Results 1 to 5 of 5

    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 210
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Help: Few lines for editing

    Hello

    Could you please check this if it needs any editing?

    Regards
    Mar


    Male children received physical punishment more than girls by parents at home, relatives, adults in the neighborhood, other children in the neighborhood or at school, and school teachers and administrators.
    Females were abused both verbally and non-verbally by their parents, brothers, teachers, administrators and other children at home more than males.
    Male children were physically abused by parents, adults in the neighborhood, and teachers a school more than girls. Girls however were subject to more physical abuse than their brothers at home or by other children in the neighborhood or at school more than males.

    Abuse was repeated almost on a daily basis against about a third of the children by their peers at schools, a quarter of children by other children at home, and one child out of eight by peer children in the neighborhood.
    Last edited by Mohammed Abu Risha; 08-Jun-2008 at 11:07.


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 812
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Help: Few lines for editing

    Quote Originally Posted by Mohammed Abu Risha View Post
    Hello

    Could you please check this if it needs any editing?

    Regards
    Mar


    Male children received physical punishment more than girls by parents at home, relatives, adults in the neighborhood, other children in the neighborhood or at school, and school teachers and administrators.
    Females were abused both verbally and non-verbally by their parents, brothers, teachers, administrators and other children at home more than males.
    Male children were physically abused by parents, adults in the neighborhood, and teachers a school more than girls. Girls however were subject to more physical abuse than their brothers at home or by other children in the neighborhood or at school more than males.

    Abuse was repeated almost on a daily basis against about a third of the children by their peers at schools, a quarter of children by other children at home, and one child out of eight by peer children in the neighborhood.

    You have stated that "males received more physical punishement from children in the neighbourhood" - then you have subsequently stated that "girls were subject to more physical abuse than their brothers from children in the neighbourhood".

    Is this correct?

    Is physical punishment different to physical abuse?


    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 210
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: Help: Few lines for editing

    Yes they are different.


    Physical punishment is waht an adult does for a child when the latter does something wrong.

    Physical abuse is more than punishment as it includes violence agains children even if they did not commit any mistake.


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 812
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #4

    Re: Help: Few lines for editing

    Quote Originally Posted by Mohammed Abu Risha View Post
    Hello

    Could you please check this if it needs any editing?

    Regards
    Mar


    Male children received more physical punishment than girls from their family members, adults, other children in the neighborhood or at school, and also from school teachers and administrators.
    Females were abused both verbally and non-verbally to a greater degree than the males by their family, other children, teachers and administrators.
    Male children received more physical abuse than the girls from their parents, adults in the neighborhood, and teachers at school. However, compared to the males, girls were subject to more physical abuse at home or by other children in the neighborhood or at school.

    Abuse was repeated almost on a daily basis against about a third of the children by their peers at schools, a quarter of children by other children at home, and one child out of eight by peer children in the neighborhood.
    I'm not a teacher and it's quite difficult to organise this text coherently, but I've given it a shot. I'm sure someone else could rewrite it better than I have, but for now, I think this is an improvment.

    Paul.


    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 210
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #5

    Re: Help: Few lines for editing

    Thank you Paul

    In fact this is a translation of a disorganised text. That is why.

Similar Threads

  1. Please check these few lines
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-Dec-2007, 06:29
  2. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-Dec-2007, 12:22
  3. blur the lines
    By Wookie in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-Oct-2007, 09:23
  4. inbounds lines
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 09-Dec-2006, 16:42
  5. all lines or all the lines
    By ripley in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 19-Dec-2004, 12:23

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •