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  1. #1
    jomo27's Avatar
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    Default Check it please!

    I just attend my first day of my new school, and the teacher wants me to write an essay about myself.

    So can you guys please check this out.



    About Me: Well, I'm just an ordinary boy who has a been given a name Tomo. I have 2 brown eyes, 1 nose, 2 ears, 1 mouth and brown hair. I'm not quite tall and yet not short, not thin and not fat, thats why I call myself as a ordinary guy. I consider myself as a chinese-japanese-indonesian and that sounds complicated or complex. And I'm just wondering why I am born and live in this world. But anyway, I have been in this world for almost 17 years.

    I like acting and dancing, and I think Im good at them. I love making jokes and weird things but people think that I'm a bit crazy or strange whenever I tell them jokes or do weird things but at least they laugh for it, and I'm glad with it. I just wanna make the situation more live and fun. I like to do everything that is related with arts. i think, in arts, you can show everyone your inside talents and skills. I like making new friendships with friens as i think friends are everything. Oneday, i will make myself as known as famous as all people know.

    I do also like sports, i just do them for exercise and fun.

    I think i cant write any more. and now its your turn to write for me. so, dont be hesitate to invite me as your friend and give comments.
    Last edited by jomo27; 17-Feb-2008 at 09:42.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Check it please!

    Quote Originally Posted by jomo27 View Post
    I just attend my first day of my new school, and the teacher wants me to write an essay about myself.

    So can you guys please check this out.



    About Me: Well, I'm just an ordinary boy who has a been given a name Tomo. I have 2 brown eyes, 1 nose, 2 ears, 1 mouth and brown hair. I'm not quite tall and yet not short, not thin and not fat, that's/that is why I call myself as a ordinary guy. I consider myself as a chinese-japanese-indonesian and that sounds complicated or complex. And I'm just wondering why I was born and live in this world. But anyway, I have been in this world for almost 17 years.

    I like acting and dancing, and I think I'm/I am good at them. I love making jokes and weird things. People think that I'm a bit crazy or strange whenever I tell them jokes or do weird things but at least they laugh for it, and I'm glad with it. I just wanna {do not use this kind of slangy word in a formal exercise >> want to] make the situation more lively/alive and fun. I like to do everything that is related to the arts. I think, in arts, you can show everyone your inside [individual/personal]talents and skills. I like making new friendships with friens as I think friends are everything. One day, I will make myself as known as famous as all people know.[famous all over the world/a famous person]

    I do also like sports. I just do them for exercise and fun.

    I think i cant [I can't] write any more. and now its [it's/it is] your turn to write to me. so, dont be hesitate [So please don't hesitate] to invite me as [to be/to become] your friend and give comments.[comments about what?]

    Capital "I" for the personal pronoun.

    Capitalization on proper names of countries/nationalities.
    .

  3. #3
    jomo27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Check it please!

    *Comments for my 'comments board'

  4. #4
    jomo27's Avatar
    jomo27 is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Check it please!

    Are all the grammars correct?

    Is it fine to say "I have 2 brown eyes, 1 nose, 1 mouth, etc..."?

    and "Who has a been given name Tomo"?

  5. #5
    jomo27's Avatar
    jomo27 is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Check it please!

    Forget this damn thread. I made the new one already.

    Closing this thread soon.

    Sorry for making you guys feel interupted.

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