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  1. #1
    tzfujimino's Avatar
    tzfujimino is offline Key Member
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    Default Proofread this, please.

    Today, I receiced a private message from one of the members of this forum, asking for help. As I'm not used to this kind of writing, I don't think I can really help him/her.It should be proofread by native speakers, so I decided to start this thread for him/her. The message is as follows :


    Please help me to write an excellent job offer for one of my students .

    To Whom It May Concern:
    The purpose of this letter is to recommend Mr. XXX son of XXX, holder of ID Card No. XXX, for employment as a Computer Specialist or related position in Computer Department. He is planning to pursue a career in the field of computer now. This offer is contingent upon his successful education from American Universities, our receipt of his grades, and any other contingencies he may wish to state.
    With consideration to the need of this institute in the field of computer, we trust that his knowledge, skills and experience will be among our most valuable assets. He proved his talents in our English Department since 13 August, 2007 when he had started from basic level of English classes. He continued our ESL programs and had finished in 9 March, 2008.
    I look forward to his arrival at our Institute and am confident that he will play a key role in our.

    Best Regards,
    XXX
    Dean of XXX Vocational Institution
    Tel.:XXX
    Fax:XXX
    E-mail:XXX
    Website:XXX
    Address: XXX



    Thanks


    When I've got the response, I'll let him/her know about it.
    Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Proofread this, please.

    Quote Originally Posted by tzfujimino View Post
    Today, I receiced a private message from one of the members of this forum, asking for help. As I'm not used to this kind of writing, I don't think I can really help him/her.It should be proofread by native speakers, so I decided to start this thread for him/her. The message is as follows :


    Please help me to write an excellent job offer for one of my students .

    To Whom It May Concern:
    The purpose of this letter is to recommend Mr. XXX, son of XXX [is this really necessary to say?] holder of ID Card No. XXX, for employment as a Computer Specialist or related position in the Computer Department. He is planning to pursue a career in the field of computer studies. This offer is contingent upon his successful education from American Universities,graduation from an American university, our receipt of his grades, and any other contingencies he may wish to state.

    With consideration to the need of this institute in the field of computer studies, we trust that his knowledge, skills and experience will be among our most valuable assets. He proved his talents in our English Department from 13 August, 2007 when he started studying English at a basic level. He continued our ESL programs and successfully completed in 9 March, 2008.

    I look forward to his arrival at our Institute and am confident that he will play a key role in our work.


    XXX
    Dean of XXX Vocational Institution
    Tel.:XXX
    Fax:XXX
    E-mail:XXX
    Website:XXX
    Address: XXX



    Thanks


    When I've got the response, I'll let him/her know about it.
    Thank you in advance.
    Without any context, I take it that this Institute is running courses in Computing and/or Computer Studies.

    I am also puzzled as to why this is not addressed specifically to an individual.

  3. #3
    tzfujimino's Avatar
    tzfujimino is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Proofread this, please.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    Without any context, I take it that this Institute is running courses in Computing and/or Computer Studies.

    I am also puzzled as to why this is not addressed specifically to an individual.
    Thank you ever so much, Anglika!

    Yes...I suppose there's something like..."internal recruiting."
    The addressee is in the same Institute as the addresser...in this case....?

    Now I'll let him/her know about this thread.

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