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  1. #1
    Nafis.e.m Guest

    Default A Trip to Niagara Falls

    Hello,
    I wrote something about my trip to Niagara fall in Canada. I so appreciate it in advance if you correct it and tell me what kinds of mistakes I have and how it can be improved.

    Regards,


    A trip to Niagara Fall

    Niagara Falls, one of the most powerful falls in the North America, attracts many tourists every year. It is also the capital of honeymooners. This widest fall is located in the Canadian province of Ontario and the U.S state of New York, which is not very far from our location. So, on Victoria holiday, our friends and we decided to go there. We started one and half -hour trip at ten o’clock in the morning. Meteorologists broadcasted cloudy weather with some interrupting showers. The scenery was astounding. On the left and right side of Mississauga-Niagara road was covered by grapes’ farms and trees. Trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms and I saw many wineries. Shortly afterwards, Lake Ontario and Erie intensified the beauty of the road. We were surrounded by deep blue water on the way to Niagara. That was so graceful.
    After one and a half hour, we arrived to the city called “Niagara-on-the-lake”. It is a really nice small city near the Niagara. There were lots of handicrafts, gardening tools, and outfits stores along the street. The street was decorated by red, yellow, purple tulips. The white carriages took the tourists around the city. The weather was so cold that we could not walk along the street. The wind was blowing severely so we went into the stores. We visited a handicraft store which had handicrafts from around the world such as Africa, Asia, Canada, Pakistan and etc. The prices were too high. I saw paintings from First Nations in Canada. Colourful baskets, marble kitchen utensils, jewelleries, African statues were very in nice shapes and colours which I had not seen before. I saw a sun clock in the gardening store.
    We wandered on the major street until twelve and thirty o’clock. We all were very hungry so we decided to go to a Casino that we heard of its fantastic foods. We could see the Niagara fall through the Casino’s huge windows. The Casino was too crowded which was strange in this time of the year. After standing in line, it eventually was our turn to be seated. The buffet Casino restaurant had various delicious foods and desserts including fish, oysters, pizzas, roasted chickens and lambs, stakes with different sauce and etc. A really kind middle-aged waitress brought orange juice, coke and water for us. She constantly collected dirty dishes and asked about what we liked to drink. The interior designs were really nice. The ceramic floors were so shine that I could see my face on it. Many seniors and handicapped came to play. From sixth floor, the waterfall landscape was two times more beautiful. We took some pictures and then, we went around the Casino to see how people play. It was the first time that I had gone to Casino. I had always seen it on the movies. Therefore, it was interesting for me to see the most secured place which had lots of cameras on the ceilings. The ceilings were painted by the waterfall sceneries and angels. I recalled the oil-paintings of the old churches throughout the Europe.
    Next, we went to visit the Niagara. Because of the cold weather, we could not take the cruise. I have learned many interesting facts about Niagara. Niagara has two benefits for Canadian government. In addition to tourist attractions, it provides the electricity and water sources for Ontario province. Many daredevils tried to defeat the waterfall. But nobody could succeed except a sixty-three –year-old female who traveled by just a barrel along Niagara.
    On the evening, we returned to our home and prepared ourselves for the new week. I had a great time and I am happy that I have visited one of the most wonders of the nature.

  2. #2
    oregeezer is offline Member
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    Default re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

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    Default Re: Niagara Falls

    Quote Originally Posted by Nafis.e.m View Post
    A trip to Niagara Fall

    Niagara Falls, one of the most powerful falls in the North America, attracts many tourists every year. It is also the capital of honeymooners. This widest fall is located in the Canadian province of Ontario and the U.S state of New York, which is not very far from our location. So, on Victoria holiday, our friends and we decided to go there. We started one and half -hour trip at ten o’clock in the morning. Meteorologists broadcasted cloudy weather with some interrupting showers. The scenery was astounding. On the left and right side of Mississauga-Niagara road was covered by grapes’ farms and trees. Trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms and I saw many wineries.
    A Trip to Niagara Falls

    Niagara Falls, one of the most powerful falls in North America, attracts many tourists every year. It is a prime destination for honeymooners. The falls are located in the Canadian province of Ontario and the U.S state of New York, not very far from our location. On Victoria holiday, we decided to go there. We started the one and half -hour trip at ten o’clock in the morning. Meteorologists broadcasted cloudy weather with some scattered showers. The scenery on the way was breathtakingly beautiful. On the left and right sides of Mississauga-Niagara the road was surrounded by grape vinyards, farms, and trees. The trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms, and I saw many wineries.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nafis.e.m View Post
    Shortly afterwards, Lake Ontario and Erie intensified the beauty of the road. We were surrounded by deep blue water on the way to Niagara. That was so graceful.
    Words should mean something. "Shortly afterwards" has no meaning in that sentence. "That was so graceful" is also meaningless.

    Where are you from originally?


  4. #4
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    Default Re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

    A few brief comments to help make your excellent essay a tab bit better:

    > A trip to Niagara Fall

    A Trip to Niagara Falls

    > Niagara Falls, one of the most powerful falls in the North America, attracts many tourists every year.

    The word "many" doesn't seem to convey the enormous number of people that visit the falls each year. Perhaps you can think of a more descriptive word.

    > So, on Victoria holiday, our friends and we decided to go there.

    To whom does "we" refer?

    So, on Victoria holiday, my sister, our friends, and I . . .

    > Trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms and I saw many wineries.

    The trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms, and I saw many wineries.

    > After one and a half hour, we arrived to the city called “Niagara-on-the-lake”.

    If writing for an American audience, you would end the sentence as "Niagara-on-the-lake." (Period within the end quote.)

    > There were lots of handicrafts, gardening tools, and outfits stores along the street.

    You don't use contractions in your story, so it has a formal style. Perhaps you should write "a lot" instead of "lots" to keep that style.

    > The street was decorated by red, yellow, purple tulips.

    The steet was decorated with red, yellow, and purple tulips.

    Are you referring to a single street or multiple streets?

    The streets were decorated with red, yellow, and purple tulips.

    > We visited a handicraft store which had handicrafts from around the world such as Africa, Asia, Canada, Pakistan and etc.

    We visited a store that sold handicrafts from around the world: Africa, Asia, Canada, Pakistan, and other areas.

    Since Africa and Asia are continents and Canada and Pakistan are countries, your list loses its parallelism.

    > We wandered on the major street until twelve and thirty o’clock.

    We wandered the main street until twelve-thirty.
    We wandered the main street until early afternoon.
    We wandered the main street until lunch time.
    We wandered the main street until we were hungry.

    > A really kind middle-aged waitress brought orange juice, coke and water for us.

    A kind middle-aged waitress brought us orange juice, Coke, and water.
    (Watch those unneeded adverbs.)

    > On the evening, we returned to our home and prepared ourselves for the new week. I had a great time and I am happy that I have visited one of the most wonders of the nature.

    That evening, we returned home and prepared for the upcoming week. I had a great time, and I am happy that I visited this magnificant wonder of nature.

  5. #5
    Soup's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

    A Trip to Niagara Fall

    Niagara Falls, one of the most powerful falls in North America, [the nounNorth America doesn't take a deterniner] attracts many tourists every year. It is also the honeymooner capital [the capital of honeymooners', note the "genitive" apostrophe. It's more economical to write 'honeymooner capital]. This, the widest-known falls in the world, [widest, a superlative, belongs to the group comparative, so it needs defining, as in 'widest-known...in the world], is located in both the Canadian province of Ontario and in the U.S state of New York, which is not very far from our location [Where are/were you located? You haven't told the reader this. You need to]. So, on the [the holiday is specific] Victoria holiday, we, my family together with my friends [our friends and we is awkward], decided to go to Niagara Falls [there is OK, but restating the topic of your essay is better]. We started our one and half-hour trip at ten o'clock in the morning. Meteorologists broadcasted cloudy weather with some intermitten [interrupting is OK, but for weather, the term is intermitten] showers. The scenery was astounding. On the left and right side of the [specific road] Mississauga-Niagara road, there were winery farms and trees covered with grapevines. [The subject is missing here, On the side of the road ... was covered by grapes' farms and trees. Note also, grapes' farms is incorrect. No need for possessive -'s there. Just grape farms, but that term isn't used; winery is the word, right?] The [you just mentioned the trees, so now you need to use 'the'] trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms. [there is no need to say "I saw many wineries" here as you mentioned this already above.] Shortly after passing the wineries, afterwards is OK, but it refers to time; you want to refer to distance] Lake Ontario and Lake Erie [these are proper names, so it's best not to reduced them] came into view and [you want to express that you saw these lakes] intensified the beauty of the road. We were surrounded by deep blue water on the way to the falls [you wrote, "to Niagra". Is that the city or the town?]. The view was so peaceful [you wrote "that was so graceful", but what does 'that' stand for, the ocean, the trip, the view? Note also, living things are graceful; oceans are not, nor are views or trips].

