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  1. #1
    SmMoony is offline Newbie
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    Default Franklin Roosevelt

    Hey, I'm looking anybody who can fix the grammar of this essay. Any critique would be helpful. Thanks.



    Franklin Delano Roosevelt is generally regarded as one of the United Statesí most effective Presidents. Whether the accolades are entirely justified or Rooseveltís effectiveness was simply a product of period in which he served as President will always be debated. One thing that no one can deny is that Roosevelt took an atypical route on his way to becoming President. Whether he was fighting an illness or coping with the death of a loved one, Roosevelt always managed to keep himself on track and to persist towards his goals and those of the country.
    Many people of his period remember FDR for his actions during the Great Depression and World War II, but those actions were preceded by and intertwined with a tough, yet interesting, life that prepared him for his future endeavors. On January 30, 1882, Franklin Delano Roosevelt was born in Hyde Park, New York to Sara Delano and James Roosevelt (whitehouse.gov). In 1886, at the age of four, Franklin and his family permanently settled into a house in Campobello, New Brunswick, Canada, which was previously a summer escape.
    Two years later, Roosevelt started his formal education under a governess of Archibald and Edmund Rogers. It was here that Roosevelt learned to speak German and received the opportunity to study abroad the next year. While abroad, however, he contracted a mild case of typhoid fever, the first of a multitude of illnesses that he would battle during his life. He returned to Hyde Park in 1890, and was tutored by Miss Riensberg. On September 28 of the same year, Roosevelt began studies under a Swiss governess, Jeanne Sardoz, which lasted for two years. Sardoz taught him some of the ins and outs of the British lifestyle in addition to teaching him the French language.
    In 1891, Roosevelt and his family traveled to Bad Nauheim, Germany, where he studied at a German public school for a short time. Eventually, they returned to the United States where Franklin received additional personal tutoring. For the most part, Arthur Dumper was his main teacher.
    Clearly, Rooseveltís life did not start out in typical fashion. While most children went to school to receive an education, FDR learned from a wide variety of tutors coming from very diverse nationalities and backgrounds. This diversity may have been part of the reason that Roosevelt was so successful later in life when he became President. Once he completed his years of tutoring, Roosevelt entered Groton school, where he studied under headmaster, Endicott Peabody. While at Groton, he made his first ever political speech on the topic of the Nicaragua Canal Bill.
    On January 17, 1898, Warren Delano II, Franklinís grandfather, passed away. True to form, Roosevelt pushed forward only two days later by delivering an address during a debate at Groton. In April, Scarlet fever struck Roosevelt badly, forcing him to leave Groton. Intent on finishing his education at the school, he returned to Groton, as soon as he was physically able, for his final year. Finally, on June 25, 1900, Roosevelt graduated from Groton and was awarded the Latin prize. In September of 1900, Franklin Roosevelt entered Harvard University and tried out for the football and crew teams. He did not make either team, but he was elected to be an editor of Harvardís school newspaper Crimson. Unfortunately for FDR, his father passed away on December 8 after battling a long-term illness and a heart condition.
    It seemed Roosevelt simply could not escape the struggle, probably this reality must have prepared him emotionally for anything that could possibly happen. A significant event happened in 1901. Theodore Roosevelt became President of the United States following the assassination of William McKinley. From this point on, Roosevelt attempted to model his career after his role model and fifth cousin, Theodore Roosevelt.
    In 1903, Franklin Roosevelt began his senior year at Harvard and was elected president of the Crimson. While attending Harvard, Roosevelt engaged Miss Eleanor Roosevelt, who was Theodore Rooseveltís niece. Eleanorís father was actually one of Franklinís godparents. In 1905, Franklin and Eleanor married and took a three month delayed honeymoon for themselves in Europe that June. The next year, in May, the couple gave birth to their first child, Anna Eleanor Roosevelt. With such a marriage, one must believe that Roosevelt dealt with a good deal of criticism. However, the couple had a very successful marriage, and they were one of the most well known couples in the world for the next 40 years.
    Later, Roosevelt graduated from Harvard and immediately entered the Columbia University School of Law. In 1907, Roosevelt passed the New York Bar Examination and found employment as a junior clerk at a law firm on Wall Street in New York City. Soon after, his first son, James, was born. The next year, his second son, Franklin Delano, Jr., was born. However, the boy died the following year marking yet another dramatic setback in Rooseveltís life. Two years later, they had another son, Elliott, who was born on September 23, 1910, in New York City.
    In November 8, the Democrats nominated Roosevelt for State Senator for New Yorkís 26th District. After considerable work campaigning and marketing his name, Roosevelt was elected to the New York State Senate by a wide margin. Even during a hectic time in his life when he and Eleanor had three young children to care for, FDR continued to further his career and keep himself in the publicís eye. In June of 1912, FDR played a minor role at the Democratic Convention in Baltimore, supporting Woodrow Wilsonís nomination for the presidency. In July, he organized The Empire State Democracy with seventy other progressives to support Wilsonís campaign and to oppose Tammanyís domination of the state ticket.
    On August 24, Roosevelt was re-nominated for the state senate, but he could not campaign because he contracted typhoid fever. Despite his illness and attacks from Tammany, he was re-elected to the state senate on November 5. Without campaigning and battling an illness, he still managed to return to the state senate for one more term. On March 17, 1913, Rooseveltís career took another giant step forward when President Wilson appointed him Assistant Secretary of the Navy. He served under Secretary Josephus Daniels. Less than one month later, he made a speech before the Navy League in Washington, D.C. that stressed the need for a larger navy.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Franklin Roosevelt

