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  1. #1
    musicgold is offline Senior Member
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    Default two paras for review

    Hi,
    Can you please review the following text for grammatical and punctuation errors? Thanks. MG.

    Having stayed later than mid-night at the party, I was walking hurriedly towards my home about two miles down. To reach home faster, I decided to take a shorter route through an industrial part of the town. Too late for anybody to hang around in that area, the road was empty except an occasional car passing by. As it had rained recently, air was still moist and the road was wet. With a slight chill in the air, I was holding my hands behind my back and trying to trade water-filled holes on the footpath, difficult to cite in shadows and the pale mixture of moonlight and lights from street poles. As I was approaching dark allies intersecting the road, my steps were getting faster with head held straight, reluctant to peek in the dark alley.

    At the bifurcation where the main road goes onto the bridge over the river, I took the other road that goes under the bridge and then south along the river. My house was about a mile from here. that. This road neither had street lights nor an occasional car. I was debating over going back another three and half miles and facing the question market on dadís face, and taking my chances on the isolated road. I started running along the wet road, lined by uneven shrubs, reminding me of all possible deadly creatures.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: two paras for review

    Quote Originally Posted by musicgold View Post
    Having stayed later than midnight at the party, I was walking hurriedly towards my home about two miles away. To reach home faster, I decided to take a shortcut through an industrial part of the town.

    Quote Originally Posted by musicgold View Post
    Too late for anybody to hang around in that area, the road was empty except an occasional car passing by.

    Say:
    The road was empty except an occasional car passing by.

    Quote Originally Posted by musicgold View Post
    As it had rained recently, air was still () moist and the road was wet.

    Moist air is an interesting concept.


    Quote Originally Posted by musicgold View Post
    With a slight chill in the air, I was holding my hands behind my back and trying to trade water-filled holes on the footpath, difficult to cite in shadows and the pale mixture of moonlight and lights from street poles.

    Perhaps:
    There was a slight chill in the air as I tried to avoid the puddles but nevertheless stepped in one every little bit.


    Quote Originally Posted by musicgold View Post
    As I was approaching dark allies intersecting the road, my steps were getting faster with head held straight, reluctant to peek in the dark alley.

    Was your head reluctant to peek into the dark alley?


    When you came to the fork in the road did you go left or right?



  3. #3
    musicgold is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: two paras for review

    Ronbee:
    Was your head reluctant to peek into the dark alley?
    I wanted to convey that I was avoiding looking in to those allies. What do you thinkg of the following sentence?

    As I was approaching dark allies intersecting the road, my steps were getting faster;I as trying to keep my head straight, reluctant to peek in the dark alley.

    Thanks.

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: two paras for review

    Well, you can only approach one alley at a time. Perhaps:
    The night seemed to get darker, and as I approached an alley I found myself walking faster. I tried not to look down the alley because I was afraid of what I might see.

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