Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: PLease help me

  1. #1
    shasha1 Guest

    PLease help me

    can any one tell me how can i make this paragraph short (writing short sentence techinque)
    can any one give me a tip! thanks

    paragraph is:

    One of the most difficult aspects of corresponding with people you have not met face-to-face is establishing a personal relationship with them in order to show them that you are not just a letter-writing machine but a real person

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    1,369
    Post Thanks / Like
    Breaking the ice is a difficult part of correspondence.

    FRC

  3. #3
    shasha1 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Francois
    Breaking the ice is a difficult part of correspondence.

    FRC
    You replied

    Breaking the ice is a difficult part of correspondence.


    i did not get it!
    you put whole paragraph in one line can you please explain this. Thanks in advance

  4. #4
    shasha1 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by shasha1
    Quote Originally Posted by Francois
    Breaking the ice is a difficult part of correspondence.

    FRC
    You replied

    Breaking the ice is a difficult part of correspondence.


    i did not get it!
    you put whole paragraph in one line can you please explain this. Thanks in advance
    Adding further I would like to start this paragraph from:

    Writing to people ....

    can you help me in this case

    thanks

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    1,369
    Post Thanks / Like
    Breaking the ice => getting from a formal to a more cordial/personal relationship

    FRC

  6. #6
    shasha1 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Francois
    Breaking the ice => getting from a formal to a more cordial/personal relationship

    FRC
    Adding further i would want to start this paragraph from:

    Writing to people ....

    can you help me in this case. I tried to start it from given phrase but it does not look impressive

    please help me in this regard

    thanks

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    1,369
    Post Thanks / Like
    Text summary is a useful exercice as it tests both your understanding and your vocabulary. Replacing phrase with precise nouns, adjectives or verbs is a big part of the job. That's why I would use 'correspondence' instead of 'writing to people'. Let's do a breakdown:

    One of the most difficult aspects of corresponding with people you have not met face-to-face is establishing a personal relationship with them in order to show them that you are not just a letter-writing machine but a real person
    One of the most difficult aspects: this says that there are several difficult aspects, and that this one is at the top of the list. We don't need to keep all these details in our final sentence: readers know that there's not only one difficult aspect, and the fact that it's at the top of the list is not vital. The fact that we talk about it already means it's important.
    corresponding with people you have not met face-to-face: we can do away with that; the context will make it clear that we're talking about people who have not met.
    establishing a personal relationship with them: That's the core of the sentence. I replaced that with "breaking the ice" to save some words.
    in order to show them that you are not just a letter-writing machine but a real person: this is just a way of emphasizing "personal relationship". The person we correspond with certainly know we're not a machine (ask Turing). Consequently, we can discard this part.
    Bottom line is, use precise vocabulary, don't hesitate to prune some secondary information, and rely on context to save words.

    Now, say you still want to start with "Writing to people", as an extra constraint, I would say:
    Writing to people you've not met comprises difficult aspects as making the relationship personal.
    => It's significantly longer, though closer to the original sentence. You be the judge.

    FRC

  8. #8
    shasha1 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Francois
    Text summary is a useful exercice as it tests both your understanding and your vocabulary. Replacing phrase with precise nouns, adjectives or verbs is a big part of the job. That's why I would use 'correspondence' instead of 'writing to people'. Let's do a breakdown:

    One of the most difficult aspects of corresponding with people you have not met face-to-face is establishing a personal relationship with them in order to show them that you are not just a letter-writing machine but a real person
    One of the most difficult aspects: this says that there are several difficult aspects, and that this one is at the top of the list. We don't need to keep all these details in our final sentence: readers know that there's not only one difficult aspect, and the fact that it's at the top of the list is not vital. The fact that we talk about it already means it's important.
    corresponding with people you have not met face-to-face: we can do away with that; the context will make it clear that we're talking about people who have not met.
    establishing a personal relationship with them: That's the core of the sentence. I replaced that with "breaking the ice" to save some words.
    in order to show them that you are not just a letter-writing machine but a real person: this is just a way of emphasizing "personal relationship". The person we correspond with certainly know we're not a machine (ask Turing). Consequently, we can discard this part.
    Bottom line is, use precise vocabulary, don't hesitate to prune some secondary information, and rely on context to save words.

    Now, say you still want to start with "Writing to people", as an extra constraint, I would say:
    Writing to people you've not met comprises difficult aspects as making the relationship personal.
    => It's significantly longer, though closer to the original sentence. You be the judge.

    FRC
    so taking the things in mind as you mentioned

    i tried to write short sentences for the given paragraph


    "As requested, I enclose our new catalogue and feel sure that you will find within many items to interest you, particularly our new range of colours that will brighten up your office and keep your staff feeling happy."


    I am sending you our new catalogue. I feel sure you will find within many items to interest you.

    Please guide me is this correct?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    1,369
    Post Thanks / Like
    I would say:
    Please find enclosed our new catalogue, containing new shades we're sure you'll appreciate.

    The thing is that we cannot discard as much information as usual, as it's a commercial writing and you can't talk to a client any old how.

    FRC

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    12,970
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: PLease help me

    Quote Originally Posted by shasha1
    can any one tell me how can i make this paragraph short (writing short sentence techinque)
    can any one give me a tip! thanks

    paragraph is:

    One of the most difficult aspects of corresponding with people you have not met face-to-face is establishing a personal relationship with them in order to show them that you are not just a letter-writing machine but a real person
    What about?

    One of the most difficult aspects of corresponding with people today is establishing a "human" connection: we rarely if ever get the chance to meet face-to-face, to put a face to a name, and to get to know the personality behind the keystrokes. :D

    All the best, :D

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •