Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Pizpireta is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    6
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Can anyone correct my essay?

    Hi everybody. I am preparing the writing for my English exam and I would like somebody to read, correct and give me any piece of advise about the text. Is for the high level of English. Thank you very much in advance.

    Here is the essay:

    Some years ago, when I was still at University, there where periods of time when I felt really stressed. I guess I always tend to overburden myself with work because apart from the lessons, I was working and learning English. I am quite used to do a lot of things and, deep down, I can cope quite well with that, but during the exams I was irritable and very tired. And, of course, it was my family, friends and couple who paid it.
    Maybe I could have asked for vacation at work or could have taken a break with my English lessons. However I always think I could endure the situations because is only for one or two weeks. Another solution could have been to take some vitamins to concentrate myself better. Anyway, I passed all my exams and went on holidays in summer with my boyfriend (and get relaxed sunbathing on the beach!).
    In stressful situations the worst part is for my health. All my nerves concentrate on my neck and back. And as I am many hours sit studying my legs are numb too. My secret is to stand up and walk for a while each hour and to make some exercises to stretch my muscles. Is not the panacea but it works.
    Nowadays as I am working my life is not so stressful than then, although sometimes we are overloaded with work. I am still learning English but in a more relaxed way. I think when we are young we can take everything without many effort because our body is strong and full of vitality. Anyway, my back and neck are grateful I had taken my degree.
    Last edited by Pizpireta; 29-Jul-2008 at 09:39.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    5,425
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Can anyone correct my essay?

    Some years ago, when I was still at University, there were

    'where'/'were' - I have to watch that myself when I'm typing - the fingers have a mind of there own!)

    periods of time : a 'period' is a length or portion of time. For the style/tone of your essay, perhaps the better option is:


    times when I felt really stressed. I guess I always tend to overburden myself with work, because apart from the lessons, I was working and learning English. I am quite used to doing a lot of things and, deep down, I can cope quite well with that; but during the exams I was irritable and very tired. And, of course, it was my family, friends and

    couple who paid for it. Do you mean 'my relationship' /my boyfriend?


    Maybe I could have asked for a vacation at work or could have taken a break from my English lessons. However, I always think I can endure (the-omit) situations because "it's only for one or two weeks." Another solution could have been to take some vitamins to

    concentrate myself better. : to help me concentrate better


    Anyway, I passed all my exams and went on holidays that summer/in the summer

    in summer : you are writing about a period in your life a few years ago. This is a particular summer, the summer after your exams.
    compare: We generally go on holidays in summer.


    with my boyfriend (and

    get relaxed sunbathing on the beach!). You 'went' (past tense) on holidays, so you 'got' (past tense).

    got relaxed on the beach!)

    In stressful situations,

    the worst part is for my health :the worst part is how it affects my health


    the worst part is how it affects my health: all my

    nerves concentrate on my neck and back : I'm not sure what this physical sensation is ! - so the best I can suggest is: nerves seem to concentrate on my neck and back

    And as I am many hours sit studying my legs are numb too. : And as I sit studying for many hours/for hours on end, my legs go numb too.



    My secret is to stand up and walk for a while each hour and to do some exercises to stretch my muscles. It's not

    the panacea but it works. : I'm not sure why you are using 'panacea', since you have mentioned only the nerves in your neck and numb legs...and with these two conditions, the exercising does work!


    Nowadays, as I am working, my life is not as stressful as then, although sometimes we are

    overloaded at work. :I think this might be a better choice here than 'with', because you have used 'work' =in employment, and now kinda...kinda...writing, 'in my work I'm overloaded with work'. You have said you are 'out working now' (have employment) and so by using 'at', the meaning is now towards, 'but still, even at work, we can get stressed out at times because of all we have to do.'



    I am still learning English but in a more relaxed way. I think when we are young we can take everything without

    many effort : I'm not sure you mean 'effort' - it is not how vigorously you work at something, it is the 'effect' of it on you and your body.

    because our body is strong and full of vitality. Anyway, my back and neck are grateful I have finished my degree.

    (Nice ending. You remembered the comma after the final 'anyway' - don't forget them when you have introductory words and phrases - that is most of the red above.

    Completely separate note:
    Another solution could have been to take some vitamins to

    I'm sure someone will query, why 'could' and not 'would'?
    Last edited by David L.; 29-Jul-2008 at 12:06.

  3. #3
    Pizpireta is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    6
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Can anyone correct my essay?

    Thanks a lot for your help. I need to pass the writing skill!

    :) Pizpireta

Similar Threads

  1. Please correct me with the essay
    By belly_ttt in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-Jan-2008, 19:21
  2. environmental essay for CPE, please correct
    By Greekgirl in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-Dec-2007, 03:19
  3. Another IELTS essay, could you please correct?
    By mesh2005 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 16-Aug-2007, 06:50
  4. Please correct my essay!
    By mariadallas in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-Jul-2006, 09:05
  5. Would you correct this new essay?
    By aleycris in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 29-Oct-2003, 16:41

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •