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Thread: proofreading

  1. #1
    peter123 is offline Senior Member
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    Default proofreading

    Hi there,

    please proofread the following sentences.

    Thanks



    1. I would appreciate the opportunity to put my knowledge and skills on sales to work for your company.
    2. I gain considerable experience in organising activities in my part time jobs as a promoter.
    3. Helping others will bring me a great sense of satisfaction. Last year, in a visit to an elderly centre, I was responsible for teaching the elderly to use computers. In this activity, I sensed the enthusiasm of the elderly in learning new things, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment in the visit.


    pete

  2. #2
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    Default Re: proofreading

    What type of job is this an application for and what type of company - what do they do?

  3. #3
    peter123 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: proofreading

    hi there,

    a salesperson

    thanks
    pete

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    Default Re: proofreading

    I would appreciate the opportunity to put my knowledge and skills in sales to work for your company.

    2. I have gained considerable experience in organizational skills from arranging activities (do you mean 'event's) as a part-time promoter.


    3. Helping others will bring me a great sense of satisfaction. Last year, in a visit to an elderly centre, I was responsible for teaching the elderly to use computers. In this activity, I sensed the enthusiasm of the elderly in learning new things, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment in the visit.

    Can I just check - why are you including this? Has the job advert asked something about 'helping others'?? Is this selling some 'helpful' product??

  5. #5
    peter123 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: proofreading

    HI there,
    Thanks a lot.
    The following is not part of the letter. I just wrote for proofreading. Could you just read and see if there is any mistake. Thanks a lot.

    Helping others will bring me a great sense of satisfaction. Last year, in a visit to an elderly centre, I was responsible for teaching the elderly to use computers. In this activity, I sensed the enthusiasm of the elderly in learning new things, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment in the visit.

    pete

  6. #6
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    Default Re: proofreading

    Helping others

    will bring : if something is already organized where you will shortly be helping people.
    otherwise:
    would bring : if you are seeking some opportunity to help - IF I had the opportunity, then (it would bring satisfaction.)


    me a great sense of satisfaction. Last year, in a visit to

    a centre for retired people : don't use 'elderly' as it is then repeated in the next part of the sentence. What was the centre? Can you think of any other simple description?

    I was responsible for teaching the elderly to use computers. (In this activity-omit), I sensed the enthusiasm of the elderly in learning new things, and (I-omit) felt a great sense of accomplishment in the visit.

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