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  1. #1
    sara88 is offline Member
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    Default Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    Hi dear friends


    I'm doing some self study about English. I have just completed a course about how to write a paragraph in academic writing. This requires to follow some useful steps such as brainstorming, planning, writing a rough draft then finally write a final draft.
    I followed all those steps and here's my essay. Please feel free to post critical comments.


    What to take as pictures?!

    Camera can be one of best tools to take and show either pictures of happy moments or sad ones. We all admire watching natural beautiful scenes. The first impression we get from them can't be described in words. Therefore, it might be a good idea to have your own camera in order to take pictures of scenes which you find yourself inspired by. For instance, you can take pictures of nice landscapes such as a beautiful sunrise, a water fall, a green area and colorful flowers. As you can benefit from your camera while traveling and exploring a new country; there you will have various opportunities of what to picture. It can be ranged from historical places to people's traditions and their unique celebrations.
    In the other hand, your camera can be one of the most challenging tools in showing to the worldwide a hidden fact or certain people's sufferings and then let the viewers themselves judge. However, this is a tough job as it can sometimes make an end to your freedom either by being jailed or being killed or by other means. This was the case of many war photographers such as the Sudanian Samy El-Haj who had paid the price of photographing the acts of the American troops in Afghanistan. He has lost 6 years of his life by being jailed and tortured in Guantanamo bay. However, in war times or in some places around the globe where there exist injustice and racism against a group of people, there's no a best way to introduce to the world their case such as taking pictures of their daily reality and sufferings. In such cases and as well as others we can really come to believe the fact that a picture worth thousands of words.

  2. #2
    sara88 is offline Member
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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    No one have posted any comment so far!!!!
    Could you please comment on my writing? I'm not asking for datailed correction; word by word, Just give me an overall. What do you think about my level? where should I focus more and so on?
    Thanks again!
    Looking forward to read from you guys!

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    Quote Originally Posted by sara88 View Post

    What to take as pictures?!

    The camera can be one of best tools to use to show either pictures of happy moments or sad ones. We all admire watching natural beautiful scenes. The first impression we get from them can't be described in words. Therefore, it might be a good idea to have your own camera in order to take pictures of scenes which you find yourself inspired by. For instance, you can take pictures of nice landscapes such as a beautiful sunrise, a water fall, a green area or colorful flowers.
    Would you say a camera can be a congenial companion?

  4. #4
    sara88 is offline Member
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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    Thanks Ron for posting your comment!
    I think we can say Camera can be a congenial compagnion unless this adjectif is only used with humans.
    Would you like please to tell me in general what do you think about my writing level?!

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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    Your structure is good but a little predictable which might cause the reader to lose interest. Try and set an interesting scene in the mind of the reader and let them discover for themselves, what they might like about a camera.

    "Camera can be one of best tools to take and show either pictures of happy moments or sad ones."

    A camera is the only tool, is it not ?

    Try and make the camera more magical using poetic words rather than 'it can show sadness', 'it can show beauty','it can show hate'

    'Show' and 'take' are verbs used when shopping, while 'capture', 'reveal', 'expose' are much stronger.

    Captures a moment in history.
    Captures a slice of time.
    Captures the raw emotion.
    Captures the scent of a flower.
    Captures the solemness of the occasion.
    Reveals the hidden beauty.
    Exposes our inner fears.
    Exposes the injustices.
    Strips away the veneer.
    Lays bare.
    Bares the soul.


    "Sudanian Samy El-Haj who had paid the price of photographing the acts of the American troops in Afghanistan."

    Why sully your poetic piece with politics ? ;) Presumably the American troops were engaged in combat with other troops, therefore it would be better to say;

    "Sudanian Samy El-Haj who paid the price while on assignment in Afghanistan"



    "we can really come to believe the fact that a picture worth thousands of words"

    Well I would say that it is a metaphor not a fact. A metaphor allows the reader to make the connection in their own mind. It's open to interpretation.

    "we can come to the conclusion, that indeed a picture is worth a thousand words"


    Just ideas, my grammar and spelling suck, metaphorically speaking of course :)

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    sara88:

    For a dedicated photographer a camera is often a constant companion. (Perhaps you would prefer constant to congenial.) It is true that companion is not usually applied to inanimate objects, but a dedicated photographer sees his/her camera much the same way a musician sees a favorite musical instrument--almost as a friend.

    A couple more possibilities. A camera can:
    capture an image
    capture a fleeting moment in time
    tell a story
    The grammar problems are distracting. You will have to work on that. You seem to especially have a problem with irregular verbs.

    Keep writing. I want to see more.


  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    Quote Originally Posted by sara88 View Post
    As you can benefit from your camera while traveling and exploring a new country; there you will have various opportunities of what to picture. It can be ranged from historical places to people's traditions and their unique celebrations.
    Delete that.

    Quote Originally Posted by sara88 View Post
    In the other hand, your camera can be one of the most challenging tools in showing to the worldwide a hidden fact or certain people's sufferings and then let the viewers themselves judge.
    Do you really want to say "one of the most challenging tools"? (The rest isn't good either.) Delete that.

    Quote Originally Posted by sara88 View Post
    However, this is a tough job as it can sometimes make an end to your freedom either by being jailed or being killed or by other means.
    That is a mess. Delete it.

    Start over.
    Last edited by RonBee; 17-Jun-2008 at 22:41.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Photography: What to take as pictures?!

    You have to decide what your subject is and then stick to that subject. For example, is your subject the art of photography or photojournalism?


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