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    • Join Date: Apr 2008
    • Posts: 2
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    #1

    Can you please check my paragraph?

    I still remember when I decided to move to Dallas. I was working as a teacher in El Salvador when I come for vacations to the United States. I asked to my boss for permission to leave my job 1 month. I got ready to come in one week. I took an airplane to Houston where my best friend lives. We visited exciting places. We went to San Jacinto and Galveston. After 3 weeks there, one of my cousins in Dallas called me. She offered me a job in Dallas. I drove from Houston to Dallas. I applied for the job, and I got it. Now, I have been living in Dallas for four years. I will never forget when I moved to Dallas.


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #2

    Re: Can you please check my paragraph?

    I still remember when I decided to move to Dallas. I was working as a teacher in El Salvador when I came to the United States on vacation. I asked ( to-omit) my boss for a months leave from my job and was ready to go in one week. I took an airplane/I flew to Houston where my best friend lives.
    We visited exciting places.
    We went to San Jacinto and Galveston.
    Sentences are short and give a stop-start-stop effect. The text loses its sense of 'flow'

    After 3 weeks there, one of my cousins in Dallas called me.
    She offered me a job in Dallas.
    (ditto)
    I drove from Houston to Dallas.
    I applied for the job, and was successful.
    Now, I have been living in Dallas for four years.
    I will never forget when I moved to Dallas.

    Can you combine some of the information to make longer sentences?

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