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Thread: April

  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default April

    Dear people.
    Please, would you proofread my new poem.

    April

    At the end of April women in Sweden start blooming.

    They have fought with harsh winter days for six long months

    but now their turn has come.

    Like an unstoppable flood they inundate the streets,

    giving men a difficult time.


    Long legs, short legs, mini skirts, tight tops, firm breasts,

    bare bottoms, thongs...

    fall like bombs on the towns.

    Men sigh and drool

    They are defenceless.


    From the end of April I use to sit inside

    and keep myself away from the temptation.

    Whenever I am outside, my eyes are chained to the ground.

    I have got an ultimatum,

    and must take a harsh decision.

    I cannot compromise.


    Poetry is a jealous lover, she wants you all for herself.

    Once she told me,"Women or me!" and smirked.

    I know if she leaves me, she will never come back.

    I will die of sadness, my poems become orphans.


    April is the most difficult time for me .

    When everything is burgeoning and passions fill the street

    I must bow my head and look down.

    Poetry is a very jealous lover.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: April

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post

    April

    At the end of April women in Sweden start blooming.

    They have endured harsh winter days for six long months

    but now their turn has come.

    Like a tsumani they flood the streets,

    giving men a difficult time.

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: April

    RonBee

    Thank you for helping me.

    I am just wondering if I could use the word fought and maybe struggled instead of "endured" harsh winter days? Because sometimes it so cold that one feels one have to struggle with the winter!

    Bassim

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: April

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    RonBee

    Thank you for helping me.

    I am just wondering if I could use the word fought and maybe struggled instead of "endured" harsh winter days? Because sometimes it so cold that one feels one have to struggle with the winter!

    Bassim
    That's an interesting concept.

  5. #5
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: April

    Poetry is a jealous lover; she wants you all for herself.


    I really like this line!

    Ah yes, Spring is when a young man's fancy turns to women . . .

  6. #6
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: April

    Susiedqq

    I am just wondering if the rest of the poem is grammatically correct?
    For example is the verse, "Like an unstoppable flood they inundate the streets.." all right?

    Best wishes,
    Bassim

  7. #7
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: April

    April

    Women in Sweden start blooming at April's end

    They have fought harsh winter days for six long months

    Now their turn has come.

    Unstoppable, they flood the streets,

    giving men a difficult time.


    Long legs, short legs, mini skirts, tight tops, firm breasts,

    bare bottoms, thongs...

    fall like bombs on the towns.

    Men sigh and drool

    defenseless and yearning.


    I use to sit inside in April

    to keep away from the temptation.

    Outside, my eyes are chained to the ground.

    I've been given an ultimatum,

    a harsh decision to make.

    I cannot compromise.

    Poetry is a jealous lover; she wants you all for herself.


    Once she told me,"Women or me!" and smirked.

    I know if she leaves me, she will never come back.

    I will die of sadness; my poems become orphans.


    April is the most difficult time for me

    When everything is in bloom and passion fills the streets

    I must bow my head and look down.

    Poetry is a very jealous lover.

  8. #8
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: April

    Susiedqq

    Thank you very much for your quick replay.
    Thank your for your time.

    Best wishes,
    Bassim

  9. #9
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: April

    I like struggled better than fought, thus:
    They struggled with the harsh winter for six long months.

  10. #10
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: April

    Long-legged blondes wearing short skirts. Hm.

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