    Franklin Delano Roosevelt is generally regarded as one of the United States’ most effective presidents. Whether the accolades are entirely justified, or Roosevelt’s effectiveness was simply a product of the period in which he served as president will always be debated. One thing that no one can deny is that Roosevelt took an atypical route on his way

    to becoming President. : to the presidency.

    Whether he was fighting an illness or coping with the death of a loved one, Roosevelt always managed to

    keep himself on track : maintain his focus

    and to persevere towards his goals and those of the country.

    Many people of his period : the Great Depression was during the 30's. Anybody who remembers would be about 88+ now. Even with people living longer, just how many 88+ year olds are there living, of whom 'many' remember him in this way. Why not just: Most people remember FDR

    remember FDR for his actions during the Great Depression and World War II, but those actions were

    preceded by and intertwined with : if something goes before something else (precedes) how can it also 'intertwine' with it?
    The sentence is better as:


    preceded by a tough yet interesting(omit commas)life that prepared him for his future endeavors.
    New line.
    On January 30, 1882, Franklin Delano Roosevelt was born in Hyde Park, New York to Sara Delano and James Roosevelt (whitehouse.gov). In 1886, at the age of four, Franklin and his family permanently settled into a house in Campobello, New Brunswick, Canada,

    which was previously a summer escape.: this is a fine point. If Campobello was regarded as a summer retreat, like a holiday resort, by Americans, but has gone out of fashion since, then yes, 'was'. But I think you mean that up to that point, they had used it as a summer retreat only; and now they moved to live there permanently. Hence, 'they settled' (past tense) into a house which 'had been' (further back in time, hence Past Perfect) their summer escape.

    Two years later, Roosevelt started his formal education under a governess of Archibald and Edmund Rogers. It was here that Roosevelt learned to speak German and afforded the opportunity to study abroad the next year. Whilst abroad, however, he contracted a mild case of typhoid fever, the first of a multitude of illnesses that he would battle during his life. He returned to Hyde Park in 1890,

    and was tutored by Miss Riensberg. : You don't mention the name of the maid who tidied up his room and made his bed? If you had written, "tutored by a young Albert Einstein", the reader would gain a wealth from that one sentence. But for most of us, frankly, who the hell was she and why are you bothering to mention her? It just seems as if suddenly, you have stuck in a film credit for this person to fill up the sentence.
    Last edited by David L.; 28-Jul-2008 at 15:56.

  3. #3
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    philadelphia is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Franklin Roosevelt

    David, your post is quite useful - as usual by the bye.

    Would be interesting in knowing what do you do for a living? Hope it does not bother you.

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