is something that enables people to do something strange. This film was exciting and if you are sci-fi fan, I recommend you to watch Painkiller Jane.


    my second question is
    what can I count for a "word"
    at school teacher told us that prepositions, articles and some others do not count as words


    thank you for your replies

  2. #2
    saman mirza is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please check my short essay

    For someone whose first language isn't english, your essay is really good. But it could be better. You have described the whole film. Your essay looks like a movie review. Try to write more about your reasons for liking the kind of movies you like. For example, you like sci -fi films. So, why is it so?
    Your grammar, vocabulary and spellings are perfect.
    Answering your second question; when you count words, you count all exept articles and prepositions. That is, you don't count words like a, an, the, for, and, on, etc.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: please check my short essay

    Quote Originally Posted by jcdenton12 View Post


    My Favourite Film

    I have seen many good films and some bad ones. If I had to choose only one to recommend, it would be Painkiller Jane.
    Jane, the main character of the film, is a young soldier. While she is on a mission with other soldiers, her unit is exposed to the radiation [what radiation?] and everybody except her is killed. She recovers from her injuries sooner than expected. The radiation gave her an ability to heal herself from any kind of injury. This is the reason why the army is trying to hunt her down and do experiments with her blood to be able to create almost immortal troops. Jane uses her new abilities to fight crime while struggling not to get caught by the army. In the end she manages to escape and she starts new life with a new identity.
    I like films with a military component especially when the plot is something that enables people to do something strange. This film was exciting and if you are sci-fi fan, I recommend that you watch Painkiller Jane.

    A word is a word is a word.

    ~R

  4. #4
    jcdenton12 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please check my short essay

    thank you for your replies
    I edited it a bit and I hope it it a bit better now (especially the end)


    My Favourite Film

    I have seen many good films and some bad ones. If I had to choose only one to recommend, it would be Painkiller Jane.

    Jane, the main character, is a young soldier. While she is on a mission with other soldiers, her unit is exposed to the virus and everybody except her is killed. She recovers from her injuries sooner than expected. The virus gave her an ability to heal herself from any kind of injury. For this the reason is the army trying to hunt her down and create nearly immortal troops. In the end she manages to escape and she starts new life.

    All in all, I think that this film is great for sci-fi fans. I love sci-fi because for me it is the best way to relax. Something looks ugly but with help of computers some unreal situations look pretty real so you think it can really happen. If you are sci-fi fan, I recommend that you watch Painkiller Jane.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: please check my short essay

    It is better, but I still have a suggestion or two.


    Quote Originally Posted by jcdenton12 View Post


    My Favourite Film

    I have seen many good films and some bad ones. If I had to choose only one to recommend, it would be Painkiller Jane.

    Jane, the main character, is a young soldier. While she was on a mission with other soldiers, her unit was exposed to the virus and everybody except her is killed. She recovers from her injuries sooner than expected. The virus gave her an ability to heal herself from any kind of injury. That is the reason is the army was trying to hunt her down and create nearly immortal troops. In the end she manages to escape and she starts new life.

    All in all, I think that this film is great for sci-fi fans. I love sci-fi because for me it is the best way to relax. Something looks ugly but with help of computers some unreal situations look pretty real so you think it can really happen. If you are sci-fi fan, I recommend that you watch Painkiller Jane.
    The reader is going to want to know what virus Jane was exposed to and how it happened to be where she could be exposed to it. Was it, for example, a result of biological warfare? (Was it a virus or was it radiation?)

    ~R

  6. #6
    jcdenton12 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please check my short essay

    thanks

    now tense question

    should I use present simple or past simple?
    because you corrected something to past simple and something stayed in present

    shouldn´t everything be in same tense?

    thanks

  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: please check my short essay

    You can keep the paragraph in question entirely in the present tense, but it wasn't entirely in the present tense to begin with. (Note the word gave, which is past tense.)
    Original:


    Jane, the main character, is a young soldier. While she is on a mission with other soldiers, her unit is exposed to the virus and everybody except her is killed. She recovers from her injuries sooner than expected. The virus gave her an ability to heal herself from any kind of injury. For this the reason is the army trying to hunt her down and create nearly immortal troops. In the end she manages to escape and she starts new life.


    Suggested rewrite:


    Jane, the main character, is a young soldier. While she is on a mission with other soldiers, her unit is exposed to the virus and everybody except her is killed. She recovers from her injuries sooner than expected. Exposure to the virus gives her the ability to heal herself from any kind of injury. That is the reason is the army tries to hunt her down and create nearly immortal troops. In the end she manages to escape and she starts a new life.
    Note: It should be a new life. (I missed that the first time.)

    What do you think?


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