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  1. #1
    Nia Huang is offline Newbie
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    Smile can anyone rewrite this sentence?

    "April 2005, as a result of the municipal government’s department reform, Mr.H was recruited into the Development and Reform Commission. He first served as the chief of the Enterprise and Market Reform Section from April 2005 to November 2007. Since December 2007, He has been served as the chief of the Society Development Section under the same commission."

    I feel the sentence is not concise enough. can anyone help? I am struggling here.

    I

  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: can anyone rewrite this sentence?

    "April 2005, as a result of the municipal government’s department reform, Mr.H was recruited into the Development and Reform Commission. He first served as the chief of the Enterprise and Market Reform Section from April 2005 to November 2007. Since December 2007, He has been served as the chief of the Society Development Section under the same commission."

    I feel the sentence is not concise enough. can anyone help? I am struggling here.



    There are three sentences here. Only the last one is gramatically wrong.

    Since December 2007, he has served under the same commission as chief of the Society Development Section.

  3. #3
    Nia Huang is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: can anyone rewrite this sentence?

    susiedqq, thank you for your help:)

  4. #4
    arunp is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: can anyone rewrite this sentence?

    Quote Originally Posted by susiedqq View Post
    "April 2005, as a result of the municipal government’s department reform, Mr.H was recruited into the Development and Reform Commission. He first served as the chief of the Enterprise and Market Reform Section from April 2005 to November 2007. Since December 2007, He has been served as the chief of the Society Development Section under the same commission."

    I feel the sentence is not concise enough. can anyone help? I am struggling here.


    There are three sentences here. Only the last one is gramatically wrong.

    Since December 2007, he has served under the same commission as chief of the Society Development Section.
    I think the first sentence should begin as " In April 2005,........

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