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  1. #1
    jctgf is offline Key Member
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    Default please correct my text

    hi,
    I have here two versions of a composition and I'd like to know your opinion about them.

    version 1:
    I would be for the death penalty since that the justice system was able to say with 100% of certainty that the subject is guilty.
    However, who collects the forensic evidences, who analyses it, who judges it and who pronounces the verdict are human beings. Therefore, inevitably there will be mistakes and errors during the process, what could cause the conviction and death of an innocent.
    It has already been proved that, in countries like the USA and Japan, where the death penalty is used, innocent people has been convicted to death several times. It demonstrates the failure of this sort of punishment, mainly due the fact that it is irreversible.
    Because of the reasons previously exposed, I believe that the best solution for serious crimes like murder, rape and child abuse would be life penalty with no parole. This way, society would stay away from this kind of criminal, meanwhile they would have enough time to gather evidences and prove their innocence, in case of an unfair trial.
    By knowing a little about the reality inside the prisons and penitentiaries around the world, I don't think that a person who has committed a brutal crime would regret their mistakes or become a better person. I also donít think they would ever be able to live in a normal society. That's why I consider very important that parole is never granted for people who commit hideous crimes.


    version 2:

    I would be for the death penalty if the justice system is able to say with 100% of certainty that the subject is guilty.
    However, who collects the forensic evidences, who analyses it, who judges it and who announces the verdict are human beings. Therefore, there will be inevitably mistakes and errors during the process, what could cause the conviction and death of an innocent person.
    It has already been proved that, in countries like the USA and Japan, where the death penalty is used, innocent people have been convicted to death several times, that demonstrates the failure of this sort of punishment, mainly given the fact that it is irreversible.
    Because of the reasons previously mentioned, I believe that the best solution for serious crimes like murder, rape and child abuse would be life penalty with no parole. This way, society would stay away from these kinds of criminal meanwhile this would give them enough time to prove their innocence, in case of an unfair trial.
    By knowing a little about the reality inside prisons and penitentiaries around the world, I don't think that a person who has committed a brutal crime would confess and regret their mistakes, and become a better person, after returning to live in a normal society. That's why I consider the nonexistent possibility of parole for the kind of crimes previously stated.


    Thanks a lot.

  2. #2
    English-coach's Avatar
    English-coach is offline Member
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    Thumbs up Re: please correct my text

    Quote Originally Posted by jctgf View Post
    hi,
    I have here two versions of a composition and I'd like to know your opinion about them.

    version 1:
    I would be for the death penalty if the justice system were able to say with 100% of certainty that the subject was guilty.
    However, when we look at who collects the forensic evidence, analyses it, judges it and who pronounces the verdict we see that these tasks are all performed by human beings. Therefore, inevitably there will be mistakes and errors made during the process, which could cause the conviction and death of an innocent person.
    It has been proven that, in countries like the USA and Japan, where the death penalty is used, innocent people have been sentenced to death several times. This demonstrates the failure of this sort of punishment, mainly due to the fact that it is irreversible.
    Due to the aformentioned reasons, I believe that the best solution for serious crimes such as murder, rape and child abuse, would be a life sentence with no chance of parole. This way, society would avoid this kind of criminal (do you mean person or action...criminal is person crime is action), meanwhile allowing enough time to gather evidence and proving their innocence, in case of an unfair trial.
    Knowing a little about the reality inside the prisons and penitentiaries around the world, I don't think that a person who has committed a brutal crime would regret their mistakes or become a better person after serving their sentence. I also don’t think they would ever be able to live in normal society. That's why I believe removing the chance of parole for people who commit hideous crimes is essencial.


    version 2:
    I would be for the death penalty if the justice system were able to say with 100% certainty that the subject was guilty.
    However, looking at who collects the forensic evidences, analyses it, judges it and who announces the verdict we see that all these actions are done by human beings. Therefore, there will be inevitably be mistakes and errors during the process, which could cause the conviction and death of an innocent person.
    It has been proved, in countries like the USA and Japan, where the death penalty is used, that innocent people have been sentenced to death several times, which demonstrates the failure of this sort of punishment, mainly due to the fact that it is irreversible.
    In light of the reasons previously mentioned, I believe that the best solution for serious crimes like murder, rape and child abuse would be a life penalty with no chance of parole. This way, society would avoid these kinds of criminals meanwhile allowing enough time to prove their innocence, in the case of an unfair trial.
    Knowing a little about the reality inside prisons and penitentiaries around the world, I don't think that a person who has committed a brutal crime would confess and regret their mistakes, and become a better person, after returning to live in normal society. That's why I believe, for the kind of crimes previously stated, that the offender should not be given a chance of parole.


    Thanks a lot.

    Hello,

    First of all I want to say that you write very well. You have your own personal voice and style when writing which is wonderful and easy to read. Your structure and expression use is also very good.

    As you can see from above I did make some changes. There are also some words that I omitted so compare your original with the edited one.

    I hope that helps you.
    Have a great day!

    Diana Tower
    http://www.helping-you-learn-english.com
    Last edited by English-coach; 25-Jan-2009 at 12:56.

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