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  1. #1
    ametisto is offline Newbie
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    Default Introduction to Demography - Proofread

    Hi,

    Could a native speaker please proofread the following text and tell me if it's written in a comprehensive and coherent way. I translated the article, which introduces the concept of Demography to the reader, from German and would like to know if non-German native speakers can understand what it is about. Thanks

    Workforce determining location factor

    The growth of a political economy is driven from three sources, two of which are the growth of the workforce and the increase in production capital.

    In Germany, the first of these two sources has run dry due to demographic reasons. As a result of that, the second source is also receding since investments are on the decline and production is shifted overseas. Thus, if the third source, termed technical progress by political economists, did not exist, the gross domestic product’s growth rate, which is currently ranging between a mere one and two percent, would be close to zero.

    Long production chain

    In demographically shrinking countries such as Germany, scientific and technological advances have become the sole source of prosperity. This is the result of a long production chain, beginning with the education of children receptive to learning and continuing in schools and universities before finally becoming manifest in companies in the form of high-quality products.

    In Germany, demographic reasons have resulted in a considerable slowing down of technological advances since the important age group of the 20- to 50-year old, being xxx, is declining by hundreds of thousands per annum; and even the high number of immigrants, the best part of who pertain to the above age group, doesn’t manage to bring this decline to a halt.

  2. #2
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Introduction to Demography - Proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by ametisto View Post
    In Germany, the first of these two sources has run dry due to demographic reasons. As a result of that, the second source is also receding, since investments are on the decline and production has shifted overseas. Thus, if the third source, termed technical progress by political economists, did not exist, the gross domestic product’s growth rate, which is currently between one and two percent, would be close to zero.


    Quote Originally Posted by ametisto;287141[I
    In Germany, demographic reasons have resulted in a considerable slowing down of technological advances, since the important age group of the 20- to 50-year-olds, being xxx, is declining by hundreds of thousands per annum; and even the high number of immigrants, the best part of which belong to the above age group, doesn’t manage to bring this decline to a halt.

  3. #3
    ametisto is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Introduction to Demography - Proofread

    Thanks heaps for that. I have a few comments, though.

    "...since investments are on the decline and production has shifted overseas."

    The original version of the text is written in the passive, meaning that companies have shifted their production overseas. That's why I chose production is shifted. Is there any way to retain the original passive in the target text?

    ..."and even the high number of immigrants, the best part of which belong to the above age group,..."

    I have been racking my brains over this for ages... Why did you suggest which instead of who? As I see it, the relative clause refers to immigrants, hence the relative pronoun who. Am I wrong?

    Thanks again for proofreading the text. Really appreciate it.

    Cheers,

    Daniel

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    Default Re: Introduction to Demography - Proofread

    I once lost an argument because I couldn't remember the phrase dependent clause. I will try to get some help.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Introduction to Demography - Proofread

    Hi ametisto (Hi Ron )

    In reply to your first question, 'is shifted' doesn't work but 'shifted' or 'has shifted' does. The latter also follows the tense in the first sentence:
    In Germany, the first of these two sources has run dry due to demographic reasons. As a result of that, the second source is also receding since investments are on the decline and production [has] shifted overseas.
    Note that, neither of the sentence above is written in passive voice.

    In reply to your second question, the subject of the phrase 'the higher number of immigrants' is not the word 'immigrants=who', but rather the quantifier 'number-=which':
    ... the high number of immigrants, the best part of who pertain to the above age group, doesn’t manage to bring this decline to a halt.
    Note, 'the better part of' is a collocation.


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