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    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 14
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    #1

    Please correct my letter

    Hello, I have some questions concerning this letter. Especially the sentences in bold type. I hope you can give me better suggestions.

    Dear Mr V.

    Your enquiry for watersports equipment

    Many thanks for your above letter in which you show your interest in our products.

    Unfortunately, we must advise you that the paddles which you enquired about are no longer available since they were part of our 2004 catalogue.

    However, we now have a new improved range of paddles on the market due to new developments concerning the material, design and weight.

    The Cursoe paddles are particularly popular by children. There is a heavy demand for these products. The Crusoe Winner paddle for example is suitable for young people. It is easy handling and can be used for touring, canoeing and kayking. It has a fibreglass paddle blade is robust but still very light. The Crusoe Champ paddle is similar to the Crusoe Winner but it is suitable for younger children. It has a smaller fibreglass paddle blade.

    Both paddles are a product of excellent quality but are still favourable.

    For your information, we are sending you our latest catalogue containing our current price list terms of payment and delivery by seperate post.

    Deliveries can be made from stock, subject to availability.

    For further information please visit our webside on the internet at www.wasserwet.com.

    We look forward to doing business with you.

    Yours sincerely


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 80
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    #2

    Re: Please correct my letter

    Hello, I have some questions concerning this letter. Especially the sentences in bold type. I hope you can give me better suggestions.

    Dear Mr V.

    Your enquiry for watersports equipment

    Thank you for your interest in our products.

    We regret that the particular paddles in which you were interested are no longer available, as they were part of our 2004 catalogue. However, we now carry a new range of paddles--The Crusoes--which reflect recent improvements in material, design and weight.

    The Crusoe paddles are heavily in demand and especially popular with children. The Crusoe Winner, for example, is easy to handle and can be used for touring, canoeing and kayaking. It has a fibreglass paddle blade and is strong (or: sturdy) but still very light-weight. The Crusoe Champ is similar to the Crusoe Winner but it is suitable for younger children. It has a smaller fibreglass paddle blade.

    Both paddles are of excellent quality but are still favourable. (What do you mean by 'favorable'? 'Affordable'/'reasonably priced'?)

    For your information, we are sending you (by separate post) our latest catalogue with our current price list, terms of payment and delivery. Deliveries can be made from stock, subject to availability.

    For further information, please visit our website at www.wasserwet.com.

    Again, thank you for your interest in our products. We look forward to doing business with you.

    Yours sincerely


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 80
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    #3

    Re: Please correct my letter

    Correction:

    Change a new range of paddles to a new line of paddles.


    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 14
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    #4

    Re: Please correct my letter

    Thanks for your correction.
    With "favourable" I meant reasonably priced. What else could I use to express that?
    - low priced?
    -advantageous?
    or is reasonably priced the best solution in business letters?

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