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  1. #1
    kulforzaferrari is offline Newbie
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    Default Plz evaluate my essay

    I'm preparing for my GRE and my exam is on 31st. It would be really helpful if you can evaluate my essay and suggest any necessary changes to the format or styling etc.. which I can work on.Thank You.

    ISSUE TOPIC :The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people

    I would have to agree with the topic to a certain extent that “The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people.” A prime example would be that of India. A country truly rich in history and has inspired many great leaders like Gandhi and Nehru , also highly proclaimed artists like MF Hussain and never short of great scientists like CV Raman. It has even been credited with the invention of zero. But is this enough to term it as a “Great Nation”? I beg to differ on this contentious issue. If you juxtapose India’s rich heritage with the current social scenario, you would not think so too.
    Yes! It is a fast paced developing country, but its lop sided development. The richer are getting richer while the poor, poorer. A very high percentage of people are well below the poverty line i.e. they cannot even afford a square meal a day. Even with her great rulers, artists and scientists India cannot pass of a great nation because she’s proved highly incapable of looking after her proud people for a considerable time now.
    On the contrary it would also be unfair to consider only the welfare of the people as the surest indicator of a “Great Nation”. For example if you consider many of the middle eastern countries, though they have been highly prosperous and done a lot for the welfare of its people, most people would not acknowledge them as “Great Nations”. Most of these countries have failed to produce any notable rulers or artists with great expressions or even scientists with inspiring innovations. One can just acknowledge that they have made most of their resources but failed to revolutionize the world or achieve anything extraordinary for the world to wake up and take notice.
    Then what are “Great Nations”? If you take into account some of the older European countries they would definitely be in running for “Great Nations” tag. These nations have not only people who are highly successful in the various fields but also people who have enjoyed highly prosperous lives in comparison to others. They truly have changed people lived in their nation, but also in other nations too. They have never failed to inspire not only through their inventions like mp3 or computer but also left indelible impressions through their artistic impressions from van gogh, da vinci or even Mozart or Beethoven . Thus surest indicators of a great nation are not general welfare of its but equally so its rulers artists and scientists


  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Plz evaluate my essay

    A country truly rich in history and has inspired many great leaders like Gandhi and Nehru , also highly proclaimed artists like MF Hussain and never short of great scientists like CV Raman

    There is no verb in your sentence.

    Beware of overly long sentences. There is nothing wrong with short sentences. In fact, they can have great impact.

    India is a country truly rich in history and has inspired many great leaders like Gandhi and Nehru. Highly proclaimed artists such as MF Hussain and great scientists like CV Raman are also products of our country.

    Also, avoid using "you" in this essay.

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