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  1. #1
    popsie is offline Junior Member
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    Default Students and Sports

    All school children should play team sports

    In today’s world, sport is one of the best possibilities how to spend a leisure time. The most popular team sports are football, hockey, baseball, basketball, rugby or soccer.

    Some people claim that all scholars should attend collective sports. They believe that when one is member of a team, one would learn how to be more responsible for a team, cope with team‑mates. In addition to, one is better prepared to find his place in society. In other words, team sports provide better preparation for life.

    However, other people believe that this opinion is erroneous. They think that all scholars do not have to play team sports. They believe that if one wishes to play tennis, badminton or other kind of an individual sport, one does not have to play another sport just for feeling to be in a team. Furthermore, one can be interested in music, reading or something like that, one does not have to be fun sport at all.

    To sum up, it seems to me that it is necessary to support young children in their activities. It is not so important if scholars play team sport. Much more important is encouraged them in which they like to do.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Composition - pls. correct my writing

    All school children should play team sports

    In today’s world , sport is one of the best possibilities how(it should be omitted) to spend (I think 'use' or some other verb should be used) a (our) leisure time. The most popular team sports are football, hockey, baseball, basketball, rugby or (and) soccer.

    Some people claim that all scholars should attend collective sports. They believe that when one is member of a team, one(he) would learn how to be more responsible for a (the/that one)team, and how tocope with team‑mates. In addition to(should be omitted)
    , one is better prepared to find his place in society. In other words, team sports provide better preparation for life.


    However, other people believe that this opinion is erroneous. They think that all scholars do not have to play team sports. They believe that if one wishes to play tennis, badminton or other kind of an(omitted it) individual sport, one (too many of 'one') does not have to play another sport just for feeling to be in a team. Furthermore, one who can (may) be interested in music, reading or something like that(any others), one (not need this) does not have to be fun sport( I am so confused) at all.

    To sum up, it seems to me that it is necessary to support young children in their activities. It is not so important if scholars play team sport. Much more important is encouraged them in which they like to do.[/quote]

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Composition - pls. correct my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by popsie View Post
    Much more important is encouraged them in which they like to do.
    Much more important is encouraging them to do what they like to do.

  4. #4
    popsie is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Composition - pls. correct my writing

    Thanks so much for checking my essay. I've still some doubts. I've corrected my essay according to your notes and changed the second part of my writting a little bit.

    Thanks once more for helping me.


    All school children should play team sports

    In today’s world , sport is one of the best possibilities to use our leisure time. The most popular team sports are football, hockey, baseball, basketball, rugby and soccer.

    Some people claim that all scholars should attend collective sports. They believe that when one is member of a team, one would learn how to be more responsible for the team, and how to cope with team mates. In addition, one is better prepared to find his place in society. In other words, team sports provide better preparation for life.

    However, other people believe that this opinion is erroneous. They think that all scholars do not have to play team sports. They believe that if one wishes to play tennis, badminton or other kind of individual sport, it is enough. Furthermore, one does not have to be sport lovers at all, one may prefer music or any others hobbies, that are not connected with sport..

    To sum up, it seems to me that it is necessary to support young children in their activities. It is not so important if scholars play team sport. Much more important is encouraging them to do what they like to do.

  5. #5
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Composition - pls. correct my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by popsie View Post
    Thanks so much for checking my essay. I've still some doubts. I've corrected my essay according to your notes and changed the second part of my writting a little bit.

    Thanks once more for helping me.


    All school children should play team sports

    In today’s world , sport is one of the best possibilities ways to use our leisure time. The most popular team sports are football, hockey, baseball, basketball, rugby and soccer. [Slight cavil - soccer and football are the same thing in the UK]

    Some people claim that all scholars should attend collective sports. They believe that when one is member of a team, one would learn learns how to be more responsible for the team, and how to cope with team mates. In addition, one is better prepared to find his place in society. In other words, team sports provide better preparation for life.

    However, other people believe that this opinion is erroneous. They think that all scholars do not have to play team sports. They believe that if one wishes to play tennis, badminton or other kind of individual sport, it is enough. Furthermore, one does not have to be sport lovers a sport lover at all, one may prefer music or any other hobbies that are not connected with sport.

    To sum up, it seems to me that it is necessary to support young children in their activities. It is not so important if scholars play team sport. Much more important is encouraging them to do what they like to do.
    .

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Composition - pls. correct my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by popsie View Post
    Some people claim that all scholars should attend collective sports.
    Some people claim that all scholars should play team sports.
    Almost there.

  7. #7
    popsie is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Composition - pls. correct my writing

    Thanks a lot for helping me.

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