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Thread: revision needed

  1. #1
    feryeng is offline Newbie
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    Default revision needed

    Hope somebody can check my grammar, my spell and the structure of my writings. Thank you very much in advance for your help.



    I have the pleasure of writing to you for the first time.
    My name is Fernando, I am a Colombian who came to Japan in 2004. Last March I finished the master course in the Faculty of International Relations in Chiba University. The title of my research was “Ethnic media in Japan”, in which I explores the social functions of the ethnic mass media from an empirical approach inside of the ethnic minorities in Japan, registering and analyzing the areas in which the ethnic media exerts its influence over the identities of the minority groups in Japan. As a social phenomenon the ethnic media in Japan deserve special attention and a more complete analysis of its evolution and social function in the contemporary Japan.
    I don’t want to distract too much from your daily activities so I pass to explain the purpose of this E-mail: I have strong intentions to continue my research in Japan, and I would like to apply to the research program in the faculty of interdisciplinary studies, which applications are open until the end of this month, for the period of October 2008 to March 2009. I would like to have an appointment to talk about my research and the possibility to receive your guidance during the research program. I hope that you can open a space in your busy schedule to receive me.
    I will be waiting for your reply.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: revision needed

    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    Hope somebody can check my grammar, my spell and the structure of my writings.

    I hope somebody will check my grammar, my spelling, and the structure of my writing.


    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    I have the pleasure of writing to you for the first time.
    My name is Fernando, I am a Colombian who came to Japan in 2004. Last March I finished the master course in the Faculty of International Relations in Chiba University.
    I have the pleasure of writing to you for the first time.
    My name is Fernando. I am a Colombian who came to Japan in 2004. Last March I finished the Master's course at the Faculty of International Relations at Chiba University.
    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    The title of my research was “Ethnic media in Japan”, in which I explores the social functions of the ethnic mass media from an empirical approach inside of the ethnic minorities in Japan, registering and analyzing the areas in which the ethnic media exerts its influence over the identities of the minority groups in Japan.

    I suggest that you make two or three sentences out of that.

    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    As a social phenomenon the ethnic media in Japan deserve special attention and a more complete analysis of its evolution and social function in the contemporary Japan.


    As a social phenomenon the ethnic media in Japan deserve special attention and a more complete analysis of its evolution and social function in contemporary Japan.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: revision needed

    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    I don’t want to distract too much from your daily activities so I pass to explain the purpose of this E-mail: I have strong intentions to continue my research in Japan, and I would like to apply to the research program in the faculty of interdisciplinary studies, which applications are open until the end of this month, for the period of October 2008 to March 2009.
    Make that two or three sentences.
    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    I would like to have an appointment to talk about my research and the possibility of receiving your guidance during the research program. I hope that you can take the time out of your busy schedule to receive me.
    Quote Originally Posted by feryeng View Post
    I will be waiting for your reply.


    _________________________
    ~R

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