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  1. #1
    marieuni is offline Junior Member
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    Default proofread before sending (urgently)

    Dear all,

    I am preparing an important and serious letter to a and asking for somebody proofread before sending.


    Mr XXX

    I am pleased my daughter has left from a financial organization which is dishonest and is running by an unprofessional management. If I am shamed to be a Chinese, should be shamed on your poor management.

    Be a parent, could you imagine that your child was constantly bullied at the team as below?

    1. Why Eunice was asked to sign a letter by to agree that she’s resign her position, not terminated as the fact?
    2. Why the the team leader her to leave there in silence? She was shamed into admitting her guilt.
    3. Did you give her sufficient training there during the two months because she is green in the field as aforementioned in her resume?
    4. Did you know her whether treated in unfair circumstances there?
    5. Did you know her whether received enough information from the sender/senior before doing jobs?
    6. Did you know the team members utilized the human resources to cover up their mistakes and insufficient skills?
    7. Did you know she was advised not to tell anybody for the delegation of power point presentation for the Executive Director?
    8. Did you know the team people needed to go home on time for taking care their children and delegated their jobs to her?
    9. Did you know that she did overtime working for the delegations from her senior?
    10. Did you fully consider whether a green staff had enough skills to live with the team people?You gave her a nice dream, but smacked her out from the dream.

    She has been good comments from her former employers. I don’t think she did something wrong or poor communication enough to cause her dismissed.

    Last edited by marieuni; 10-Jun-2008 at 16:47. Reason: urgent

  2. #2
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: proofread before sending (urgently)

    Quote Originally Posted by marieuni View Post
    Dear all,
    Dear Mr XXX,

    I am pleased my daughter Yeung W Y has left a financial organization, which is dishonest and is run by an unprofessional management. If I am ashamed of being a Chinese, M S should be shamed on your poor management.

    As a father, could you imagine if your child would be constantly bullied at the team as below?

    1. Why was Eunice asked to have to sign her resignation prepared by the HR department rather than quited her employ contract according to the fact?
    2. Why did the the team leader let her leave under his connivance? She was ashamed of admitting her guilt.
    3. Did you give her sufficient training there during the two months because she was green in the trade as being stated in her resume?
    4. Did you know her whether treated in unfair circumstances there?
    5. Did you know her supervisors assigned her jobs without enough information?
    6. Did you know the team members utilized the human resources(<--the HR department?) to cover up their mistakes and insufficient skills?
    7. Did you know she was asked not to tell anyone that she did the PowerPoint presentation for the Executive Director?
    8. Did you know the team people transferred their jobs to her in order to work off on time?
    9. Did you know that she had to work overtime in order to finish the jobs assigned by her supervivors?
    10. Did you completely consider whether a new hand had enough skills to work with the other team workers?You gave her a nice dream but kicked her out of the dream.

    She has been well recognized by her former employers. I don’t think she did something wrong or failed to get along well with her co-colleagues so that she was dismissed.

    Best Regards,

    Yours sincerely,

    (Your name)


    Hello Marieuni,

    I am neither a teacher or a native English speaker. I just try my best to touch it up.

    To be frank, I don't think your points are well defensible enough. Here's my two cents.


    • I'd like to suggest you use indisputable factual evidences to illustrate how your daughter was treated unfair rather than words only.
    • It is better to use declarative sentences rather than interrogative sentences. For example, my daughter had to often work overtime as the work-time card recorded.
    • I can't understand why you say "I am ashamed of being a Chinese" in your letter above.
    • You don't mention your intention in the letter. For example, you are demanding an apology or financial compensation.
    • Why don't you let your daughter to write the complaint letter, at least write under her name, since she is an adult?
    • It is not good to denigrate the company your daughter worked for though she has to leave now, especially the letter is for the managing director of its own company.

    I am pleased my daughter Yeung W Y has left a financial organization, which is dishonest and is run by an unprofessional management.
    I don't think you are really glad for that. Obviously, you are angry.

    So, it might be better to collect and have enough evidences stated in your letter before sending it out.

    I hope other forumites or teachers could give you a hand.
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 02-Jun-2008 at 08:14.

  3. #3
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: proofread before sending (urgently)

    Hello Marieuni

    I agree with thedaffodils. Venting your anger and frustration at the company would not serve any purpose or achieve anything. It may even be counter- productive.

    What is the purpose of writing the letter?
    Claim for compensation? Protest against the unfair dismissal and hope that your daughter be reinstated?

    Please let us have more information for us to help.

  4. #4
    marieuni is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: proofread before sending (urgently)

    thanks all,
    I have no idea what kind of the subject, actually it is no subject. I just wanna do something for my child. She is 23 and just guaduated last year! The team people are all Chinese women like me that's why I am shame of. Why she was complained lack of soft skills there? do you think a young lady have enough ability to handle well that soft skills? why the team leader asked my child to take the elevator to down stair in silence? the behavior seemed to tell my child that she's quilty and should be leaving there low profile. why asked her to sign a letter for resignation? that's away from the truth. The MD is an American, has 1 daughter also. I am trying to let him know what's my feelings. If the letter is going to be a protest, how do I present it?
    Last edited by marieuni; 02-Jun-2008 at 11:10.

  5. #5
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    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: proofread before sending (urgently)

    Hi Marieuni,

    You're an affectionate mom! It is understandable that your daughter and you feel frustrated about it. But If there're no sufficient factual evidences to support your arguments, I'm afraid few people would like to listen to it.

    Your daughter is young, yet she is not a baby in the arms any more. She has grown up and has to learn to deal business it on her own. I think what you do is to encourage her to find a new job for herself again and put the unhappiness behind as soon as possible. Don't become embroiled in it. It benefit you nothing, doesn't it?

    Cheer up!

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