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  1. #1
    Di7bash is offline Newbie
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    Help needed - Urgent

    Hi All,

    I have an essay that is due tomorrow at 11:00 am and I would be extremely grateful if somone can proof read it for me.


    Following is the essay:


    “The most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen” this is how Dr. Watson described Sherlock Holmes. Holmes was dispassionate and cold in his normal life; however, when he is investigating a case, he shows remarkable passion and intelligence. He was always able to observe the smallest details, analyze them, make his own assumptions and deduce accurate conclusions. However, ‘A Scandal in Bohemia’ is unusual in two ways. Firstly, it shows someone defeating Holmes. Secondly, the victor is a woman, and Holmes has previously been somewhat critical of females. “I am not a whole-souled admirer of women kind,” he describes himself. The fact that Irene Adler was able to defeat Holmes using his own tricks, show strong personality and display “unexpected” intelligence is what attracted Holmes to Irene.

    Sherlock Holmes thought he is able to read all criminals’ minds and to predict anybody’s reaction. In “A Scandal in Bohemia,” Irene Adler proved him wrong; she was able to discover his identity and she reacted quickly by leaving the country. The fire is what provoked Irene’s suspicion and she knew that Holmes must have been hired by the king to retrieve the photograph. She also had the confidence to follow him to his home in men’s clothes and talk to him without him being able to recognize her.

    Irene was the only women in the story who had a personality. Her character unfolds throughout the story and she becomes a significant character. Throughout the story, Holmes extremely underestimates Irene’s intellect. He automatically assumes she will lead him directly to the photograph with a simple trick. However, Irene Adler outsmarts Holmes using his own tricks. And yet, had Holmes only followed his own advice, he might have ended in a better position. Earlier in the story, he tells Watson:
    “It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”

    In taking a condescending attitude towards Irene Adler, and in assuming too much about women in general, Holmes was twisting the facts to suit his theories about women--and this is how she outsmarted him.

    Irene Adler not only got Sherlock Holmes admiration by her intelligence, she also caught the king of Bohemia’s admiration; “she had the mind of the most resolute men” the king remarked. She possibly could have been the only person who had the ability to trick Sherlock Holmes.

    In addition to her intelligence, her beauty was a main deal of his attraction to her. He admittedly fell for it. “She was a lovely woman, with a face that a man would die for.” Not only was she attractive for her beauty, she attracted men by another feminine side of hers, her kindness and compassion. Dr. Watson confessed, “...but I know that I never felt more heartily ashamed of myself in my life than when I saw the beautiful creature against whom I was conspiring, or the grace and kindness with which she waited upon the injured man.”

    Amongst her other feminine traits, she was honest and loyal. She gained trustworthiness of the King himself. “I know her word is inviolate. The photograph is now as safe as if it was in the fire.” The king replied to Sherlock Holmes, when the later apologized, “I am sorry that I have not been able to bring your majesty’s business to a more successful conclusion.” This dialogue took place when Sherlock Holmes failed the King. He could not bring back the letters and photographs from her house. In the letter she left with the maid, she promised the King, “I keep it to safeguard myself, and to preserve a weapon which will always secure me from any steps which he might take in the future.”
    She was not as it might have seemed earlier in the story; a femme fatal. “Threatens to send them the photograph. And she will do it. I know that she will do it. You do not know her, but she has a soul of steel. She has the face of the most beautiful woman. And the mind of the most resolute of men. Rather than I should marry another woman, there are mo lengths to which she would not go—none.” She was truly a woman in love. She cared less when she found a true love; “I love and am loved by a better man than he.”

    In conclusion, we can say that Irene’s intelligence combined with her beauty is what attracted Holmes to Irene. However, a question must be asked: is it possible that a person with strong feelings against females suddenly gives up and falls in love with a woman?

    It is really hard for an arrogant person like Holmes to change his mind and love a woman because this contradicts his deep rooted beliefs of the inferiority of women. However, Irene’s intelligence contradicts this theory. This contradiction caused Holmes some strain. On one hand he believes that women are inferior and on the other hand he was outsmarted by one of them.

    It seems that Sherlock Holmes was after all not in love with Irene Adler and that is what Dr. Watson stated by saying “It was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler.” He was basically in love with himself that Irene represented through her intelligence and confidence. It is as if Holmes believes that “only Holmes can beat Holmes.” These feelings are what helped him relieve the strain caused by the contradiction.

    In many ways the story was offensive. There was a demeaning attitude toward women that was displayed by all the male characters. Watson described himself as the “master” or ruler of his own “establishment,” which implies that the members of his family are second-class citizens who are servants not equals. The King of Bohemia’s concern was not that his future wife would know about the affair rather his own image. There are many examples of such behaviours and attitudes towards women in this story which gives the reader a full image of how women were looked at in the late 1800s.

  2. #2
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    Re: Help needed - Urgent

    Firstly, decide whether you are going to use the Historical Present, or Simple Past tense - your tenses change mid-sentence - see green highlight below:


    “The most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen.” This is how Dr. Watson described Sherlock Holmes. Holmes was dispassionate and cold in his everyday life; however, when he is investigating a case, he shows remarkable passion and intelligence. He was always able to observe the smallest details, analyze them, make his own assumptions and deduce accurate conclusions. However, ‘A Scandal in Bohemia’ is unusual in two ways. Firstly, it shows someone outwitting Holmes. Secondly, the adversary is a woman, and Holmes has previously been somewhat critical of females.

    “I am not a whole-souled admirer of women kind,” : be sure to quote accurately!
    “I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind",


    he describes himself. The fact that Irene Adler was able to

    defeat : defeat is too strong a word. What about (since outwitted was used above) 'outsmart' or 'get the better of'

    Holmes using his own tricks,
    show : careful - verb does not show agreement with subject, which is 'fact'


    strong personality and displays “unexpected” intelligence, which is what attracted Holmes to Irene.

    The fact that Irene Adler was able to get the better of Holmes using his own tricks, has such a strong personality and displays “unexpected” intelligence, is what attracted Holmes to her.



    Sherlock Holmes thought he is able : again, mixed tenses

    to read all criminals’ minds and to predict anybody’s reaction.

    to read the mind of any criminal and predict

    Are you jumping from criminals, to people in general? and 'reaction' to what? How can anyone predict a reaction, unless that person knows what the 'action' was that prompted the 'reaction'.Do you mean, predict their actions/behaviour.

    In “A Scandal in Bohemia,” Irene Adler proved him wrong: she was able to discover his identity and she reacted quickly by leaving the country. The fire (is what-omit) provoked Irene’s suspicion and she knew that Holmes must have been hired by the king to retrieve the photograph. She also had the confidence to follow him to his home in men’s clothes and talk to him without his being able to recognize her.

    Irene was the only women in the story who had a personality.
    [COLOR="Green"]We all have personalities, no matter how bland. I think you mean, forceful/spirited etc[ personality./COLOR]

    Her character unfolds throughout the story and she becomes a significant character.
    This needs rewording. A reader's reaction to the first clause is, well of course! - that's what happens in stories. You need to be more explicit as to what you mean. For the second, it is too 'nothing' a statement. You might rephrase it something like, "...and we are taken by surprise that for the first time, a woman becomes so significant a character in..."
    Last edited by David L.; 02-Jun-2008 at 17:11.

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