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  1. #1
    764500 is offline Newbie
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    Smile Could you correct this story for me?

    I tried to translate an old story in English. But I am sure that there are a lot of mistakes and I would be grateful if you could correct to me, thank you

    Briefly that is Deli Dumrul's story: Once upon a time there was a place named Oguz and there used to live Duha Koca's son Deli Dumrul. He had built a bridge on the dried stream and if you go to on the bridge, he had taken 33 akce ( currency ) from you. If you don't go to on the bridge, he had taken 40 akce and as well as he had bludgeoned you. One day, a good looking valiant man had died next to a groups of nomands that Dumrul had seen to this event and he had beard Angel of Death but the God had not like to his speech. So that the God says:
    'Look at that crazy man and he do not know to my hegemony that do not thankfulness to me.'

    After that the God ordered Angel of Death: ' you are going to go to at once and death threat him after that die him!.'

    So, Angel of Death had appeared Deli Dumrul that he had drawn one's sword againstto Angel of Death but the angel had been a dove and flight. Then Angel of Death told him:
    'you should appeal the God that I ama a behest vassal.'
    So that Dumrul said the God: ' If I will die, please you kill me my God!...' And the God had been pleased with his rogation and ordered Angel of Death like this:
    'If he find a life inside of his own life that I can absolve him.'

    So that, Dumrul had gone to his father firstly but his father told him:
    ' the world is beautiful and my life beloved that I can not give you to my life.' And his mother also told him about same things. So, when Angel of Death came to kill him that he wanted to see his wife and his children once for all. He told his wife that I would die and so, you should married whoever want that my sons should not be orphan child. His wife answered :
    ' my life is sacrifice oneself for you!..'

    Hereupon, while Angel of Death will kill his wife, Dumrul appealed the God :
    'if you will kill my wife, kill together of us, please!..'
    The God had pleased of this beseech and had forgiven to Dumrul.

    Finally, the God ordered Angel of Death: ' kill his father and mother and add to life more 140 years to Dumrul and his wife!.'

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Re: Could you correct this story for me?

    Corrections, suggestions in blue.


    Quote Originally Posted by 764500 View Post
    I tried to translate an old story in English. But I am sure that there are a lot of mistakes and I would be grateful if you could correct to me, thank you
    I tried to translate an old story into English. But I am sure that there are a lot of mistakes, and I would be grateful if you would correct it for me.
    The word "it" in the second sentence refers to the story.


    Quote Originally Posted by 764500 View Post
    Briefly that is Deli Dumrul's story: Once upon a time there was a place named Oguz and there used to live Duha Koca's son Deli Dumrul. He had built a bridge on the dried stream and if you go to on the bridge, he had taken 33 akce ( currency ) from you. If you don't go to on the bridge, he had taken 40 akce and as well as he had bludgeoned you.
    Briefly, that is Deli Dumrul's story. One upon a time, there was a place named Oguz, and there lived Duha Koca's son Deli Dumrul. He built a bridge over a dry stream, and if you wished to cross the bridge you had to pay him 33 akce (currency). If you refused to cross the bridge, he took 40 akce from you and he bludgeoned you as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by 764500 View Post
    One day, a good looking valiant man had died next to a groups of nomands that Dumrul had seen to this event and he had beard Angel of Death but the God had not like to his speech.
    That is not clear enough for me to be able to make any suggestions.
    Quote Originally Posted by 764500 View Post
    So that the God says:
    'Look at that crazy man and he do not know to my hegemony that do not thankfulness to me.'

    After that the God ordered Angel of Death: ' you are going to go to at once and death threat him after that die him!.'
    So God says: "Look at that crazy man! He does not know his hegemony, and he is not thankful to me."

    After that, God ordered the Angel of Death: "Go at once. Threaten him with death, and then kill him."

  3. #3
    764500 is offline Newbie
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    Re: Could you correct this story for me?

    Hi Ronbee,

    Thank you so much for correct it to me. So, I will write it again and saw my mistakes.

    You said that was not clear enough for you to be able to make any suggestions. So, I would like to write that sentences;

    ''One day, a good looking valiant man died near the bridge and while he was die, Dumrul saw him and Angel of Death. After that he beard Angel of Death and God, but God angry his beard.''

    Only, I tried it for be more clear. Of course, I still don't know it was correct or false.

  4. #4
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    Re: Could you correct this story for me?

    Quote Originally Posted by 764500 View Post
    ''One day, a good looking valiant man died near the bridge and while he was die, Dumrul saw him and Angel of Death."
    One day, a valiant and good-looking man died near the bridge, and while he was dying Dumrul saw him and the Angel of Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by 764500 View Post
    After that he beard Angel of Death and God, but God angry his beard.''

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Re: Could you correct this story for me?

    Say:
    Thank you so much for correcting it for me.
    I tried to make it more clear/clearer.

  6. #6
    chamith is offline Newbie
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    Post mother courage and her children

    pls give me a brief idea about the story and characters

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