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    • Join Date: Jul 2008
    • Posts: 1
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Smile Emergency - Please give your correction and comments on my motivation letter

    Hello guys, I make a new motivation letter for a consultant job. Please check it and give me your comments. Thank you very much.

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am a recent college graduate with a B.S. Degree in Business Administration and Computer Science. With this letter I would like to obtain a full time Business Informatics consultancy position at your company. I am especially interested in Business and Systems integration consulting.

    First of all, I would like to introduce a little bit about myself. Although I am fresh out of school, I have always been a high-energy and enthusiastic worker. It has been demonstrated in my devoted study process and being recognized as an outstanding student. This is because of my firm determination to study and follow Business Informatics career even though I would have had a lot of advantages if I continued my family career, which is Civil Construction (I had graduated with a B.S. Degree in Civil Construction).

    Since I have a strong passion for Business Informatics, I have always striven to obtain practical experiences in this field. As you can see from my resume, I worked several summers and part-time in analyzing and developing business information systems while performing my first degree in Civil Construction. Furthermore, my passion has been reinforced and strengthened by the decision to follow the second B.S. in Business Administration and Computer Science at a professional University.

    In addition to the passion and the willingness to obtain practical experiences for this field, I have prematurely recognized several qualifications which are important for consulting job in Business Informatics. Consultants must be professionals who have an interest in how business processes work and interact, translating business requirements and needs into IT solutions, and the application of technologies to business. In addition, consultants need to apply their skills in project and program management while exhibiting team-work, communication and leadership in process re-engineering and implementation of processes, technology and organizational change.

    Therefore, I have always been aware of equipping myself with solid foundations in IT and supporting knowledge in Business aspect in order to fulfill the challenging requirements of future working environment. Besides professional regular education, I have attended several trainings and extra courses instantly when I had chances and time. These include Software development, Networking, and Business development (Please refer to my resume).

    Besides professional knowledge, I have also attached special importance to perfect my personal skills in order to meet those required qualifications. I have always practiced my team-work and communication skill in my study and practical experiences. Besides, I have benefited and improved my leadership skills by the ownership and management of an internet café and computer shop. It resulted in having confidence of fellow students and professors during my study. I have organized several private teaching jobs for fellow students, and almost always played the leader role in student teams of college projects. Attending social activities and sports during high school and universities also manifests my exertion in improving personal communication skills.

    Thanks to the premature awareness and the self-perfection, I have obtained achievements in my study with the performance in top 5% students and an excellent graduation, and in my recent internships in the role of Business and Systems integration consultant and developer which contribute in improving my professional and personal skills quite a lot.

    Above all is the eagerness and enthusiasm to work and contribute for which I can be of the greatest value and can be a distinguished individual. Since it is the chance to bring all my passion, and preparations for years into real work, I strongly believe that I will demonstrate my worth as I have always proven myself as an enthusiastic and outstanding worker. It is possible that my experiences and trainings might not perfectly match your requirements in Business IT consulting for some specific industries and fields. However, with my eagerness, highly analytic and synthetic thinking, capability of fast learning, and not to hesitate at difficulties, I believe that I could keep with the requirements fast and contribute to the development of the company.

    Though my resume and this letter are fairly detailed, they cannot fully manifest my eagerness and willingness to work in the chosen career of my life. This could be accomplished in a face-to-face meeting. I hope I could obtain an interview where we can exchange information and examine whether there might be mutual interest.

    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

    Yours faithfully,


    • Join Date: May 2009
    • Posts: 8
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Emergency - Please give your correction and comments on my motivation letter

    First of all, I would like to introduce myself. Although I am fresh out of school, I have always been a high-energy and enthusiastic worker. It has been demonstrated in my devoted study process and the recognition as an outstanding student. This is because of my firm determination to study and follow Business Informatics career even though I would have had a lot of advantages if I had continued with my family career, which is Civil Construction (I had graduated with a B.S. Degree in Civil Construction).

    Since I have a strong passion for Business Informatics, I have always striven to obtain practical experiences in this field. As you can see in my resume, I worked several summers and part-time analyzing and developing business information systems while performing my first degree in Civil Construction. Furthermore, my passion has been reinforced and strengthened by the decision of following the second B.S. in Business Administration and Computer Science at a professional University.

    In addition to the passion and the willingness to obtain practical experiences for this field, I have prematurely recognized several qualifications which are important for consulting jobs in Business Informatics. Consultants must be professionals who have an interest in how Business proceedings work and interact, translating business requirements and needs into IT solutions, and the application of technologies into business. In addition, consultants need to apply their skills in projects and programs management while exhibiting team-work, communication and leadership in the process,re-engineering and implementating technology processes and making organizational changes.

    Therefore, I have always been aware of equipping myself with solid foundations in IT and supporting knowledge in Business aspect in order to fulfill the challenging requirements of future working environment. Besides professional and regular education, I have attended several trainings and extra courses instantly when I had chances and time. These include Software development, Networking, and Business development (Please refer to my resume).

    Besides professional knowledge, I have also attached special importance to perfect my personal skills in order to meet those required qualifications. I have always practiced my team-work and communication skill in my study and practical experiences. Besides, I have benefited and improved my leadership skills by the ownership and management of an internet café and a computer shop. It resulted in having confidence in fellow students and professors during my study. I have organized several private teaching jobs for fellow students, and almost always played the leader role in student teams of college projects. Attending social activities and sports during high school and universities also manifests my exertion in improving personal communication skills.

    Thanks to the premature awareness and the self-perfection, I have obtained achievements in my study with the performance in top 5% students and an excellent graduation, and in my recent internships in the role of Business and Systems integration consultant and developer which contribute in improving my professional and personal skills quite a lot.

    Above all is the eagerness and enthusiasm to work and contribute for which I can be of the greatest value and can be a distinguished individual. Since it is the chance to bring all my passion, and preparations for years into real work, I strongly believe that I will demonstrate my worth as I have always proven myself as an enthusiastic and outstanding worker. It is possible that my experiences and trainings might not perfectly match your requirements in Business IT consulting for some specific industries and fields. However, with my eagerness, highly analytic and synthetic thinking, capability of fast learning, and not to hesitate at difficulties, I believe that I could keep with the requirements fast and contribute to the development of the company.

    Though my resume and this letter are fairly detailed, they cannot fully manifest my eagerness and willingness to work in the chosen career of my life. This could be accomplished in a face-to-face meeting. I hope I could obtain an interview where we can exchange information and examine whether there might be mutual interest.

    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

    Yours faithfully,





    look , the letter is ok ...there were just a few mistakes ,but its waaaaaaay too long ,I recomend you to resume a little bit and be careful with the way you conjugate the words ¿ok? ...another thing tha worries me is that you are too formal and that is not well seen in america so watch out ...this is the only advice I can give you
    take care and keep writting bye

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