    After an hour and a half [one and a half hours is OK, but the a more economical phrase is an hour and a half], we arrived at [arrived to (somewhere) is incorrect] the town (click here) called "Niagara-on-the-lake" [Is Niagra-on-the-lake a city or a town?].

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

    At least you didn't ask for free proofreading.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nafis.e.m View Post

    I wrote something about my trip to Niagara Falls in Canada.
    It's not excellent. It's not even good. you started your trip in Canada, but I had to guess that. You didn't say it.

    You should space between paragraphs.

    I still think vineyards is better than wine farms. (I misspelled vineyard the first time I used it.)
    You can't know if you appreciate what somebody has done until after they have done it.

    Read the comments by the posters on this thread, then post the revised essay.

    ~R

  7. #7
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  8. #8
    Soup's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

    Yup, "town" (the same link is provided at the bottom of post #5), but if you Google it, you'll find it listed as a "city".

  9. #9
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

    Quote Originally Posted by Soup View Post
    Yup, "town" (the same link is provided at the bottom of post #5), but if you Google it, you'll find it listed as a "city".
    Oh, that's where I got that from.


  10. #10
    Nafis.e.m is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: A Trip to Niagara Falls

    Thank you so much for correcting my essay. Dear Oregeezer! I am going to study prepositions as you mentioned. This is my corrected essay.



    A trip to Niagara Falls

    Niagara Falls, one of the most powerful falls in North America, attracts thousands of tourists every year. It is also the honeymooner capital. This, the widest-known falls in the world, is located on the border between the Canadian province of Ontario and the U.S state of New York, which is not very far from our location in Mississauga. On the Victoria holiday, we and our friends decided to go to Niagara Falls. We started our one and a half -hour trip at ten o’clock in the morning. Meteorologists predicted cloudy weather with some intermitten showers. The scenery on the way was breathtakingly beautiful. On the left and right side of the Mississauga-Niagara road, there were winery farms and trees covered with grapevines. The trees had beautiful pink and white blossoms. Shortly after passing the wineries, Lake Ontario and Lake Erie came into view and intensified the beauty of the road. We were surrounded by deep blue water on the way to the falls. The view was so peaceful.

    After one and a half hours, we arrived at the town called “Niagara-on-the-Lake.” It is a really nice small town near the Niagara River. There were a lot of handicrafts, gardening tools, and clothing stores along the street. The streets were decorated with red, yellow, purple tulips. White carriages took tourists around the city. The weather was so cold that we could not walk along the street. The wind was blowing severely so we went into the stores. We visited a store that sold handicrafts from places around the world such as Africa, Asia, America, Middle East, etc. The prices were too high. I saw paintings from First Nations in Canada. Colourful baskets, marble kitchen utensils, jewellery, African statues were very in shapes and colours which I had not seen before. I saw a sun clock in the gardening store.

    We wandered the main street until twelve -thirty. We all were very hungry so we decided to go to a Casino that we heard had fantastic foods. We could see Niagara Falls through the Casino’s huge windows. The Casino was too crowded which was strange at this time of the year. After standing in line, it eventually was our turn to be seated. The buffet Casino restaurant had various delicious foods and desserts including fish, oysters, pizzas, roasted chickens and lambs, steaks with different sauces, etc. A kind middle-aged waitress brought orange juice, coke and water for us. She constantly collected dirty dishes and asked about what we would like to drink. The interior design was really nice. The ceramic floors were so shiny that I could see my face in it. Many seniors and handicapped came to play. From the sixth floor, the waterfall landscape was two times more beautiful. We took some pictures and then, we went around the Casino to see how people play. It was the first time that I had gone to a Casino. I had always seen it in the movies. Therefore, it was interesting for me to see the most secured place which had a lot of cameras on the ceilings. The ceilings were painted with waterfall scenery and angels. I recalled the oil-paintings in the old churches throughout Europe.

    Next, we went to visit the falls. Because of the cold weather, we could not take the cruise. I have learned many interesting facts about Niagara. Niagara has two benefits for the Canadian government. In addition to being a tourist attraction, it provides the electricity and water sources for Ontario province.
    Many daredevils tried to defeat the waterfall. But nobody could succeed except a sixty-three –year-old female who traveled with just a barrel over Niagara.

    In the evening, we returned home and prepared for the upcoming week. I had a great time, and I am happy that I visited this magnificent wonder of nature.

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