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    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 210
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    #1

    Few lines for editing

    Dear Colleagues

    Could you please edit this for me:

    Throughout history, the Emirates' woman played a vital social role. Men had to leave their homes and sail in the sea [in pursuit of pearls] for as long as four months leaving the chores of life and family subsistence to be shouldered by women, and on a water-scarce desert soil, women had to grow crops to feed their family members."

    Thank you in advance


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #2

    Re: Few lines for editing

    Throughout history, the Emirates' woman played a vital social role. Men had to leave their homes and sail in the sea [in pursuit of pearls] for as long as four months leaving the chores of life and family subsistence to be shouldered by women, and on a water-scarce desert soil, women had to grow crops to feed their family members."


    'Throughout' : this indicates a period of time, a time span, so rather than just the past tense 'played', ( a past tense verb refers to a moment in time in the past), we need to use the Present Perfect tense:
    Also, 'Emirates' is not being used in the sense that the country 'possessed' the woman - it is like an adjective modifying the noun 'woman': not a British woman but an Emirites woman. We don't use the possessive case.

    Throughout history, the Emirates woman has played a vital social role.
    Men had to leave their homes and sail the seas in their pursuit of pearls for as long as four months at a time,leaving the chores of life and family subsistence to be shouldered by women.

    Wow. Take a breath! We need to pause, so note the comma, and break the passage into more sentences.

    and on a water-scarce desert soil, women had to grow crops to feed their family members."
    We have to join this now a little better with the preceding sentence:
    On water-scarce desert soil, they had to grow the crops that fed their family members.
    Last edited by David L.; 21-Jul-2008 at 21:43.


    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 210
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    #3

    Re: Few lines for editing

    Thank you David for the remarks.

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