I am not a teacher but I think I can help.
Corrections are made in blue.
A lot of people agree that studying history is important. On the other hand, there are some who believe that there is no use studying events that happened long ago. Therefore, they think that schools should stop teaching history. What is your opinion? Support your opinion with examples and relevant explanations.[/font]
[FONT='바]MY ESSAY >>[/font]
[FONT='바] [FONT='바]Right now, somewhere in this world, there take place many events, accidents, or problems. We can call all of these just HISTORY. Even what you did yesterday can be an history of yourself. Then, think about your daily lives. There is always a need that you should think about your own history. For example, if you have a problem which has ever happened in the past, you can't but recall your memory. This is because by this you can solve your problem more easily with the help of your history. Like this, history can be a great tool for understanding the problems. Moreover, if schools stop teaching history, people may lose their own identities. Through history they come to know who they are, where they come from, and when they are in the span of time. To know themselves is a very essential thing for being an real adult. That's because when they know themselves, they can deal with their problems or ones which happen around them more skillfully. They have already known what methods they are suited for and what ways they usually take for matters like these. So they can choose the best way for solving problems and this also will be kept in their minds for the later use. But if they can't catch themselves, they may now know how they act coming across the problems. In that, teaching history is very important in and out of individuals. We should keep on it and we can take advantage of it for our present and future lives. [/font][/font]
I have underlined most of the problematic languae in your essay. Here are some notes on your language:
- I don't think native speakers will start a sentence using "Like this, ..." You may want to rephrase it so that it is native-like.
- You can't also start your sentence with "In that,...."
- For Teachers