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    • Join Date: Sep 2004
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    #1

    Required suggestions to improve .........

    Any suggestions for improvement?

    According to the manufacturer’s manual, Tonsiotren is effective for inflammatory throat and sinusitis. To that extent, it is okay as the ingredients in the product support the claim. But a full-page advertisement in the September 9, 2004 issue of the Dawn Review made five more claims, obviously, to expand the user base. One was about its effectiveness in dwarfism (shortness of height)! The other was about its usefulness in increasing appetite. The claims are the most ludicrous ones I have ever seen for none of the four ingredients in the product has been shown through valid scientific studies to either help dwarfism or affect appetite. Promoting medicines on false indications is not a new phenomenon. But when companies with claims to “strict adherence to good manufacturing practice and ethical marketing policy” fall in line with the most gluttonous elements in the rank and file of manufacturers of homoeopathic medicines, the consumers may well say: it is better to suffer without taking any medicine than to suffer while taking wrong medicine.

  1. Mister Micawber's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
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      • Japan

    • Join Date: Sep 2004
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    #2
    'According to the manufacturer’s brochure, Tonsiotren is effective for inflammatory throat and sinusitis. To that extent, the ingredients in the product support their claim. But a full-page advertisement in the September 9, 2004 issue of the Dawn Review made five more claims, obviously to expand the user base. One was its effectiveness against dwarfism. Another was its usefulness in increasing appetite. These claims are the most ludicrous I have ever read, for none of the product's four ingredients has been shown through valid scientific studies to either help against dwarfism or affect appetite. Promoting medicines with false claims is not a new phenomenon. But when companies who announce “strict adherence to good manufacturing practice and ethical marketing policy” fall in line with the most gluttonous makers of homoeopathic medicine, the consumers may well consider that it is better to suffer without medication rather than do so while taking the wrong medicine.'

    Generally very well done, Abusaad. Remember that the revision process is primarily one of eliminating unnecessary text which would weaken the impact of a statement.

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