Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Sangdoo is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    5
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Hi Anyone,

    I'm just be a member. I'm not very good in English Writing. I think this website is very useful for anyone who wants to improve english language.

    Pls. kindly correct my application letter as below.

    Thank you very much in advance

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I have just seen your advertisement in web site www.jobsdb.com on Feb 27, 2008 requesting applications for Sales Specialist. I believe that this position is ideal for my work experience and I am eager to be on your staff.


    Currently, I work as Senior Thailand Sales Executive for XXX, which is manufacturing and exporting CDs & DVDs. Your company is one of my customer. Although, my selling products and services experience are not matched your requirements, I am confident that my knowledge and more than 5 years of experience in sales as well as negotiation skills will benefit your company and its goal.


    Enclosed resume, you would find more details of my skills and experience as well as training courses. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you at your convenience to discuss my qualification for a position with you. Please call me at 555555 or via email at XXXXX


    I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.

    Your sincerely,

  2. #2
    Stilo is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Hello Sangdoo

    As you have not received a reply, as yet, I will suggest a reply. I have been in HR for a good many years and have been on the receiving end of CV's. The accompanying letter should point out a certain amount of knowledge of the Company, but at this stage I would not include the fact that the Company is a customer of yours. Keep this in reserve for the interview. If there is anything that you are aware of, any unique points about the Company try to include, it will give you “brownie points”

    The first thing I would say is do not put any negative sentences in your accompanying letter. "Although, my selling products and services experience are not.......

    It was a very good attempt if, as you say you are not so good at written English.

    Dear Sir/Madam, (Better if you can obtain a name, dealing with them, you must have contacts!) But remember to change the ending to sincerelyI refer to your advertisement, dated 27 February 2008 on www.jobsdb.com for the position of a Sales Specialist. I believe that this position matches my experience. I have a knowledge of your Company and its goals (Make sure you have read up on the mission statement and aims) and I am eager to be a part of it.I am presently working for xxxx, manufactures and exporters of CD’s and DVD’s as a Senior Thailand Sales Executive. I have over 5 years experience in negotiation and sales which I know will benefit your company. I enclose my CV and would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications in more detail.
    I can be contacted on 555555 or via email XXXXXI look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
    Yours faithfully,

    “speaking with youthis cannot be used it you are not addressing a named person. but if you find that name, use “appreciate the opportunity of speaking to you in person, to discuss the position.”

    Faithfully is used when you are not addressing someone personally Sincerely is used with Dear Mr…….

    Hope that helps, let me know if there is anything else,Good luck, let me know how you get on

  3. #3
    NearThere is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Taiwan
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    308
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Stilo,

    What are "brownie points"?

    NT

  4. #4
    Stilo is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Sorry it is an English expression meaning extra points.

    The word Brownie comes from a younger group of what we call Guides or Scouts set up by Baden-Powell. I am not too sure what the equivilent is in America.
    Brownies work at gaining points in different ways which enable them to progress to a badge i.e. in cookery/map reading etc.
    In the context I used it, if, in a job application, you show you have done "your homework" with regard to the company you are applying to, it may make you stand out against the opposition. Hope this makes sence.
    Last edited by Stilo; 04-Mar-2008 at 18:10.

  5. #5
    NearThere is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Taiwan
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    308
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter



    Thank you!

    In my vague memory, I thought the term "brownie" in American English had something to do with kissing someone's behind (flattering excessively for gain) or sth, I may be wrong. So I thought you suggested "brownie points" to be something one should avoid doing. I was wrong.

  6. #6
    Stilo is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    I think you maybe thinking of "brown nosing" an expression I would never use, preferring to use "being a creep" or in (someone's name) pocket".


    Perhaps I should steer clear of English expressions in future. I used it as I thought this site was to improve English. I was trying to give an insight into English expressions.

    Sorry I was wrong.
    Last edited by Stilo; 05-Mar-2008 at 10:15. Reason: just had a thought re your meaning NT

  7. #7
    Sangdoo is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    5
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Hello Stilo

    Thank you very much for your suggestions . In order to have "brownie point" I have included the uniqe point as below. Pls. kindly advise.

    I am presently working for xxxx, manufactures and exporters of CD’s and DVD’s as a Senior Thailand Sales Executive. I have over 5 years experience in negotiation and sales which I know will benefit your company. The strides your company has taken in the computer technology market, namely the development of technology for use by any organization, make IBM a leader in this business

    Appreciate for your advice.
    Sangdoo

  8. #8
    Stilo is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Hello there, Yes that is just what was needed, you will certainly receive some "brownie points"

    It is that little bit extra that could hold you head and shoulders above the rest. Remember the recipient has to read through numerous applications and CV's, for each post that is available. He or she will only have seconds to skim through, therefore your covering letter needs to stand out from the rest. Did you manage to find out a name of a Personnel Manager or HR Manager to address the apllication to?


    I was glad to be of help. I would be interested in hearing how you get on.
    Regards, Stilo

  9. #9
    Sangdoo is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    5
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Thanks again for your advice. Finally I have got her name. I'm preparing to send all concerned docs. to her. Let's wait and see.

    Really appreciate for your kindness.
    Sangdoo

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    4
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

    Gentleperson first I want to congratulate you that your application is very much upto the mark. I wish you very best of luck for your future. Secondly I want to appreciate your thoughts about this website because i have recently joined this web and found it extremely helpful for learning english. Your can learn alot from here.
    Take care

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. application letter for a PhD position
    By hengou in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-Mar-2009, 07:06
  2. Kindly correct the letter
    By JRD in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 23-Dec-2007, 00:57
  3. Application letter
    By HyphenSpider in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-Feb-2007, 22:08
  4. Kindly correct the letter
    By JRD in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-Sep-2006, 17:20
  5. Please check and correct my letter
    By hello_there in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11-Jun-2006, 12:30

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk