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  1. #1
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    Default Pls drop comments and score for the essay.

    Topics: Are computers an essential feature of modern education? What subjects can be better taught using computers? Are there aspects of a good education that cannot be taught using computers?

    Essays:
    There is no doubt that computers play an important role in our education. It safes our time on calculating most complicated figures, it enables us to explore the world that through the connection of the internet, it enriches our knowledges on many aspects in terms of modern education.

    Animation film design is one of the most important contributions for using computers. Students in this area cannot escape without using computers. With the amazing computer designed in connection with students’ creativities, makes the animation subjects become most popular nowadays. Imagine that many best animation movies, such as Snakers, the king of lion and Kungfu Panda were made to entertain us and make us fun.

    Another subject need to be taught by using computers is information technology (or called IT). This subject needs the use of computers to sort out thousands and thousands information and data, in order to set up a data base for student to further developed. Traditionally, we need to have a huge space for storing the data, which means more cost and time would be involved. Now, we can make use of computers to store as much as information we need and save it into a tiny computer hard-disk.

    To conclude, computers as the aids that help us to finish our work easily. Every subjects seem more or less would need the use of computers to facilitate or coordinate for today’s modern education.

  2. #2
    English-coach's Avatar
    English-coach is offline Member
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      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
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      • Spain
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    Thumbs up Re: Pls drop comments and score for the essay.

    Quote Originally Posted by skymoon View Post
    Topics: Are computers an essential feature of modern education? What subjects can be better taught using computers? Are there aspects of a good education that cannot be taught using computers?

    Essays:
    There is no doubt that computers play an important role in our education. It saves us time calculating the most complicated figures, enables us to explore the world via an internet connection, and enriches our knowledge on many aspects in terms of modern education.

    Animation film design is one of the most important contributors for using computers. Students in this area cannot get by without using a computer. Combining a students creativity with the amazing design capabilities of the computer, makes animation subjects become very popular nowadays. Think about all the best animation movies, such as Snakers???, The Lion King and Kungfu Panda were made to entertain us and for our enjoyment.

    Another subject need to be taught by using computers is information technology (or IT). This subject needs the use of computers to sort through thousands of pieces of information and data, in order to set up a data base for students to further developed. Traditionally, we needed to have a huge space for storing data, which ment involving higher costs and more time. Now, we can use computers to store as much information as we need and save it in a tiny computer hard-disk.

    In conclusion, computers are tools that help us finish our work more easily. It would seem that almost every subject needs the use of computers to facilitate today’s modern education.

    Hello,

    My name is Diana Tower and I have been teaching English for the past two years in Spain. I am Canadian and I studied my BA of English in Calgary. (Just so you know a little about me).

    You can see that I made some corrections to your essay above. You write well, and can express your ideas with a nice flow and style, but you need to try and fatten up or fill in some holes. You sometimes introduce an idea but then you don't speak about it as fully as you could. This is not a major problem and can easily be corrected.

    My suggestion would be to watch out for your tenses...keep things in the same tense. (Don't jump from past to present etc).

    Other than that, you use really great expressions to get your ideas across. Well done.

    I am not sure what grade I would give you, it depends on what grading system your are working with. But I would say that you have an mid-high intermediate level of writing. Keep up the good work.

    I hope that helps you.
    Have a great day!

    Diana Tower
    http://www.helping-you-learn-english.com
    Last edited by English-coach; 25-Jan-2009 at 12:49.

  3. #3
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Pls drop comments and score for the essay.

    There is no doubt that computers play(the computer plays, since 'it' is used next) an important role in our education. It saves us time calculating the most complicated figures, enables us to explore the world via an internet connection, and enriches our knowledge on(in) many aspects in terms(omit) of modern education.

    Animation film(Film animation?) design is one of the most important contributors(contributions) for using(in the use of) computers. Students in this area cannot get by without using a computer. Combining a(the) student's creativity with the amazing design capabilities of the computer, makes animation subjects become very popular (animation becomes a popular subject)nowadays. Think about all the best animation movies, such as Snakers???, The Lion King and Kungfu Panda were made to entertain us and for our enjoyment.(redundant, omit)
    Another subject need(that needs) to be taught by using computers is information technology (or IT). This subject needs the use of computers to sort through(omit) thousands of pieces of information and data, in order to set up a data base for students to further developed (to work on). Traditionally, we needed to have a huge space for storing data, which ment involving(incurred) higher costs and more(longer) time. Now, we can use computers to store as much information as we need and save it in a tiny computer hard-disk.

    In conclusion, computers are (useful) tools that help us finish our work (faster and) more easily. It would seem that almost every subject needs the use of computers to facilitate today’s modern education. (facilitate the teaching?)

    not a teacher

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