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  1. #1
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    Jul 2007
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    Default Please check my essay.

    I have IELTS exam soon, so I need to reveal as much problems in my writing as possible. Any corrections and suggestions will be appropriated. Thank you in advance.

    Task: Write about the following topic:
    University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

    To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Essay:

    Nowadays education is very important either for men and women. However, because of personal preference different universities have different coefficient of male and female students. Therefore, from my point of view, the whole idea about any allowances based on person’s gender is absolutely wrong and unfair especially if it is supposed to be applied to university education. Only academic issues like assessment of knowledge which students have should be considered in this case.

    There are some fields of study which are considered to be more appropriate for people of particular gender, for example usually men are more interested in engineering sciences. Although number of female students in technical universities in the recent years tends to grow, dominance of male students still exists. Therefore it would be almost impossible to support equal parts of male and female students in every subject there.

    Moreover structure of university education often allows students to choose the subjects which they want to study and it would be unfair, in my opinion, to discard the student’ desire only because of his or her gender. Only assessment of knowledge related with this particular subject should be taken into account to select students who will be accepted to study the subject.

    To sum up, I would say that it is obvious that there are no reasons to justify the control of numbers of male and female students in the university and actually it is almost impossible to do because it might destroy the structure of university educational system.
    Last edited by Tvita; 22-Apr-2008 at 12:59.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Please check my essay.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvita View Post
    I have IELTS exam soon, so I need to reveal as much promlems in my writing as possible. Any corrections and suggestions will be appropriate. Thank you in advance.

    Task: Write about the following topic:
    University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

    To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Essay:

    Nowadays education is very important either for men and women [for both men and women] . However, because of personal preference different universities have different coefficient [ratios] of male and female students. Therefore, from my point of view, the whole idea about any allowances based on personís gender is absolutely wrong and unfair especially if it is supposed to be applied to university education. Only academic issues like assessment of knowledge which students have should be considered in this case.

    There are some fields of study which are considered to be more appropriate for people of particular gender, for example usually men are more interested in engineering sciences. Although the number of female students in technical universities in the recent years tends to grow,[has grown] dominance of male students still exists. Therefore it would be almost impossible to support equal parts numbers of male and female students in every subject there.[in these insitutions]

    Moreover the structure of university education often allows students to choose the subjects which they want to study and it would be unfair, in my opinion, to discard the studentís desire only because of his or her gender. Only assessment of knowledge related to a particular subject should be taken into account to select [ when selecting] students who will be accepted to study the subject.

    To sum up, I would say that it is obvious that there are no reasons to justify the control of numbers of male and female students in the university [universities] and actually it is almost impossible to do because it might destroy the structure of university educational system.
    .

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