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  1. #1
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    Default The Person I Admire

    please help me edit my grammar, thanks

    The person I admire

    Movie stars and singers, who make a lot of money and are famous, are teenager’s admiration. However, they don’t even know the person or their personality. To me admiration is a kind of respect. But there aren’t a lot of people in this world who have that kind of respect from me. My mother is the only person who had entered my life and made me look at things differently.

    The first reason that I admire my mother is she teaches me about experience. Experience is what you learn as you go through your life. As a child, you always learned that people really nice and generous. That is not true. As you step into the real world, you will see the person’s real face and all difference schemes, plan to make them success. This had happened to me when I was in sixth grade. When my class has a test and my friend does not know the answer , she asked me what the answer is and I told her what the answer is but when I have a problem and I asked her, she’s never answer me. Instead she said she doesn’t know or she hasn’t got there yet. I was really upset and unhappy but as I have learned this from my mother, I understand why my friend did that and I let it go easier.

    Take care for her children first before she can take care of her is the second reason why I admire my mother. Take care of a person is not easy, and take care of you as the same time is even harder. My mother always takes care of me first before she can take care of herself. For example, after a long day of work, she was really tired that she can just go home and has a nap. Instead, she made diner for our family, washed our cloth and took a short time to look at my homework and listened to me complaining about the school, the teacher. And then she gets my bag pack ready for the next day before she can even go to take a shower. Nobody had ever done this for me and there will be no one who would do the same thing like my mother beside her.

    In conclusion, I admire my mother because she teaches me about life experience and she takes care of me before she can take care of her. My mother works so hard for our family and for my best. When I grow up I will take care of her as the way she did to me right now.

  2. #2
    English-coach's Avatar
    English-coach is offline Member
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    Default re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    please help me edit my grammar, thanks

    The person I admire

    Movie stars and singers, who make a lot of money and are famous, are admired by teenagers. However, they don’t even know the person or their personality. To me admiration is a kind of respect. But there aren’t a lot of people in this world who demand this sort of respect from me. My mother is the only person who has entered my life and made me look at things differently.

    The first reason why I admire my mother is because she teaches me about experience. Experience is what you learn as you go through your life. As a child, you always learn that people are really nice and generous. That is not true. As you step into the real world, you will see the a person’s real face and all difference schemes, plan to make them success.[I don't understand what you are trying to say here] This happened to me when I was in sixth grade. When my class had a test and my friend did not know the answer , she asked me what the answer was and I told her what the answer was but when I had a problem and I asked her, she never answered me. Instead she said she didn't know or she that she hadn't got there yet. I was really upset and unhappy but as I have from my mother, I understand why my friend did that and I let it go more easily.


    She took care of her children first before she took care of herself is the second reason why I admire my mother. Taking care of a person is not easy, and taking care of yourself at the same time is even harder. My mother always takes care of me first before she takes care of herself. For example, after a long day of work, she is so tired that she just wanted to go home and have a nap but instead she made dinner for our family, washes our clothes and takes a short time to look at my homework and listens to me complaining about the school, the teacher. Then she gets my bag pack ready for the next day before she can even go take a shower. Nobody has ever done this for me and there will be no one who would do the same thing besides her.

    In conclusion, I admire my mother because she teaches me about life experience and she takes care of me before she takes care of her. My mother works so hard for our family and to do the best for me. When I grow up I will take care of her the same way she takes care of me right now.
    Hello,

    My name is Diana Tower and I have been an English teacher for the past 2 and a half years. I am Canadian but I am currently living and working in Spain. (Just so you know a little about me and who is correcting your essay).

    In general your essay is well organized, has a good voice or style and has a good flow. You want to make sure that you are using your tenses correctly as you go through your text. Make sure that you use the simple past for things that happened in the past and that are not occuring now. If things happen in general (like your mom making you dinner every night and helping you before she does something for herself) then you want to just put that in the present. (To make it general).

    For example, I eat toast every morning (its habitual..present)
    I ate toast yesturday (happened yesturday and is finished...simple past).

