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  1. #1
    new2grammar's Avatar
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    Default Kindly check my para

    Today, it is a week for the heinous twin murder that took place in the capital of crime New Delhi. Till now no arrest has been made indeed Police is still clueless about the culprit. Sometimes their suspicion points toward deceased girl’s parents and other time towards the maids who had worked at the girl’s house in the past. Police have been grilling girl’s parents and their close relatives for the past one week and according to the senior inspector, investigation is on the track and they will get hold of the culprits very soon. According to the police, the murderer seems professional killer because he slit the girl’s throat with precision, there was a deep 2.5 mm cut in the centre of the throat. Hope police will get hold of culprit soon and bring him to the justice so it can be a lesson for all corrupt minds, which are menace to the society.

    Please rephrase only if its grammatically not correct or there is some problem in th e structure and do explain me where I was wrong because it will help me to learn the language and to master the grammar

    Thanks in advance!!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Kindly check my para

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    Today, it is a week for the heinous twin murder that took place in the capital of crime New Delhi. Till now no arrest has been made indeed Police is still clueless about the culprit. Sometimes their suspicion points toward deceased girl’s parents and other time towards the maids who had worked at the girl’s house in the past. Police have been grilling girl’s parents and their close relatives for the past one week and according to the senior inspector, investigation is on the track and they will get hold of the culprits very soon. According to the police, the murderer seems professional killer because he slit the girl’s throat with precision, there was a deep 2.5 mm cut in the centre of the throat. Hope police will get hold of culprit soon and bring him to the justice so it can be a lesson for all corrupt minds, which are menace to the society.

    Please rephrase only if its grammatically not correct or there is some problem in th e structure and do explain me where I was wrong because it will help me to learn the language and to master the grammar

    Thanks in advance!!
    Hi new 2,
    Can you please clarify if this text concerns the murder of two girls? I ask because of the reference to "twin murder".

  3. #3
    new2grammar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kindly check my para

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    Hi new 2,
    Can you please clarify if this text concerns the murder of two girls? I ask because of the reference to "twin murder".
    it is the murder of a 14-year-old girl and and a domestic help

  4. #4
    bhaisahab's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kindly check my para

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    Today, it is a week for the heinous twin murder that took place in the capital of crime New Delhi. Till now no arrest has been made indeed Police is still clueless about the culprit. Sometimes their suspicion points toward deceased girl’s parents and other time towards the maids who had worked at the girl’s house in the past. Police have been grilling girl’s parents and their close relatives for the past one week and according to the senior inspector, investigation is on the track and they will get hold of the culprits very soon. According to the police, the murderer seems professional killer because he slit the girl’s throat with precision, there was a deep 2.5 mm cut in the centre of the throat. Hope police will get hold of culprit soon and bring him to the justice so it can be a lesson for all corrupt minds, which are menace to the society.

    Please rephrase only if its grammatically not correct or there is some problem in th e structure and do explain me where I was wrong because it will help me to learn the language and to master the grammar

    Thanks in advance!!
    Today, it is a week since the heinous twin murders that took place in the capital of crime New Delhi. Till now no arrest has been made, indeed, The Police are still clueless about the culprit. Sometimes their suspicion points towards the deceased girl’s parents and other times towards the maids who had worked at the girl’s house in the past. Police have been grilling girl’s parents and their close relatives for the past one week and, according to the senior inspector, investigation is on the track and they will get hold of the culprits very soon. According to the police, the murderer seems to be a professional killer because he slit the girl’s throat with precision, there was a deep 2.5 mm cut in the centre of the throat. We hope the police will get hold of the culprit soon and bring him to justice so it can be a lesson for all corrupt minds, which are a menace to the society.

  5. #5
    Barb_D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kindly check my para

    A couple more things thath I noticed:

    Today, it is a week since the heinous twin murders that took place in the capital of crime, New Delhi. Till now no arrest has been made. Indeed, the police are still clueless about the culprit. Sometimes their suspicion points towards the deceased girl’s parents and other times towards the maids who had worked at the girl’s house in the past. Police have been grilling the girl’s parents and their close relatives for the past [one - Delete "one"] week and, according to the senior inspector, the investigation is on [the -- Delete "the" - the expression is "on track"] track and they will get hold of the culprits very soon. According to the police, the murderer seems to be a professional killer because he slit the girl’s throat with precision. There was a deep 2.5 mm cut in the centre of the throat. We hope the police will get hold of the culprit soon and bring him to justice so it can be a lesson for all corrupt minds, which are a menace to the society.

    N2G, paragraphs are lovely things. This would benefit by being made into a few of them, instead of just one. Also, I happened to read up on Till versus Until, and it suggested that Until is more common at the start of the setnence, but there is nothing WRONG with what you have.

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kindly check my para

    Say:
    a menace to society (not the society)
    It's a set phrase.


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