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    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 3
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    #1

    Correct my email message please

    Dear all Please correct the following email message for business purpose, It is not a spam mail. I want correction for the sentence making and grammar mistakes. I is very useful for me
    FREE and New Home Based Business Opportunity
    This Is One Time Offer Never Comes Again

    Dear Friend.

    I introduce myself my name is S.Thirumurthi. I am the Managing Trustee of the Foundation for Disabled trust. It is a registered trust in Coimbatore and it was registred at Coimbatore registered office (Registered No 1334/2007) in Tamil Nadu. We are running a very good fund raising program for development of our trust activities and conduct various social services. We introduce a Binary program for the Development of the trust. It is a new program started only 3 months ago. Now we reach more than 500 members. The entry donation amount is Rs.600/- for one time only. For the Donors we give Rs.1,00,000 worth of Personal Accident Policy issued by The New India Assurance Company Limited. It is a Government of India company. We give commission as Rs. 200/- per pair. Daily ceiling is 5 pairs. You can earn maximum Rs.1000/- per day.

    I will give a ground-floor opportunity especially to you comes under our company direct. I will give a credit entry for you and your friends and those who are willing to join in our program. It is very good opportunity to earn maximum Rs.1000/day, Rs.7000/week and Rs.30,000/month. Kindly visit and go through in our website for full details

    Online registration is available in our site. So you can able to register your down-line members through internet, based upon pin-numbers supplied by me. If you are interested to join and willing to work, please send reply as soon as possible. You are the first member in your area/district/state. So you can achieve your aim and earning target very easily. I also give a special offer to you i.e I will give Rs.25/ per entry coming from your entire down line member. If you have any doubt and any other clarifications, feel free to write to my email ID
    I expect your favorable reply.
    Thanks
    With kind regards
    S.Thirumurthi

    .


    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 17
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Correct my email messgae please

    I am not a teacher, but here is my suggested message:

    =====================

    Dear Friend

    Firstly, let me introduce myself, I am S.Thirumurthi. I am the Managing Trustee for Foundation for Disabled trust, registred at Coimbatore (Registered No 1334/2007) in Tamil Nadu. We run a fund raising program for development of our trust activities and conduct various social services. We have introduced a Binary program for the Development of the trust. Itís a program started 3 months back and now has more than 500 members. The entry amount is Rs.600/- paid once. To the Donors we issue Personal Accident policy (worth Rs.1,00,000) from The New India Assurance Company Limited.


    We compliment bonus rates at Rs. 200/- per pair, with daily ceiling of 5 pairs and maximum earning oppportunity of Rs.1000/- per day.

    We will arrange a ground floor for you, if you come and visit our company in person. We will also load you, your friends, and all those who are willing to join our program with a credit entry. It is a wonderful chance to earn Rs.1000/day, Rs.7000/week and Rs.30,000/month. Visit out website for full details.

    Onsite you would be to register your down-line members, using the pin-number issued by me. If you are interested to join, reply as soon as possible. If you are the first member in your area/district/state, you can achieve your aim and earning target very easily.


    For any clarifications, feel free to write me



    A Thanks With kind regards
    S.Thirumurthi

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