    I hope that helps you. If you need anyother help don't hestitate to ask.

    Happy learning!
    Diana Tower
    LEARN ENGLISH BY USING IT: PROVIDING ANSWERS & MOTIVATION EVERY STEP OF THE WAY
    Last edited by English-coach; 25-Jan-2009 at 12:46.

  3. #3
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default re: The Person I Admire

    I am not a teacher but I have some comments/questions.

    But there arenít a lot of people in this world who demand this sort of respect from me. - Would 'deserve' be a more appropriate word?


    The first reason why I admire my mother is because she teaches me about experience.
    Many years ago, I have been told by my teacher in school not to say - the reason why .....is because, but to say ' the reason ......is. 'Why' and 'because' are deemed redundant when you talk about 'reason'. Would the sentence above sound better like this -
    The first reason I admire my mother is that she teaches me about experience.


    My mother works so hard for our family and to do the best for me.
    My mother works very hard for our family and gives/does her best for me.

  4. #4
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    Default re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by tedtmc View Post
    The first reason I admire my mother is that she teaches me about experience.


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    Default re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    please help me edit my grammar, thanks

    The Person I Admire

    Movie stars and singers, some of whom make a lot of money and are famous, are admired by teenagers. However, they admire those people without really knowing much about them.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    But there arenít a lot of people in this world who have earned that kind of respect from me. My mother is the only person in my life who has inspired me to look at things differently.

    The main reason that I admire my mother is she teaches me about experience. Experience is what you learn as you go through life. As a child, you learn that people are really nice and generous. That is not always true.
    Say:
    washed our clothes

  7. #7
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    Default Re: The Person I Admire

    thanks you all for helping me with my essay

  8. #8
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    Default Re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    As you step into the real world, you will see the personís real face and all difference schemes, plan to make them success.

    Please rewrite that so that it makes sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    This had happened to me when I was in sixth grade. When my class has a test and my friend does not know the answer , she asked me what the answer is and I told her what the answer is but when I have a problem and I asked her, sheís never answer me. Instead she said she doesnít know or she hasnít got there yet. I was really upset and unhappy but as I have learned this from my mother, I understand why my friend did that and I let it go easier.

    This had happened to me when I was in the sixth grade. When my class had a test and my friend didn't know the answer, she asked me what the answer was and I told her. But when I had a problem and I asked her the answer, she didn't tell me the answer. Instead, she said she didn't know or she hadn't gotten there yet. I was really upset and unhappy, but I learned from my mother why my friend did that.
    I really don't understand let it go easier. Please explain.


    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    Take care for her children first before she can take care of her is the second reason why I admire my mother.
    The second reason I admire my mother is that she takes care of her children before she takes care of herself.
    That's the way mothers are.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    thanks you all for helping me with my essay
    Say:
    Thanks to all of you for helping me with my essay.

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    Default Re: The Person I Admire

    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    My mother always takes care of me first before she can take care of herself. For example, after a long day of work, she was really tired that she can just go home and has a nap. Instead, she made diner for our family, washed our cloth and took a short time to look at my homework and listened to me complaining about the school, the teacher. And then she gets my bag pack ready for the next day before she can even go to take a shower.

    My mother always takes care of me before she takes care of herself. For example, after a long day of work she was really tired and just wanted to go home and take a nap. Instead, she made dinner for her family, washed our clothes, took the time to look at my homework and listened to me complain about school. And then she got my backpack ready for the next day before she took a shower.
    Quote Originally Posted by nguoibanthan_ph View Post
    In conclusion, I admire my mother because she teaches me about life experience and she takes care of me before she can take care of her. My mother works so hard for our family and for my best. When I grow up I will take care of her as the way she did to me right now.
    In conclusion, I admire my mother because she teaches me about life, and she takes care of me before she takes care of herself. She works hard for her family. When I grow up I will take care of her the way she takes care of me now.
    I would like you to rewrite the essay and post the revised essay here.

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